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The Guy Spot - Does my ass look fat?
Welcome to another edition of The Regular Guy. This week we are lucky to hear another bit of useless male perspective from our Guest Guy - Glen. Let's see if he is able to shatter our belief that men, well, that they're just not that smart. Take it away, Guest Guy.
This week Glen tackles the eternal question asked by women. You might find his answer surprising...
‘Does my ass look big in this?'
(Oh good lord no - not that one, why me? Couldn't this have gone to the American Guy?)
"You look lovely sweetheart."
"You look great."
"Your arse looks fantastic love, but are you sure those skinny jeans suit your fat ankles?"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?"
The crux of the problem with this question is that you have already answered it in your own head. However, the answer you have worked out yourself is the exact one you don't like, so that leaves me absolutely no possible right thing to say. If I get the answer right then I'm in trouble, but then any opinion of my own would be just plain wrong.
This is why we look so frightened when you ask us this, ladies. We know that we have just walked into a minefield without a map. So, as I am currently sitting at a safe distance from my wife's death stare, I shall let you in on a couple of secrets.
Firstly, if you are trying to squeeze your ass into a pair of leggings or skinny jeans and you don't happen to have Adobe Photoshop to hand, then yes it probably does.
Those trousers aren't designed for real women. They were only made in your size for a laugh. You were never supposed to actually buy them! Skinny jeans were designed for special women who live on special diets of only special lettuce. If you can remember the last time you ate a burger then for Christ's sake take them off.
Secondly, and perhaps most importantly - NO, actually it doesn't. It never does. You don't believe us when we say it, but do you know what?
You have a great ass!
We don't actually work on size basis*; it's all about the shape, all about the woman in front of it. Whether it's technically big or small matters not. When you slip into some new outfit and wiggle your backside at us for close examination, all we want to do is give it a squeeze. While we are looking we are thinking, "That bum is looking good - I wonder if it fancies getting into bed with me". But we can't say that because you have your serious face on, and because we are probably already twenty minutes late for the theatre.
Be confident in your backsides ladies. All shapes, all sizes* - we love them. You are your own worst critics; if you don't feel comfortable then don't wear it, but if you ask me - you are looking lovely.
*Okay, play fair - there are limits.
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Comments (13)
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Fri Jul 1, 2011 - 8:33 am
Ah, you wriggled your way out of that one Glen. Well done!Reply -
Report Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 8:54 pmI have actually never asked a guy this question, mainly because I wouldn't want to hear his answer. If he said no I wouldn't believe him and if he said yes I'd be horror struck. Yeah you nailed me regular guy I admit it.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Thu Jun 30, 2011 at 12:49 am
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Report Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 6:54 pmYou had me admiring your reponse until those 2 asterisks - that spoilt it all. I mean, just what is the limit? Size 18 or two aeroplane seats?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jun 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm
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Report Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 5:22 pmI do believe you pulled that one off with style, Glen. xReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jun 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm
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Report Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 4:39 pmLaugh out loud funny! Honestly I think that women are far more critical of each other's bodies than men ever are... "that bum is looking good, I wonder if it fancies getting in bed with me..." excellent :)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jun 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm
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Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 2:14 pm
" if you are trying to squeeze your ass into a pair of leggings or skinny jeans and you don't happen to have Adobe Photoshop to hand, then yes it probably does" shiiiiiiiittttttttt!!! And I've just blogged about my skinny jeans being my fave post-pregnancy item. When I'm at my fattest! so so funny, facebook sharing this right now...........Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jun 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm
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Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 1:41 pm
"They were only made in your size for a laugh". How can I not have realised this before? Thank-you Glen for making my day; I never have to buy skinny jeans again! Love this piece...if only it were true. I mean really, truly truly honestly, you wouldn't rather we had pert backsides which defy gravity? Do you think you speak for the majority?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Jun 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm
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