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Celebrity divorce and real life
I'm so sick of seeing celebrity marriages last about 35 seconds, then people getting in an uproar that it didn't last.
How can anyone possibly be shocked anymore?
Television and the media make whirlwind romances and quick, flashy weddings, and even quicker breakups, seem the norm. That you're supposed to fall into lust, tell everyone every little detail about your sex life, fight publicly, make up even more publicly, get engaged with a ring the size of my fist, have a "Wedding of a Lifetime" and then quickly divorce.
Twenty-somethings have been led to believe that they deserve attention, and lots of it. Do anything (or anyone) you can to get what you want, and then just do a complete 180 when you're done. Walk away. Don't over-think it.
But love, marriage, families are not like that. They are longer, messier, and require us to put other people ahead of ourselves quite a bit.
It's not about being able to adore someone through the commercial break now.
It's about still loving someone despite the fact that during commercial breaks he'll fart while changing the channel with the remote 478 times, then forget which channel you were watching and when you tell him which it is he'll insist he knows BUT HE DOESN'T so he keeps clicking and you're physically restraining yourself from snatching the remote out of his hand and just putting it back where you were before you miss too much of the plot because of his stubbornness.
Love and marriage is full of eye-rolling, flipping each other The Bird behind backs, and having commentary in your head about what your partner is doing right now that absolutely in no way should actually be shared with anyone, ever.
It is also full of knowing looks, laughter, and being understood better than you ever thought you could be.
We need more role models in the media of what it is to work at love, marriage and parenthood. That it takes time, attention and effort.
Stop making it all look so happenstance. Sure, you might serendipitously meet and fall in love at first sight. But once you're sharing a bathroom, some of that gloss is going to be steamed right off. You need to make the decision to stay and play fair.
I'm ready for the reality TV shows of long-term couples that prove that they are deliberately making it work and it is absolutely worth it.
Because for those of us non-celebrities who have made the efforts behind closed doors for years, and get to have all the different kinds of good that come from long term relationships? We have it better than anything a red rose ceremony or televised nuptials on a yacht could ever offer.
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Comments (16)
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Wed Aug 1, 2012 - 6:10 am
Great Post Kim! - I would watch that show. We do have a no fart rule. We also flip each other off face to face. We (I will just speak for him here) do think of inventive ways to kill each other. I usually just use the "Fried Green Tomatoes" quote -"if I was gonna kill you I'd use my hands", just kidding of course. (of course;)Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Thu Aug 2, 2012 at 2:08 am
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Tue Jul 31, 2012 - 6:11 pm
God Kim, this was incredibly helpful. I didn't know you had to wait until your spouse's back was turned to flip them the bird. This will make it all so much easier. Oh, and couldn't agree more.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Thu Aug 2, 2012 at 2:07 am
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Report Mon Jul 30, 2012 - 6:15 amMy husband says "Girls want everything to be a soap opera." This makes me want to flip him several birds in plain sight, but I know what he means is much like what Bridget is getting at. In the same way I like my home better when I'm not watching renovation shows, I like my love life better when I'm not watching complicated, choreographed, flash mob lip dub proposals on YouTube.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Thu Aug 2, 2012 at 2:07 am
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Report Sun Jul 29, 2012 - 5:39 amFunny, I've flipped the behind-the-back bird twice today! Your article is lovely and true, and almost makes me want to apologize for this fight. And I would, if I wasn't so right.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Thu Aug 2, 2012 at 2:06 am
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Report Fri Jul 27, 2012 - 8:28 pmAmen, sister.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Jul 28, 2012 at 1:36 am
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Report Fri Jul 27, 2012 - 8:04 pmSo glad I'm not the only one that flips my husband the bird behind his back and does the in-head running commentary. How can he think it's ok to leave 3 pairs of dirty socks on the sitting room floor????? 10 years in, still together.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Sat Jul 28, 2012 at 1:36 am
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Report Fri Jul 27, 2012 - 5:00 pmI once had a colleague that thought all the romantic comedy movies (this was score reality love series but I am sure he would qualify them the same) we're just as bad as porn. Creating impossible standards for the opposite gender to live up to. I thought he was crazy, but now that I have been married for 8 years I think he might have a point.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jul 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm
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Fri Jul 27, 2012 - 4:21 pm
Yesterday was our 26th anniversary. We talked about it last night. There have been several times over the last 26 years that it would have been really easy (maybe even easier than working it out) to walk away from it all. We didn't, tho, because divorce was never an option. It just wasn't, not for us. And that has been crazy difficult, a few times, but there it is. Now it's 26 years later and we both look at it and can say "we made it through that, we can make it through anything."Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Fri Jul 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm
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