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TV sets for 2012
Dear Regular Guy,
I think my husband is more in love with his TV than he is with me. I'm lonely, unhappy and in despair. What should I do?
Lonely.
Dear Lonely.
Ah, this is an easy one.
Simply buy him a better TV in the January sales.
Stay with me.
Don't scrimp on this, the details are important. Go cheap at this point and you'll lose him faster than a blonde's self-respect in Hugh Heffner's house.
Top of the range Sony 3D systems should be fine, but nothing less than 47 inches. Ensure it hooks up to the Internet and comes with a stand big enough for an X-Box.
Now go back to the shop and buy him an X-Box and a 3D Blu-Ray player.
Quickly upgrade his satellite or cable package to the absolute maximum; include all the sports channels.
Now, I accept that this has cost you quite a lot of money but the chances of him noticing that you used his credit card are slim, so stay with it and be clever.
If you really want to make this work, buy one of those beer coolers that can sit in the lounge.
By now, your lounge should be pretty much set up as a man's idea of heaven but there is still something you need to buy. The last thing on your shopping list should have the names ‘Bang & Olufsen' on it and deliver at least 100 Watts of crystal clear 5.1 channels surround sound. Aural porn.
You are now ready.
When you present your man with this kit you are going to be seriously attended to that night. The attention will be full and sincere. You will be as loved as you were on your wedding night. Your feet will be rubbed and your dinner will come in at least three different take away containers. This is what you asked for. Enjoy it.
Then, once you have been firmly thanked, you can start sleeping with his friends.
There should be plenty of them around as he will be proudly inviting them over all the time. There is no way your man is going to notice you or anything that you are doing, now that you've bought him all that kit, so you can hump your way through the whole damned golf club if you like. Just be sure to keep the beer fridge refilled and occasionally bring out some chicken.
Your man is too stupid to notice that the woman who he supposedly loves is unhappy, or he is too lazy to care, either way you should have sex with his friends.
All of them.
Hope this helps.
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Comments (12)
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Report Thu Jan 5, 2012 - 5:02 pmHaha, funny! Dont' get me started on the attention his iPhone gets!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Thu Jan 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm
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Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 10:12 pmWOW!! A man who will actually get it .... Your partner must be a seriously happy person!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jan 4, 2012 at 2:57 pm
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Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 11:08 am
Are you Homer Simpson?Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jan 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm
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Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 11:39 pmSo very funny...and definitely written with a whiff of testosterone! Gave me a good giggle.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jan 4, 2012 at 2:55 pm
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Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 2:56 pm
A bit extreme, don't you think?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm
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