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In defence of duvet days
Are you easy going about giving your kids a day off? Or do you believe that if they can walk and talk, they must go to school?
Many of my friends are strict on this subject. If it's a school day, then go to school they must. Children should learn that school is not optional, and must be adhered to and worked at, no matter what your mood. Unmoved by sniffles, tiredness or whining, the school run begins. There's much to be said for learning that discipline.
Some children, however, do not respond well to this attitude. My kids, who are four and six, find the school schedule relentless. Like all children, they learn the academic curriculum, which is demanding enough. But they are also children who need a great deal of help with the social aspect of school, and they find this particularly exhausting. They work hard, day in and day out, just to understand how to play, chatter, and interact with other children and adults. There are days when they are overloaded by the pressure of what is expected of them, and simply being there and facing the day is too much.
In the adult workplace, whatever its cause, we have identified the problem and use the label "stress" to understand it. According to the most recent UK Government statistics, stress, depression and anxiety accounted for the majority of days lost due to work-related ill health last year. Many employers now grant "mental health" days as part of their support of these issues, and whilst they can no doubt be abused by those who don't need them, they are a lifeline for those who really do.
Why then do we not give our children the same help? I can look at mine as they get up in the morning and know, as plainly as you can spot chicken pox, that they cannot function at school. If I force them to go they will be exhausted, tearful and uncooperative for the day. They will learn little and they will come home even less able to face the next day. What sense then in sending them? Their week is so much better if they can just take the day off and be at home with me, quiet and calm, while they build up their confidence again. The next day their reserves are replenished, they are more resilient, and they are ready to face the world. Whatever the cause of the stress, I believe this is a helpful and valid technique for any parent to use.
I would not want to give the impression that this is regular event, in fact it happens only two or three times a year. But when that morning comes, and I know they are not strong enough to go to school, I don't hesitate. A duvet day is granted, and I make no apologies.
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Comments (20)
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Report Sun Feb 5, 2012 - 3:53 pmWe call those "no-trousers days." My son is an introvert, and finds the social aspect of school just as exhausting as the academic side, maybe even more so. Days spent quietly and lazily at home, cozy with me, replenish him so noticeably. I'm trying to do this on the Mondays of any three day weekends he gets (bank holidays to you Brits), instead of my past attempts at 'we need to go somewhere like the zoo' filling of days off.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by jewed on Sun Feb 5, 2012 at 7:07 pm
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Report Sat Jan 28, 2012 - 11:39 amVery interesting ! Thasnk!Reply
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 5:26 pm
YOU ARE A BAD BAD MOTHER ....shame on you....I will never look at you the same again! My children don't go to sleep unless they have learned an entire concerto A DAY!!!!!! Failure is just not acceptable. They are fluent in Chinese, Arabic, Russian and Klingon.Reply -
4 replies, Last reply by Liz Dawes on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 1:57 pmWell said Liz! I am a big big believer in recognising the need to tend to our mental needs as much as our physical needs... adult or child. Stress and feeling low is still under the radar in society, at school and in the workplace... on so many levels... and needs to be highlighted and acknowledged... why do we have sympathy is someone has a cold, but if someone is stressed or depressed, it makes us uncomfortable and we just think they should pull themselves together?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Liz Dawes on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 3:08 pm
I totally agree. I think kids need a "Disneyland" day at least once a year and it's so crowded on the weekends!Reply -
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 2:13 pm
My mom used to do this for us...not very often...but I loved it!Reply -
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 11:47 am
I agree with this, within reason. Like you, I give my kids 2 or 3 "free days" a year- maybe they had muscle cramps during the night and didn't sleep, or just finished with a week of exams and are exhausted. I take them, my husband (who works 6-1/2 days a week) takes them. I don't allow them to lay in bed and watch TV or play video games tho- they have to read.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Liz Dawes on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 11:55 am
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 9:30 amAs a parent myself, I totally agree with you! I most definitely do not approve of and would not tolerate the attitude where parents let their children do what they like and decide whether they want to go to school or not - BUT I honestly think, like you, they have too much to do, too many expectations, and not enough time just to "be" - and as they go through this, they get more and more tired. Lots going on for them, so once or twice a year I think this is fine! so long as the parent really can see it's genuine. Yup. Agree wholeheartedly!Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Gillian Rushforth on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 10:27 am
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 9:17 amI don't know any employers who allow so called mental health days - certainly not in the NHS an you imagine - "Oh your operation has been cancelled because the surgeon is having a duvet day." "Sorry, your baby must stop being born today; the midwives are all out on a mental health day."Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Liz Dawes on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 9:57 am
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