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I'm from a long line of very smart stupid people
When one of my brothers was in high school, he drove to the local auto parts store.
He announced his arrival by crashing his sedan through the front of the building, only stopping when he hit the aisle where brake fluid was stocked.
Which was convenient, because that was exactly the thing that he went there to buy.
Because his breaks weren't really working.
This was not an abnormal occurrence in my family.
Some would call it Learned Procrastination.
I believe this in an inherited medical issue. It's not my fault.
I have Ignoretheobviousitis: The inability to see an obvious flaw until it has swollen to such proportions that someone drives through the front of a building, or a medical professional pulls one aside to ask "ARE YOU A MORON?"
It's a grossly under-diagnosed genetic trait, if you ask me.
Ignoretheobviousitis is the reason I have multiple stories of my being out dancing when my pants split clear down the back, exposing my pasty flesh to all in attendance, until a friend suggested to me (while wrapping her sweater around my waist) that I consider purchasing slightly better-made pants.
Ignoretheobviousitis is the reason I spent months fighting crippling migraines, until I noticed that I couldn't read street signs anymore and probably needed to have an eye exam to start wearing eyeglasses.
Like my siblings and my parents, I tend to wait until the very last minute before I get that Light Bulb Moment. That Aha! Soooo that's what I should do differently!
This medical issue has been a pain in my ass, both figuratively and literally, and I worry about the weave of my own kids' DNA.
Will they be as smart as I am when playing Jeopardy, but as stupid as me when I'm making the same bad decision over and over again?
Sure, it's nice to have people consider you The Smart One Who Can Proofread Proposals For Them. But it would also be nice to not be the person who can't close the refrigerator because, yet again, you put the juice bottle in at the same angle you did the last twenty times you were unable to close the refrigerator door.
I'm currently researching fundraising options in order to get someone to look into breaking the secret of unraveling this piece of failed genetic code. The only way I could possibly think of recovering from this disease myself, and preventing my children from being affected, is if a team of highly-skilled, well-paid scientists from around the globe teamed up to tackle the matter with the vengeance of blackmailed ninjas.
If you, too, are suffering from this unfair inheritance, feel free to join me in the Fight Against Ignoretheobviousitis. Together, we can make a difference...as long as none of the scientists we hired have the same affliction. Then? We're screwed.
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Comments (22)
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Wed Sep 5, 2012 - 7:15 pm
Of course I'll join, after I get through laughing.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sun Sep 23, 2012 at 6:47 am
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Mon Sep 3, 2012 - 2:13 pm
I think I'm getting better... it's only taken three days to read this. Now, about that pill.... I'd like the one that will give me a red-headed personal assistant. ;-)Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Veronica The Pajama Thief on Tue Sep 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm
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Report Mon Sep 3, 2012 - 12:39 amIgnoring the obviousitis is a condition I inherited from my mom, Joyce. Joyce is a sweet little school teacher, and a smart one at that. But, she will look you dead in the eye and without cringing on the outside, say that all of her children are republican AND Baptist. I think this, however, borders on ignoring and flat out lying. But you see what I'm working with, now.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Tue Sep 4, 2012 at 8:19 am
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Report Sat Sep 1, 2012 - 7:53 pmOh this is so hilarious. I, sadly have this issue as well. My husband often watches me in awe, how I can read, write and spell circles around him but live in a constant state of la la land.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Tue Sep 4, 2012 at 8:18 am
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Report Sat Sep 1, 2012 - 6:07 amI'd suggest we schedule a fundraising run, but, I'm sure all of us would show up on the wrong day .Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Devan on Sun Sep 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm
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Report Fri Aug 31, 2012 - 4:51 pmWhy do we not have our own walk-a-thon? A few years ago, I kept insisting I was FINE and refused to see a doctor about my weakness and shortness of breath until I almost passed out at work and ended up on the floor with my boss (a nurse) insisting I take out my tampon because I might have TSS. They force me to go to the ER. I had 4 cups of fluid trapped around my heart, crushing it. But yeah, I was "fine." :PReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm
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Report Fri Aug 31, 2012 - 5:36 pmI totally have the same thing. I'll help you fundraise if the scientists are cute.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm
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Report Fri Aug 31, 2012 - 6:21 pmWhat is even more devastating is when ignoretheobviousitis is paired with another condition called selfsabatogeitis...they are often closely linked and I suffer from both. I feel ya girl. I'm thinking a bar crawl might be the way to go to raise funds for our often overlooked conditions.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm
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Fri Aug 31, 2012 - 7:23 pm
Yes! I have this. I have this in spades! Now, where do I donate?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm
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Report Fri Aug 31, 2012 - 7:41 pmThere's a pill for that........Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Sep 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm
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