Spiritual journey questionnaire: Answers optional
I'm reaching a point in my life where I'm no longer content to think, "Maybe there's something greater out there, maybe there isn't."
Two of my very best friends have very definite views on this topic: one devout Christian, the other atheist.
I have huge respect for the fact that they both know exactly what they believe.
Their certainty has prompted me to question my uncertainty. It has caused me to wander through the religion section of the book store, holding this book about science, and this book about God; reading the flap inside the hardcover hoping the words will speak to me one way or the other.
After several weeks of pondering the existence of a greater power, I've been left with these burning questions:
1. Will spiritual awakening clash with the fact that my my main past-time involves posing in front of the mirror in a bikini, checking out the firmness of my glutes?
2. Does God appreciate the fact that I spend so much time working on my ass so it can be firm?
3. Will this higher power find it amusing that when I pee my pants when I sneeze in public, I toss my panties in those little metal boxes meant for sanitary products?
4. Maybe God doesn't want me to go "commando"?
5. And if so - why doesn't this super power make it so I don't pee my pants?
6. Better yet, why doesn't God send me a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret so I can buy new panties?
7. If I'm trying to become spiritually enlightened, I probably shouldn't be asking for free shit from God...
8. I probably shouldn't be referring to stuff as "shit"...or be swearing...or write the word "ass" in a post in which I'm seeking spiritual awakening.
9. Surely I get to say "vagina" though?
10. Because it's God's fault that "vagina" is my default word when I get nervous, and don't know what to say...
So after this moment of deep introspection, I'm left thinking one loud, resounding thought: VAGINA!