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Boobs, bacon and porn
Dear Regular Guy
My boobs are different sizes, and were ruined by my babies; surely this would put men off? Should I have surgery?
Anon
Dear Anon,
Oh my goodness, NO!
Porn has so much to answer for! Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not against porn; however, somewhere along the line people have got it into their heads that women's chests are supposed to look like perfectly pert basketballs.
How amazing did Kate Winslet look in The Reader? Pretty amazing right? Now look again - how perfect did her boobs look? Not perfect at all, maybe? Slightly off centre, slightly bedraggled, slightly unevenly sized? Right on all counts.
But also very, very wrong. And they were perfect!
The thing about breasts is that they are all wonderfully different. That is the beauty of them. One of the best things about a woman's chest is that it is entirely hers and hers alone - no one else should have anything like it.
Breastfeeding takes its toll, and I appreciate that you can see the difference when you look down, but honestly - all we are interested in is how long will it be until the baby stops hogging them and we get them back! They may look different, but they are still looking pretty damned sexy.
"Ah, but Regular Guy," I hear you sigh, "you have assumed we have big ones, what about those less endowed among us?" Well I know all about being less endowed, so I'm an authority here. No, it doesn't matter at all.
Sure a big chest looks good on the shelf, I won't deny it, but think of it like bacon. You go to the supermarket and there are big packets of ‘Mature, Organic, Gloucestershire Old Spot' bacon, in beautiful packaging. Below, are small unmarked ‘basics' packs of something simply called bacon. You buy the cheap one and take it home and guess what? It tastes like bacon - and bacon is probably the best food in the world. Now, I'm not saying small breasted women are cheap but...
My actual point is that big or small, they are still breasts and they are still one hundred percent individual to the lady who owns them. And getting hold of them is an absolute perk and an honour for us - especially if they taste like bacon!
There are many valid and completely serious reasons why a lady might consider surgery, but please don't let size, gravity, or a bit of lopsidedness be one of them. Give yourself a break and start feeling good about what you have, and how lucky you are to have it.
By the way, If you need a second opinion about how good they look my email address is.......
Hope that helps,
Glen
The Regular [Guest] Guy
The Guy Spot appears sort of regularly on In the Powder Room. Please let The Regular Guy know if you think he is testoste-right or testoste-wrong by commenting below. And if you would like to ask The Regular Guy a question, please send it to Ask The Regular Guy.
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Comments (11)
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Report Sun Jul 24, 2011 - 2:22 amI have written somewhere before that my husband's response to my changing shape was "It's ok, I'm getting shorter!" He's 6'4", I'm 5'6". LOL. You get the idea ;)Reply -
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Tue Jul 19, 2011 - 12:36 pm
Ladies, do not forget the simplicity of men. Boobs are boobs and unless you male friend is a Hollywood hunk that has a choice of daily tail then most men will NOT complain about your breasts. Men change their desire for different types of boobs as they age, at 16 all I wanted was a skinny woman with 2 watermelons strapped to her chest. As an adult male I really do appreciate ALL types of boobs other than fakos....they suck no matter what.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by Sausage Fingers on Thu Jul 21, 2011 at 11:27 am
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Tue Jul 19, 2011 - 9:13 am
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2011 at 10:12 amOk........I believe you. But I only believe that you think this when you have your eyes shut and are, ahem, in the zone with your partner. What if your wife/girlfriend is just wandering past you first thing in the morning with everything hanging out - you honestly saying that after several kids you still sit there and think 'what an amazing pair of knockers?' I can't buy that. I prefer my 25 year old breasts (as opposed to my 36 yr post feeding ones), so surely men must too? (oh and you didn't mention stretchmarks.....you HAVE to mention stretchmarks)Reply -
5 replies, Last reply by slappyintheface on Wed Jul 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm
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