Sep 14

The no that kicked my ass

Comments (24) by Kim Bongiorno September 14, 2012 - 6:01 AM

Get your itty-bitty violins ready, people. It's time for a pity party serenade.

I got a "No."

Not just any old No. This was for something I really, really wanted.

I wanted it so badly, I could taste it. This was not a flight of fancy. This was The Real Want.

I worked for it. I felt it was right for me. My gut told me the time was now. 

I even started to allow myself-the one who always expects rejection-to not fight the little light of optimism that slipped in, to allow myself to feel good about my chances.

Then, on a day that went from bad to worse to OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET ME THE BIG SPOON AND A PINT OF HAÄGEN-DAZS, I got the No.

I was gracious and good and handled it like I should have. Then I turned around and crawled into my head. I slammed some doors and wondered What could I have done better? How could I have been so wrong about this?

As my Day of Bad News got worse and worse, I felt this particular loss the most of all. It clung to my skin and weighed me down. It made me unable to be funny or friendly. It made me mad at myself for being so upset.

I thought something was so right for me that for once my heart, my head, and my gut were all on the same page. But I was completely wrong. And it kicked me where it hurts.

In the pride.

In the confidence.

So I took a day. A day to be cranky and pissed off and disappointed. A day to watch crap TV and accept that I was wrong. A day to sit beside the unexpected No making itself comfy on my couch, and say to it "You're an asshole. Pass the cookies."

The next day, I got up, made my coffee, and took a scorching shower to clear my head. I had some work to do.

Getting this No could only mean one thing: I had to make my own Yes.

I marched to my office, turned on my MacBook and wrote.

I made lists and charts and essays and one-liners.

I decided that this No will make me better. It will make me find and earn the perfect Yes.

I decided that this No is a gift. That being turned down for something I wanted so much could only mean that a Yes is around the corner, patiently waiting for me.

I just need to find it and make it mine.

Oh, yes, it will be mine.

by Kim Bongiorno September 14, 2012 - 6:01 AM

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Comments (24)

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  • Report Sat Sep 15, 2012 - 5:08 am
    by  Steph at Im Still Learning
    We have ALL been there. Being rejected sucks ass! But it is absolutely part of life. And it does tend to give us the kick in the butt we need to do something new or different. If you hadn't gotten that "no" you wouldn't be as motived today. Good for you. You wallowed for an appropriate amount of time. Then you got up and did something productive with those feelings.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sun Sep 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm
  • Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 7:03 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Steph at Im Still Learning: Oh, you KNOW I am motivated now. Ain't nobody gonna breaka my stride...ain't nobody gonna HOLD ME DOWN. Oh no. I got to keep on mooooovin'...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 2:20 am
    by  Caro
    My "Big NO" as far as writing: when a story I was particularly proud of was returned by the teacher with only one mark on the entire thing which said, and I quote: "Inherently trite." Of course it's trite! I am 17, not hooked on drugs or trying to overcome incest. I have a limited background experience. What about the style?What about character development? What about sentence structure? What about spending more than 30 seconds grading this, you twit?
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sun Sep 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm
  • Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 7:03 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Caro: I once posted something I thought was really good, and the one Facebook comment on it was this: "Lame." That's it. It actually made me laugh, because if that's all the feedback you're willing to give, then your feedback is more about you than me.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 5:54 am
    by  Jessica
    You will definitely get your "yes" I know it, good for you for not giving up.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sun Sep 16, 2012 at 7:01 pm
  • Report Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 7:01 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Jessica: Thanks, Jessica! That's the plan, baby.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:29 pm
    by  Allison Hart
    Good for you for not letting some idiot who said no to you (who would do that???) let you think you deserved it! I got a Big Bad No once and it stopped me from writing for more than 10 years. How stupid is that?
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 15, 2012 at 8:18 am
  • Report Sat Sep 15, 2012 - 1:19 am
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Allison Hart : 10 YEARS? Hellzno. The best feeling ever is proving wrong people wrong by being really really right. :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sat Sep 15, 2012 - 1:44 am
    by  Allison Hart
    @Kim at Let Me Start By Saying: I was 17. I was in a big, big, big university. I had always been a big fish, and I was about to learn that I was a teeny fish. I applied to an advanced writing course (which was for upper classmen and I was a freshman) and I didn't get in. Of course today I'd just get even, back then I was devastated and hung up my pen.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sat Sep 15, 2012 - 8:18 am
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Allison Hart : Ugh, how frustrating. I hope you're able to make up for lost time with major kickassity.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 7:28 pm
    by  Amy
    Everyone deserves a day to commiserate with their "no" ... I'm glad you recognized that and allowed yourself to have it - but even more so, that you turned it into a fight. ;) Thank you for sharing, and pushing me to do the same
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:06 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:06 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Amy: I'm gonna knock this Yes out of the park when it finally comes my way. It's gonna be AWESOME.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 7:29 pm
    by  Janie Emaus
    Been there. Done that. It usually inspires me to just try harder and show whoever gave me that NO that they were so wrong.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:05 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:05 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Janie Emaus: Exactly. If I didn't let "No"s get me down when I was a kid, I refuse to let them get me down as a grown-up. No frickin' way.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 7:39 pm
    by  Nicole Leigh Shaw
    DAMN STRAIGHT! Babe, I give you a big, fat YES. Always, because I see you and your talent and I know your time is coming.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:04 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Nicole Leigh Shaw: I love how much you Yes me. Really. Even when I say stupid things and fight with my spellcheck. xo
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 7:54 pm
    by  Abby
    Yup. It seems the universe is slinging shit snowballs my way as of late, ironically right after I make a declaration to be more mindful of things. However, I'm seeing it as just one more challenge. I can acknowledge the crap, process it, and decide what new path I should take. You can make excuses or you can make plans, and you my dear, are not one to dwell on excuses. Enjoy your ice cream and then enjoy your future success. You're pretty much guaranteed both.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:04 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Abby: Guaranteed ice cream? I'm already a winner. And may Life stop throwing shit snowballs at you. Or Imma gonna hafta open a can of whoopass on your behalf. Just sayin'.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 9:13 pm
    by  lhewitt
    This is great, gave me chill bumps.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:03 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:03 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @lhewitt: :) Thank you!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 9:58 pm
    by  Erica
    THANK YOU! I know this is about YOU but I am in a "no" rut. It is all I am hearing. It is depressing. Demoralizing and just plain painful. The fact that you are striving harder for that YES makes me think I need to do the same. I need to put on my big girl panties. Quit being such a baby and be grateful for what I have. I need to CREATE my own YES. Thank you...very very much.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:03 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:03 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Erica: Stop being so sweet and awesome. You're making me look good.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 10:36 pm
    by  Kathleen
    When that YES comes, you will no doubt grab it by the balls and make it your bitch! I give great pep talks! Seriously, sorry it was sucktastic. But you are a really good writer, and maybe for reasons you don't even know right now, it wasn't the right opportunity. Good on you for taking inspiration from it.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Sep 14, 2012 at 11:02 pm
  • Report Fri Sep 14, 2012 - 11:02 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    @Kathleen: You should be a Life Coach. LOVE the pep talk!
    Reply Delete

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