 |
Did you mourn the end?
I mean... let's not be entirely morbid, here...
Well, maybe just a little.
I'm not talking six feet under.
I'm talking babies.
Specifically, your first baby.
My time as a childless wife is drawing to a close faster than I thought it would happen. I swear I was just announcing my pregnancy yesterday and now...I'm five weeks away from my due date.
Well, let's be honest, here. I'm five weeks or less away from having the little sprout outside of my womb.
All of the running around, packing bags and trying to decide which diapers to purchase has really started to make this reality, well, real. Painting his room didn't do it for me. Neither did the crib.
Buying a car seat and nipple cream?
Begin cosmic run-on sentence meltdown that goes something like, "We're about to have a baby who the hell forgot to tell me this was actually happening, I'm not ready...?"
Doesn't the sprout understand that once he's here I'll never get to realize my dream as a rock star or have the freedom to just GO on a whim or enjoy quiet time without also worrying about a certain small someone painting the inside of their crib with mayonnaise and permanent marker?
And will I really get my sexy back or will I be too run down to even care?
Pregnancy has given me a new view of the human body. Yes, it can do amazing things but holy hell. It can also make the most ungodly noises and become so clunky and cumbersome that an eight-month pregnant woman getting up off of the couch should be considered an Olympic feat.
I don't remember signing up for this part of pregnancy and I certainly do not recall anyone telling me that I would actually begin to look at my life, sans child, and feel like I was about to lose something important.
I agree that a baby and starting a family certainly trumps lazy days vegging on the couch but at the same time, it almost feels like I will be losing part of who I am...who I have been for the past twenty-eight years...lost and never to be found again.
Will I be a better me post-baby?
Will I like the new me?
Will I even recognize myself?
Is there a period of mourning all new moms go through or am I alone in this sentiment?
There isn't a single question I can answer because, as I've told my husband, I have no baseline to compare life now versus life after a child. It is the great unknown that everyone - with children - swears is a million times better than life without them.
Yes, but... how did you know that before it happened to you?
You May Also Like
Comments (24)
-
Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 2:42 amI have a theory on this, whilst you are deep in the joy (ha!) of giving birth they replace your brain with a new mummy one. Honestly, it's like a whole new world once you leave with your arms full of baby. You know you were once childless, you just can't remember what it actually felt like. There's also the fact that once you make a human you are obviously the cleverest person in the world (and feel like it too).Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 3:08 am
-
Report Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 6:18 pmI think pregnancy is cleverly designed so that by the time you're near the end you're so damned desperate to just NOT be pregnant anymore that you can't be faffed to mourn...Reply -
7 replies, Last reply by Liz on Mon Jan 23, 2012 at 8:58 am
-
Report Sat Jan 21, 2012 - 1:24 pmgreat) liked everything very much) keep it up and dont stop)Reply
-
Report Sat Jan 21, 2012 - 12:31 pmI had not only that loss of freedom, but since I was married 10 years before I got pregnant, I also mourned my fertility. I felt barren, as if the hassle of being a girl and a woman was completely useless. I had decided to make a career change, and having a baby at that time seemed like a betrayal of fate. Lots of conflicting emotions. Lucky for me, my daughter and I (she's 30 now, the age I was when I was pregnant with her) have a close relationship, much closer than that of mine with my mom. It's not at all unusual to have conflicting emotions. Just like the moment when my daughter was three days old, sleeping on the couch, and I, after spending some time drawing, looked over at her bundled up there, and thought, "what is that?"Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Sat Jan 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm
-
Report
Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 6:46 pm
Sometimes I do think about it, what would I be today IF...I hadn't had 3 babies in 3 years with the first one when I was 22...i never had time to even get started, much less give up, on a career or young adulthood. I've loved motherhood, but it really is kind of a blind leap into an unlit cave.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Fri Jan 20, 2012 at 6:55 pm
-
Report
Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 3:32 pm
Life goes on, but it's never the same. In my opinion, it was better.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Fri Jan 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm
-
Report Thu Jan 19, 2012 - 4:19 pmI didn't mourn. I thought i did but in fact i had literally NO CONCEPT of what i was giving up or what i was gaining. I thought i did but in retrospect i really didn't. So no, not before. After? Yes! And don't read that as "i don't love my kids" - i do, but it was still the rawest time of my life, the steepest learning curve and the most gruelling challenge adjusting to parenthood. I look back on my pre-baby days (i was 25 when i had my first) fondly, but as i do my teens - looking back through the filters of parenthood at my wasteful, lazy, unjustifiably-moany, inflexible younger, childless, self.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Fri Jan 20, 2012 at 12:23 pm
-
Report Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 7:28 amMy baby is 10 months old. I knew there would be an insurmountable change to our lives with the birth of our baby but I looked forward to things being different. Now I couldn't be happier. Everyday is a learning curve (for me and my baby)! Life has taken on a whole new meaning and the world is viewed with fresh eyes. Embrace these last few weeks of your pregnancy and enjoy every precious moment with your new baby. Lydia xReply
-
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Fri Jan 20, 2012 at 12:21 pm
-
Report
Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 10:34 am
I fell pregnant unexpectedly so was shocked for the whole thing. But your life doesn't stop, you can still have ambitions and dreams - don't give up on yourself and sacrifice your entire being wholly for a baby - you might need to be a bit more creative that's all. It just changes and is more work. The skill is to find the balance for you, baby, partner and living and that can take time because the arrival of the baby can be quite shocking.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Jessica Bold on Fri Jan 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Enter the word as it appears in the box.