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Quit texting me!
There are so many social media and electronic communication outlets today, it can be difficult to know what to use, when, and for what.
Couple this with the fact that nowadays everyone from the age of 8 to 88 seems to own a smart phone, and we've just entered the new digital Twilight Zone where everyone is connected 24/7 but nobody knows how to properly communicate anymore.
Don't panic. I'm here to help.
First of all, for the love of all that is Holy, learn how to lock your damn phone. I have been "butt dialed" twice in the past two days and have accidentally overheard things that would make your blood curdle. Don't do that. Lock it up, Bub.
But if you DO mean to communicate something to someone, please pick the appropriate outlet for that message:
Text Messages. For responsible adults with busy lives, texting should be reserved for urgent issues only such as "I'm running late," or "We need milk," or "Your house is on fire." Please do not text me if you just want to chat. I cannot be bothered with your untimely "How are you?" bullshit. Save that for email so I can answer when it's a convenient time for me and not whenever the hell you feel like taking a break from playing Farmville 2.
Facetime. Same deal. Don't make me regret that I gave you my iPhone number, Grandma.
Telephone. Only if you're my Mom, and only on the weekends.
Email. This is the better choice for more involved conversations or questions that don't require an immediate response. Just do us all a favor and make sure you understand the difference between "reply" and "reply all."
Twitter DM. Also known as spam and Gateway to Virus Town. Please don't. Just don't. If I've followed you on Twitter, we're good. I don't need your automated thank you/sales pitch. Let's get to know each other a little before you jam your tongue down my throat. And if you really want to communicate with me, take two seconds and locate my email address at the top of my blog.
Google chat. DAMMIT, why didn't I set my status to "away"?
Skype. Fine. But we schedule in advance, and you better be wearing pants this time, Mister.
Facebook group email to 87 people? I will fucking cut you. Nobody needs to see that shit. And since there is no way to not "reply all" to those group messages in FB, we are all stuck there being notified about everyone else's response until we opt to "leave the conversation." Do me a solid and don't put me in that position, looking like a bag of dicks in front of those 87 other people, m'kay? Just send a regular email, preferably using a BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) to protect the privacy of your distribution list.
And that's just how I deal with my family.
Look, communication is a two-way street. Try to consider what's best for the recipient of your message, in addition to what you need as the sender. When both parties are treated with respect and courtesy, everyone wins.
Now go lock your cell phone. Seriously.
{Shudder.}
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Comments (49)
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 8:07 pm
I am going to print this out. I just got a smart phone (I think) - I had a blackberry that was fairly intelligent, but had to upgrade to an I phone. It just sits there - being smart, needing "apps". Total agreement about the texting! WTF - just send an e-mail or call. I am only vaguely familiar with most of the others listed, but will study up on it. Going to try to lock the phone now. I do have a question/rant - Why in the curlytailhell doesn't anything come with an instruction book anymore? They are all "it's online" you can read it there. I want a book I can hold in my hands and throw against the wall.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Julie on Sun Feb 24, 2013 at 9:29 am
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Report Sat Feb 2, 2013 - 4:48 pmMy best girl friend and I have a standinf date to text our every reaction to glee every week. I love it. We live across the world from eachother but she can crack me up on there like we are right in the same room. Also, there is a reply on Facebook group messages, it's just tiny and not the default. I hate Facebook messages like that and just leave them. But it does make me look like a jerk sometimes. But I can't stand being notified over and over about something I didn't care about in the first place!Reply -
Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 10:28 amGreat advice, Leslie and not too crude...LOL Sometimes I just can't face face book (pardon the pun) as it's information overkill. I don't need t know everything my f.b. friend did today for f*** sake.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Terrie in Atlanta, GA on Sat Feb 2, 2013 at 2:02 pm
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Report Thu Jan 31, 2013 - 2:33 amHaha! I think this needs to be laminated and given out with every purchase of technology xReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Feb 1, 2013 at 1:32 am
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Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 10:41 pmWORD. If I get put on one more "mass" FB message Imma cut someone, too. The worst is when it's something like "Pray for Melissa." I CARE about Melissa; I just don't want to be notified every time someone else prays for her. What? Stop looking at me like that. I care about Melissa. Really.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Kristen on Fri Feb 1, 2013 at 12:12 am
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 10:50 pm
I will be wearing pants when we Skype. The bra may not make an appearance.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 30, 2013 at 4:55 am
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Report Wed Jan 30, 2013 - 4:19 amOne more thing to add to the list.....Group Texts from an iPhone! I get random responses DAYS later from unknown numbers. "What a cutie!" - and I have to remember back 3 days ago to a picture I was sent of a small relative. My god people.....figure it out!!Reply
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Report Tue Jan 29, 2013 - 3:21 amHa. Agree, agree, agree. Although, I am guilty of the chatty texts - I have a few friends who seem to prefer text to email, so I run with it. I'm an email girl, myself - not so immediate or intrusive. But now and then, they verbose text is the only way. If you would like to campaign for the death of the "Thanks!" DM or the Replay All function (or both), you have my full support.Reply
