Cinema seat rage
Why oh why do they even have a front row at the cinema? The front row should be, like, the fourth row where it doesn't feel like you're constantly trying to upskirt the actors on the screen. Or at the very least, the front row chairs should offer the same neck support as a dentist's chair.
The other day I found myself with no choice but to sit in the front row. Yes, my life is really that hard. It was "cheap arse Monday" at the cinema and, having queued for half our natural lives for tickets, my friend and I finally arrived at the theatre to find only a handful of non-front row seats remaining, none of them together.
There were, however, two seats either side of two women in the middle of the back row. I leant across and, using my best asking voice, asked: "Excuse me but are those two seats taken?"
"No, they are free," the women said pleasantly.
"Great!" I said. "Would you mind please moving across so my friend and I can sit together?"
The two women gave each other a knowing smile before one of them replied "Yes, well, we talked about this and no, we're not moving."
I stared blankly back at them.
"Really?" was all I could muster in response. I mean, I was taken aback. All I was asking them to do was move one seat over. At that distance from the screen it would affect their view as much as switching from your left eye to your right eye. I mean, REALLY.
"We got here early," the other woman said as if that completely explained their right to be complete arseholes.
Of course, I then spent the whole movie stewing about what else we could have done, besides retreating to the front row like whipped curs. Here are some of the things I came up with:
OPTION A: We could have taken the seats either side of them and then constantly leaned across them to share our popcorn and say things like "What did she say?" and "Isn't that the guy from that show?" and "My vaginal itch has started up again. How's yours going?"
OPTION B: I could have simply replied "No problem but (*gesturing to my friend*) this here is my gimp. Do you mind having its chain across your laps?"
OPTION C: Both my friend and I could have watched the film from the standing position in the middle of the front row and when people asked us to sit down, we could have looked at each other and said "Yes, well, we talked about this..."What would you have done?