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One mother's amazing iPhone plan for her son
The parental pitfall of which I am probably most scared is pretty much the entire description of parenthood: how best to deal with uncharted territory.
New things are coming on the scene every day. Things for which there aren't precedents as to how best to handle them. There is no freakin' manual. Oh, how I long for that manual.
Technology is one of the top contenders on the list of "How the Hell Should I Handle This?" for every parent. It's growing faster than we can keep up and every time we turn around there is some new item, service, activity, game. Things that weren't around when we were younger and so it's really damn hard to know the best way to navigate it.
We know it's our job as parents to do something, but exactly what isn't always clear. "Am I being too controlling? Am I being too lenient? Will it stunt their social skills? Make them smarter? Make them dumber? Make them unhealthy mentally or physically? Is my instinct right or is there some professional's opinion I can seek out? I'M GOING TO CHOOSE BADLY I JUST KNOW IT!!" And then thoughts of the therapist's bills start flashing in front of our eyes.
Smart phones. Whoa. That's huge. Smart phones are powerful, ultra-powerful pieces of technology. They give the user free reign to be overly connected. In the case of teenagers, we don't cut them loose into the world with anything else really. Why would we completely cut them loose in the virtual world?
But where to draw the lines? HOW to draw the lines? Massachusetts mom, Janell Burley Hofmann made an 18 point agreement with her 13-year-old son, Gregory as to how his new Christmas-gifted iPhone will be used.
I'd like to share a few of the points with you because the respectful and loving limits she has put on its use are so eloquent, so brilliant. When it is my turn to navigate the murky waters of parenting a teenager, I hope I do as well.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I
the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say
hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads
"Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
...
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you
text in person. It's a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the
ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement
costs or repairs.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or
deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are
hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the
crossfire.
...
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public.
Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human
being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private
parts or anyone else's private parts...
...
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk
about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am
on your team. We are in this together.
For the rest of this amazing letter in its entirety, please see Janell's original blog post dated 12/25/2012 and follow her on Twitter @JanellBH.
What are your thoughts on limiting phone use in this way? Intelligent and loving mother, or helicopter parenting?
Comments (10)
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Report Tue Feb 26, 2013 - 10:52 amSuch lovely, wonderful and creative ideas! Doesn’t the wonder of this season just shine.Reply -
Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 9:28 pmNice interesting article! thanks fot the post!Reply
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Report Tue Feb 5, 2013 - 9:49 pmThanks for sharing this wonderful postReply
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Report Sat Jan 5, 2013 - 4:59 amIsn't it sad that some adults need this contract?Reply
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Sat Jan 5, 2013 - 1:23 am
Thank you for sharing. I went and read her post. I'm going to give this to some folks that "might" need it.Reply -
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Fri Jan 4, 2013 - 11:34 pm
I shared Janell's post on FB and one of my friends responded that she'd made the same contract with her son when he got his phone. "It's called Responsible Parenting," she said, "And it's a sad state of affairs when the interwebs latches onto it as a phenomenal thing when it should be an everyday occurrence." While I tend to agree with her, I think the reason this particular contract has touched so many people is because of the way it's written. Janell talks directly to her son as both a parent and a friend. That's a fine line to walk and she does it exceptionally well and with a great deal of respect. I find that refreshing and I will definitely keep and use her contract as a model for how to do it when it's time for me to navigate the murky waters of technology and teenagers.Reply -
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Fri Jan 4, 2013 - 9:30 pm
Wonderful. And I agree with BI, kudos to you for sending people to the original post.Reply -
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Fri Jan 4, 2013 - 8:22 pm
Love. Love. Love! I have a 13 year old boy that just got his first phone. At this point, I have to force him to take the phone with him! I am going to add your points to our ongoing phone debacle!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Lerner on Fri Jan 4, 2013 at 9:02 pm
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Fri Jan 4, 2013 - 8:53 pm
You know what my favorite part of this whole post is, Lerner? That you are the ONLY person I've seen so far who has encouraged readers to go check out Janell's original blog post. Everyone else I've seen is reprinting her post in its entirety or linking to the ABC News article that doesn't even spell her name correctly. Kudos on your blogging ethics, my dear. You are a rare and beautiful bird.Reply
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