Memo to myself
TO: The NDM
FROM: The NDM
DATE: 31st December 2012
RE: Key Learning Points from 2012
Another year has drawn to a close and there are some key learning points I wish to communicate to myself in no uncertain terms before I embark on a new one.
In 2011, you threw up in your boss's toilet at the work Christmas party and then in your handbag in the taxi ride home. At the 2012 party, you appointed yourself designated driver and drank one whole glass of champagne very very slowly over the course of four hours. I have no idea who or what you have become, lady. Did it ever occur to you that there might be some middle ground? Sheesh!
2. FORWARD PLANNING
For twenty years, I've been telling you to buy your Christmas presents in the June sales. FFS.
3. BODY IMAGE
Please don't go jeans shopping the week leading up to your period. I cannot stress this enough.
How many times do I have to tell you to clean as you go? It's much easier to wipe up the spilt coffee on the stovetop straight away than to get it off with an angle grinder six months later.
I'm not sure which universe counts "walking the long way around the table on purpose" as exercise but let me say this much: it's not this one.
Please note you belong to a BOOK group and not a WINE AND IDLE GOSSIP group. It would be nice if you managed to read at least one book next year. You know, just sayin'.
7. WORK EMAILS ON YOUR PERSONAL IPHONE
As someone with a part-time administration role for a small-to-medium arts organisation, do you need to be contactable 24/7? Do you actually *want* to receive a LinkedIn Network Update at 3AM? Does your work pay for any part of your data plan? Nope, didn't think so.
8. TIME WASTING
Unless it's sleep or sex, any activity embarked upon after 10:30PM on a weeknight is just not worth it.