In The Powder Room

Jan 23

Cinema seat rage

Comments (15) by TheNDM January 23, 2013 - 7:02 AM

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Why oh why do they even have a front row at the cinema? The front row should be, like, the fourth row where it doesn't feel like you're constantly trying to upskirt the actors on the screen. Or at the very least, the front row chairs should offer the same neck support as a dentist's chair.

The other day I found myself with no choice but to sit in the front row. Yes, my life is really that hard. It was "cheap arse Monday" at the cinema and, having queued for half our natural lives for tickets, my friend and I finally arrived at the theatre to find only a handful of non-front row seats remaining, none of them together.

There were, however, two seats either side of two women in the middle of the back row. I leant across and, using my best asking voice, asked: "Excuse me but are those two seats taken?"

"No, they are free," the women said pleasantly.

"Great!" I said. "Would you mind please moving across so my friend and I can sit together?"

The two women gave each other a knowing smile before one of them replied "Yes, well, we talked about this and no, we're not moving."

I stared blankly back at them.

"Really?" was all I could muster in response. I mean, I was taken aback. All I was asking them to do was move one seat over. At that distance from the screen it would affect their view as much as switching from your left eye to your right eye. I mean, REALLY.

"We got here early," the other woman said as if that completely explained their right to be complete arseholes.

Of course, I then spent the whole movie stewing about what else we could have done, besides retreating to the front row like whipped curs. Here are some of the things I came up with:

OPTION A: We could have taken the seats either side of them and then constantly leaned across them to share our popcorn and say things like "What did she say?" and "Isn't that the guy from that show?" and "My vaginal itch has started up again. How's yours going?"

OPTION B: I could have simply replied "No problem but (*gesturing to my friend*) this here is my gimp. Do you mind having its chain across your laps?"

OPTION C: Both my friend and I could have watched the film from the standing position in the middle of the front row and when people asked us to sit down, we could have looked at each other and said "Yes, well, we talked about this..."

What would you have done?

by TheNDM January 23, 2013 - 7:02 AM

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• • 
    The people of the mall

    by Kim Bongiorno May 23, 2013 - 6:02 AM
  • 
    Shit I hate about movies

    by TheNDM May 23, 2013 - 6:01 AM
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    Making my own fun

    by TheNDM May 15, 2013 - 6:02 AM
  • 
    If Julia Roberts made paninis for a living

    by The Regular Guy UK April 23, 2013 - 6:02 AM

Comments (15)

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• 
  Report Sat Feb 16, 2013 - 12:32 am

  by  A Mother Life

  people are selfish aresholes. The End. But I would have totally sat side by side and talked.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Tue Feb 5, 2013 - 2:58 am

  by  Kim

  Actually, I can see it both ways. If you get to the theater early, specifically to pick the very best seats you should get to keep them, yeah? But then again, it's kind of a d-bag move not to just scoot one or two seats over so that two people who came together can sit together. Given the choices, I'd probably go with Option A. I especially like the bit about the vaginal itch...that would get 'em!

  Reply Delete
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 8:29 am

  by  lhewitt

  Hey NDM, Oh Hell No. A&B - and many other things that are occuring to me as I type, after I cussed the stupid bitches out. They talked about it? They planned it? I am mad just thinking about. What movie was it?

  Reply Delete
• 2 replies, Last reply by lhewitt on Fri Jan 25, 2013 at 7:33 pm
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 8:52 am

  by  TheNDM

  @lhewitt: It was 'The Perks of Being A Wallflower'. I think they went home and congratulated themselves on taking a stand against the evil latecomers in their dream journals, don't you?

  Reply Delete
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  Report Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 7:33 pm

  by  lhewitt

  @TheNDM: I'm sure they did. I would have sat between those bitches. They would have moved.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 2:40 am

  by  SaidKristin

  Option A. Definitely Option A. I would have done it, too. Those women would have rued the day they came up with such asshattery as to not shift down one seat when politely asked. I can be super obnoxious.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by TheNDM on Fri Jan 25, 2013 at 4:29 am
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  Report Fri Jan 25, 2013 - 4:29 am

  by  TheNDM

  @SaidKristin: Are there pocket versions of you that I can whip out and spray on said arsehatterists, like so much mace?

  Reply Delete
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 5:25 am

  by  RHONDA LOUISE

  Well they were acting like children so Option D: I would have taken a seat beside them, done a bit of a wee on it and then dobbed them in to the usher.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by TheNDM on Thu Jan 24, 2013 at 7:39 am
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 7:39 am

  by  TheNDM

  @RHONDA LOUISE: Or even better, sit on their lap and wee on *them*. They kinda deserved it.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Wed Jan 23, 2013 - 7:48 pm

  by  rootietoot

  I would have done the first one. Seriously WHO doesn't move over one seat like that??

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by TheNDM on Thu Jan 24, 2013 at 5:01 am
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 5:01 am

  by  TheNDM

  @rootietoot: They're probably the kind of people who whip out the calculator at the end of group meals and take into account who tasted their salad and who ate more bread...

  Reply Delete
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  Report Wed Jan 23, 2013 - 5:08 pm

  by  KC

  I am outraged on your behalf. I believe your best tactic would have been A because let's face it when you're that outraged over the behaviour of others you wouldn't have been focusing on the film anyway.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by TheNDM on Thu Jan 24, 2013 at 4:41 am
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 4:41 am

  by  TheNDM

  @KC: I can't imagine you letting such people off lightly, KC. I needed to channel my inner KC and whup those beeotches asses.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Wed Jan 23, 2013 - 9:26 pm

  by  Janie Emaus

  I would have talked over them, for sure. How rude! They are probably the same people who won't give up their single seat on an airplane so that a family can sit together.

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• 1 reply, Last reply by TheNDM on Thu Jan 24, 2013 at 4:38 am
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  Report Thu Jan 24, 2013 - 4:38 am

  by  TheNDM

  @Janie Emaus: Or think it's more important for their bag to have a seat on the bus than an actual human being...

  Reply Delete