In The Powder Room

Oct 17

Lay-offs and Stroganoff

Comments (5) by Mrs. Tuna October 17, 2011 - 6:03 AM

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I've been trapped in my house since my layoff 26 days ago and counting. Please save me from myself before I poke a sharp stick in the eye hoping to puncture my brain from boredom. I had two interviews this week, one for which I wasn't qualified, one where I was over qualified, and one place that wants to interview me over and over and over. Come on Goldilocks, surely I'm just right for somebody. It's almost like some weird test to see if I'll pick up their dry cleaning before I drive over them in the parking lot.

I've been strongly resisting the urge to hunker down with the remote control grasped tightly in my fist watching hours of reality TV while eating chocolate ice cream straight out of the carton. I love reality shows, the trashier the better. Food show competitions, teens making crappy choices, hidden camera shots - squeal! I mean, ahem, who would watch that shit? (It makes me feel more smarter than the next unemployed chick.)

I find many of these reality daytime stars have an abundance of tattoos with inappropriate symbols and placement. Do you really need a tramp-stamp or tattooed flames on your neck that look like sperm swimming upstream? My daughter felt compelled to get one shortly after she turned eighteen. She flashed that baby last year in a beauty pageant as documented in my post, Sheldon does the Pageant. She looked beautiful, she was tall, she was fit, she had magic blonde hair and.........the GIANT crown on her hip. All I can think of when I see it is the Burger King slogan, "Have it your way." Don't even get me started on the typo in the Bible verse running up her ribcage. This week's food fare is one of my little baby's favourites.

Beef Stroganoff

1 pound beef stew meat

½ cup flour

Salt and Pepper to taste

3 tablespoons olive oil

2 cans beef consommé

1/2 cup sour cream

Combine flour, salt and pepper in a bowl. Dredge meat in flour mixture. Heat oil in large skillet, brown meat on all sides. Remove with slotted spoon to saucepan. Add consommé to sauce pan and cook for 20 minutes over medium heat covered. Add sour cream and cook until heated throughout. Do not boil. Serve over hot egg noodles.

A new smutty game show, Repo Games, has caught my eye. The goal is to keep your car from being repossessed by answering three of five questions correctly. Name the Three Stooges; the capital of New York is what? If you have a labret, what part of your body is pierced? Hmmm....I took Latin in high school, it means labia right? Some little hussy has got her naughty parts done up? Ummmm.......no.....it meant lips. Sweet baby Jesus, let me find a job before my IQ drops any further.

by Mrs. Tuna October 17, 2011 - 6:03 AM

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  Report Mon Oct 31, 2011 - 12:58 am

  by  Ixy

  I'm a respectable accountant at an insurance company by day, and a Jersey-Shore lover by night. Come on, do I have to be exercising my brain all day long every day? Can't I just have a few hours of mindlessness once in awhile? Good luck on your interviews and enjoy your reality show fun!

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  Report Sat Oct 22, 2011 - 12:51 am

  by  KSK

  Oh no! There's nothing funnier.. I mean worse.. than a tattoo typo! My sister got a tattoo at 16, re-did it 2 or three more times after.. it just got bigger and darker.. and now, 15 years + later, she's getting it removed!

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  Report Fri Oct 21, 2011 - 10:33 pm

  by  momaloft

  Hilarious- as always! I took Latin too and I thought the wrong thing as well. Crap. Does that mean I have to look for a job too?!

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  Report Fri Oct 21, 2011 - 8:25 pm

  by  Lola

  My Dear Mrs. Tuna, This post is absolutely hilarious. Next I shall check out Sheldon at the pageant, the little whore with tats. Like mother, like daughter. My daughter has no tats. So there. It's been so long since I had a job that my IQ is in the negative numbers. Love, Lola

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  Report Fri Oct 21, 2011 - 4:56 am

  by  Sandra

  Hang in there, you'll find someone who appreciates you for your intellect and versatility, and ability to write out a stroganoff recipe. As for the tramp stamp, I can't help myself: I think that is the coolest word ever, and it makes me want to get a big ol' crown too, right on my tailbone, so then my ass would be king of the land! Brilliant right!

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