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Top 5 things teachers want you to know
This was the first fall in 18 years that I did not go back to the classroom. Even though I miss my students, their families and my co-workers, I am enjoying my new life as a blogger.
As an ex-teacher, I now have the freedom to share some back to school tips with you that you will not find in your school handbook.
Ask any teacher and they will tell you that they love their students. They will tell you that they love teaching. They will tell you that they love MOST of the parents. If alcohol is involved, they might even admit that there are just a few things that they wish they could say to just a handful of parents.
But, they cannot say these things because they must uphold the teacher code. The code that says they cannot bitch about their student's parents. The code that says they must nod and smile in the face of complete disrespect. The code that says they cannot roll their eyes when a Kindergarten parent asks if they can wipe little Johnny's bottom.
I no longer have to follow this code. So ... here you go.
1. If your little darling has lice and your idea of "treating" it includes mayonnaise or incense, I would like to personally remove every single bug from your child's head and serve them to you on your seaweed wrap for lunch.
2. If your little darling comes to school and reports "I threw up this morning, but Mommy and Daddy have a busy day so I had to come to school, anyway" I would like to drop off not only your vomiting child but also the 23 newly infected vomiters to your very important workplace.
3. If you are consistently late picking up your child because your tanning session ran late, the Girls Day Out got crazy, or you just had to finish up your very important meeting, I would like to enjoy some time at Starbucks tomorrow morning while you wait for me to arrive to the classroom.
4. If you point to your cell phone and mouth "I'm on the phone" during a parent teacher conference, I would like to point to my ass and mouth the words "Suck it!"
5. If your SUV the size of an ocean liner is holding up the pick up/drop off line while you French braid little Janie's hair or sing the ABC's with little Joey, all the while balancing your cell phone, I would like to give all the waiting parents behind you a turn with a baseball bat in a game I would call "SUV Pinata!"
Comments (18)
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Report Thu Oct 4, 2012 - 5:50 amHmm, I've been a teaher for 17 years and I know nothing about this code. I have no qualms about complaining about people, I just never say their names. And I can't control my eyes. They roll and roll. And apparently I can't control the rest of my face either. Good thing parents rarely bother to make it into the middle school to see my face. And I should get extra points for NOT taking a pen this morning and correcting a very poorly spelled note from a mother. Like seriously, it took almost all of my strength to keep my mouth shut and not get a pen. Oh and I can't tell you how jealous I am that you had the chance to leave the classroom and experience a fall sans school. I have never in my life experienced that because I started teaching right out of school. I love teaching but it gets so much more insanely ridiculous every year.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Sandy on Wed Oct 10, 2012 at 8:10 pm
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Report Tue Oct 9, 2012 - 8:14 amAnother teacher here just out of the classroom...you just cracked me up! Your words are so true and said with a smile and a nod. :) I do understand everything you said.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Wed Oct 10, 2012 at 12:37 am
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Report Fri Oct 5, 2012 - 9:42 pmOkay, I'm not a teacher (Thank God) I don't like kids that much (just kidding). Anyway, I have been behind the dawdling parent in the drop off line and I think SUV Pinata sounds great. Let's start tomorrow, shall we! One more comment, since I am not a teacher and I do have a responsibility to protect the innocent parents of this somewhat belligerent attack (though I know there are many, many STUPID parents out there), my children have had some very STUDID (and childish) teachers as well. I think stupidity is a human thing, not a teacher vs. parent thing. It seems the teachers are getting younger and younger everyday (no life experience under their belts), and they are not much brighter than the uneducated parents either I might add.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Oct 7, 2012 at 5:22 am
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Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 7:42 pm
Great Post. We need to hear more teacher stories! And - #4 to everybody. WTH - it is a phone. BACK IN THE DAY - one phone, at home, no messages, no text, no pixs, miss that sometimes.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by lhewitt on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 4:10 am
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Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 3:23 pm
Mayonnaise and incense? What is this magic you speak of? And I would SO lead the way to SUV pinata!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 2:07 am
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Report Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 7:08 pmYes... I would like to ring the parents neck when they hold up the carpool line... I want to have a bull horn and YELL the WHITE ZONE is for unloading and loading passangers only ... NO PARKING... Before you leave the house- Feed your kids, brush hair, put on sock and shoes, coat hat gloves, and you child should know how to get out of their booster seat alone!!! IF not there are parking spaces for you to sit in your "mobile" home!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 2:04 am
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Report Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 7:31 pmHilarious. I think you have more in you though. How about a followup?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 2:02 am
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Report Wed Oct 3, 2012 - 7:47 pmyes! Former high school teacher here- I probably have some tips as well but considering my 4 years in the classroom was so god-awful I think I have blocked it all out of my memory. Oh- maybe this one: Greeting people with 'HEY If you're one a my BITCHES or my HOES LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE TONE' on your cell phone leaves your child's teacher confused considering she is most likely not one of your bitches nor your hoes. (true story- although she used even more profane slurs to describe her 'homies').Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 2:00 am
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