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Male grooming
Dear Regular Guy,
My man expects me to be perfectly groomed and yet he looks like a Yeti. Why is it okay for him to look like he's walked out of the deepest Jungle while I have to look like I'm from Brazil? How can I introduce his back to a razor?
Sincerely,
Furry in Phoenix
Dear Ms. Furry:
Thank goodness you came to me first! Do not, whatever you do, make any attempt to force him to shave any hair off that he doesn't already attend to.
Never attempt to force a man into ‘that' section of the department store. You know the one I'm talking about.
Male Grooming.
This section is not actually supposed to be used at all. Department stores have to include it in order to keep the P.C. Brigade at bay. It's a numbers thing. They have to have a certain percentage of floor space dedicated to these products or they could be fined for violating their quota requirements. They write off the loss of earnings against the tax rebate, so they generally break about even. If you buy moisturizer for men or guy-liner, you are effectively messing up their numbers and putting people's jobs at risk.
Do you want that on your conscience?
In this crazy world in which we now live in, we men have lost an awful lot. No longer can we expect to walk into our homes to the smell of baking and discover a wife stood with a bow in her hair and an Apple Pie in her oven-gloved hands. We no longer get her pregnant and then pretty much have nothing else to do until the child is old enough to take to watch the football.
We barely even get to see the trousers, never mind put them on.
We can't make all of the important decisions in the home without asking your opinions first. Neither can we run the country by ourselves anymore because you even get to vote these days.
The one thing we can still do better than any woman is grow body hair. Fair enough you can generally grow it better than us on your heads, but show me a woman that can grow some good toe hair and I'll show you a man in drag. No one can grow back hair like a man and we'll be damned if we are letting anyone make us shave it off. Can a woman grow a good enough ‘Mo' for Movember? Well my mum could probably have a go at it, to be fair, but otherwise probably not, whereas I'm practically Tom Selleck.
You can't take our hair away from us - it's everything that we are.
As for you ladies and your unmentionable bits, I think I may have already mentioned in an earlier post that most men really don't care if we are visiting Hollywood, Brazil or Peru thanks. What's all that Vajazzling business about anyway? I think I'd run a mile if I looked up and saw sequins pointing the way (look up or look down? I know what I prefer). Don't waste your time with all that, just give it a wipe with a flannel and come back to bed.
Hope this helps,
The Regular Guy checks in now and then to share his testosterone-fuelled perspective with us In the Powder Room. Have a question for The Regular Guy? Please send it to Ask The Regular Guy.
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Comments (7)
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Wed Nov 23, 2011 - 1:00 pm
Can we be fat and furry too?Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Nov 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm
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Report Wed Nov 23, 2011 - 8:32 amThe whole post is hilarious but I almost choked laughing when I read, "just give it a wipe with a flannel and come back to bed." I just fell in love with you. Have a great day :)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Nov 23, 2011 at 11:20 am
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