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Report Tue Jan 29, 2013 - 12:24 amThis is hilarious! But I wonder if it has to do with age or demographics? My friends, family, and I all prefer to chat via text so we can keep up with each other during the week on our own time. Phone is only when we plan ahead. We never chat online. No FB group messages-I'm with you there. And I get totally irritated when someone e-mails me because it's totally outdated and annoying to remember. E-mail is for business, purchase receipts, and mailing out pictures to the grandparents. Although I will say I HATE when someone gets upset when you don't text back right away. Skype is OK except the in-laws can't figure it out and my baby did NOT need to see Grandpa tying up his bathrobe on the way over to the computer behind Grandma. Novella-length comments on a blog are totally acceptable, by the way.Reply
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 10:22 pm
I couldn't resist. I just texted you. 86 more on the way.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 9:09 pm
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Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 6:52 amYes to all of it. I have a dear friend who will randomly text me and then keep the text conversation going for the entire evening. So every time my phone dings I have to put my glasses on, read her text, reply, check for spelling errors, send, put my glasses down and repeat. We live right next door for pete's sake! If you're lonely walk over and I'll make you a tea!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 7:58 pm
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 7:00 am
OMG. I just read your reply about voice to text. That feature is the devil. I CANNOT get it to work, therefore no one should use it when communicating to me. I might just be jealous. Or cranky. Probably both. Google chat makes me put you in the category of a stalker. Just let me email in frickin' peace like the etiquette conscious lady I am. EllenReply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 7:56 pm
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Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 8:13 amI mostly text my kids and it's usually, "Quit screaming into that headset!" while he plays some horrific video game or, "Time to eat!" which is really the only thing they respond to.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 7:55 pm
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Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 9:40 amWhat does it say about me that I had to read your post twice before I noticed any of the colorful language?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 7:53 pm
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Report Mon Jan 28, 2013 - 9:47 amFYI, I'm not accidentally butt dialing you. I'm intentionally rubbing your phone number on my ass. Because I love you. Which you would know, if you ever read any of my Twitter DMsReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 7:53 pm
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Report Sun Jan 27, 2013 - 8:10 pmI once got a call from a friend, asking me to tell my husband to stop ringing his *bleeping* phone. He had butt-dialed this guy 17 times in an hour! I was mortified, especially as we had been furiously arguing over, yeah you guessed it, his phone ringing me all the time. Fool.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jan 27, 2013 at 11:28 pm
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Report Sat Jan 26, 2013 - 10:08 pmI have to confess I have been known to have a text conversation- sometimes it just seems easier-sadly it is just lazier than actual talking Remember when we had to teach people the difference between reply and reply all??Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jan 27, 2013 at 11:27 pm
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Report Sat Jan 26, 2013 - 7:58 pmI'm so glad that I get to stand outside the door to this powder room with my ear pressed to the door so hard I'm likely to get cauliflower ear, and listen to all the delicious, scandalous stuff you ladies talk about. If you ever find just a teensy bit of room at the mirror, do you think I could squeeze in there? I don't mind squatting and using just that lower left corner of the mirror over there with the grease stain on it. And I'll share my entire spectrum of Cola-flavored lip glosses with each and every one of you. If fact, you can just have them. I don't need them. I have a another Dr. Pepper one at home. I'm gonna have to repost this everywhere because I obviously have "acquaintances" who have no freaking idea what the rules are. I refuse to call them friends, even though facebook is that presumptuous. The group messages in particular always seem to make me realize how much I hate most of the people who I've allowed to be "friends" with me. In that sense, I tend to use group messages as a good opportunity to purge people. so maybe they're not so bad after all. Twitter DM? Nothing but porn, baby. Nothing but porn.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jan 27, 2013 at 11:25 pm
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Sat Jan 26, 2013 - 5:49 am
Christ on a Cracker, please Twitter DM this to everyone on Twitter RIGHT NOW PLEASE.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jan 27, 2013 at 11:22 pm
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Report Sat Jan 26, 2013 - 12:43 amYou had me at 'looking like a bag of dicks' :-)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sun Jan 27, 2013 at 11:21 pm
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Sat Jan 26, 2013 - 12:16 am
Facebook group e-mails are the WORST! And there used to be a way to just reply to one person but they must have gotten rid of it. Because Facebook sucks like that and lately they seem to want to take everything that is good and make it BAD, very BAD. I just leave the conversation. I don't care if I look antisocial. Fuck that fucking shit. And a big, fat, giant YES to everything else you said. Except Facetime… but only because I don't know what that is.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Sat Jan 26, 2013 at 12:28 am
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Report Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 9:49 pmWe should talk about voice mail; I much prefer texting to that and am tempted to set my voicemail message to "please hang up and text me." PS Wish I could share your post on social media, but such language.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Jan 25, 2013 at 10:19 pm
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 9:41 pm
So true! That butt dialing is so annoying.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Jan 25, 2013 at 9:44 pm
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 9:02 pm
They were skin colored jeggings sister. I would never skype you without pants on.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Jan 25, 2013 at 9:43 pm
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