Ain't nobody got time for that
In a year of contagious Internet memes such as ERMAHGERD and Grumpy Cat, there is one viral sensation that has stuck with me more than any other. And no, it's not at all related to that sticky mechanical bull my friends dared me to ride at that bachelorette party in 1997.
It's Sweet Brown, the Oklahoma City woman who was interviewed earlier this year after an apartment fire and whose very colorful responses ended up being autotuned into one of the most memorable things I've seen on YouTube all year:
Seriously, I cannot get enough of it.
I mean, she's right. Nobody has time for bronchitis, or putting shoes on when you're trying to escape from an apartment fire that you initially mistook for a barbeque because you were just thirsty for a cold pop in the middle of the night. Duh.
But on a bigger scale, it's got me thinking, there are a lot of odd pairings and extra responsibilities at this time of year that create tons of unnecessary stress for people.
For instance, here we are, knee deep in the Christmas season of Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and all I want to do some days is cut a bitch. Maybe it's just the added pressure of the holidays, or maybe we all lose our minds a little when the days get shorter. Whatever the reason, something has got to give.
Here are some other unholy unions "ain't nobody got time for" this month:
1. Messy classroom painting projects on school picture day
2. Birthday parties for feverish kids
3. Multiple UPS deliveries a day to homes with psychologically disturbed dogs
4. Crazy Hat Day at school during a lice epidemic in the fourth grade
5. Being scheduled for a family portrait while Aunt Flo is in town
6. Pine needles and shag carpet
7. Outdoor nativity scenes and marauding teenagers
8. Kids' recitals with potluck dinners
9. Office Christmas parties and Kamikaze shots
10. Dawn on Christmas morning and hung-over parents
Do you feel me? I could deal with one or the other, but any of those pairs is simply too much. I think Sweet Brown would back me up here. She was living with her bronchitis, and she clearly survived an apartment fire. But BOTH? Oh Lord Jesus, ain't nobody got time for that.
What am I missing? Does this feel like "the most wonderful time of the year," or are you one burnt Christmas cookie away from starring on an episode of Snapped?