In The Powder Room

Apr 12

Spiritual journey questionnaire: Answers optional

Comments (9) by Sandra C April 12, 2012 - 6:02 AM

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I'm reaching a point in my life where I'm no longer content to think, "Maybe there's something greater out there, maybe there isn't."

Two of my very best friends have very definite views on this topic: one devout Christian, the other atheist.

I have huge respect for the fact that they both know exactly what they believe.

Their certainty has prompted me to question my uncertainty. It has caused me to wander through the religion section of the book store, holding this book about science, and this book about God; reading the flap inside the hardcover hoping the words will speak to me one way or the other.

After several weeks of pondering the existence of a greater power, I've been left with these burning questions:

1.      Will spiritual awakening clash with the fact that my my main past-time involves posing in front of the mirror in a bikini, checking out the firmness of my glutes?

2.      Does God appreciate the fact that I spend so much time working on my ass so it can be firm?

3.      Will this higher power find it amusing that when I pee my pants when I sneeze in public, I toss my panties in those little metal boxes meant for sanitary products?

4.      Maybe God doesn't want me to go "commando"?

5.      And if so - why doesn't this super power make it so I don't pee my pants?

6.      Better yet, why doesn't God send me a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret so I can buy   new panties?

7.      If I'm trying to become spiritually enlightened, I probably shouldn't be asking for free   shit from God...

8.      I probably shouldn't be referring to stuff as "shit"...or be swearing...or write the word   "ass" in a post in which I'm seeking spiritual awakening.

9.      Surely I get to say "vagina" though?

​10.    Because it's God's fault that "vagina" is my default word when I get nervous, and don't know what to say...

So after this moment of deep introspection, I'm left thinking one loud, resounding thought: VAGINA!

by Sandra C April 12, 2012 - 6:02 AM

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  Report Sun Apr 15, 2012 - 7:44 am

  by  Laurie

  Love it sis! Keep researching, keep asking questions. Exploring your spirituality can be a very interesting and uplifting experience. When you find what you need, you'll know it. It will speak to you. Blessed be.

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  Report Fri Apr 13, 2012 - 6:53 pm

  by  Snake

  Does God care about how firm your ass is, or whether you go commando, or your malfunctioning bladder, or giving you free shit, or whether you say "ass" and "shit" in this post, or VS panties, or whether "vagina" is your default word? Likely not . . . lol Then the question becomes, what DOES God care about? :) As far as a previous comment about a talking Snake, apparently one does exist! Be a Warrior . . . Ciao

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• 2 replies, Last reply by Snake on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 5:05 am
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  Report Sat Apr 14, 2012 - 3:17 am

  by  Clare Macnaughton

  @Snake: Did you type this with your fork tongue or tail? The truth is that Adam ate the apple, blamed Eve, who made up some bullshit tale about a talking snake to get everyone out of the poo.

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  Report Sun Apr 15, 2012 - 5:05 am

  by  Snake

  @Clare Macnaughton: Forked tongue AND tail . . . Ambi baby! I quite enjoy the Kabbalistic approach . . . Most of the Torah (first five books of the OT) is meant to be interpreted literally, metaphorically, metaphysically, and mystically . . . If we're basing belief in a Higher Power only on talk of a serpent in Genesis, there's much more to look at than that . . . Beyond that, I have some great parrot jokes, which have nothing to do with Genesis . . . lol Ciao

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  Report Sat Apr 14, 2012 - 9:06 pm

  by  Janie Junebug

  Sandra, God cares about you. He probably admires your ass along with you because He's so happy you take care of yourself and you work hard to be the best you can be. He doesn't want you to take his name in vain, but I doubt if he has a problem with vagina. As far as science and religion are concerned, the two can work together. Einstein believed in God. Who else could create a universe so amazing that scientists could spend forever studying it? Don't worry about all the savage rules is the Old Testament. The love of the New Testament replaces the nastiness of the Old. Jesus never said He hates gay people. Jesus never said you can't say shit. And I get postcards from VS all the time, offering me guess what? A free pair of panties. If you want to stop peeing when you sneeze, talk to your gynecologist. It's not God's fault if you pee. Everything good comes from God and everything bad comes from mankind. If you ever want a longer explanation about how sin entered the world, I have it covered. Believe it or not, I taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School for 25 years. My students loved me cuz I know God wants us to be happy. Love, Janie

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  Report Sat Apr 14, 2012 - 1:32 am

  by  Belle

  I don't think God cares about you wanting a firm ass; I'm sure he wants us all to be as healthy as we can be. I don't do too well on that front. I think God wants you to love and be loved by Him. "Love is our aim..." "The greatest of these is love..." "Love one another as I have loved you." "God is love." Love is where it's at with God, Sandra. And, "Without Me you can do nothing." That goes for true love too. You will never regret giving your life to him.

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  Report Fri Apr 13, 2012 - 1:44 am

  by  JohnoMori

  I think it was Pythagoras who theorized that it is a better bet to believe in God just in case he/she actually exists. God, I sound pretty smart there. I am not. Just ask my wife. Or God.

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• 1 reply, Last reply by Clare Macnaughton on Fri Apr 13, 2012 at 1:50 am
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  Report Fri Apr 13, 2012 - 1:50 am

  by  Clare Macnaughton

  @JohnoMori: Yes - that is very wise! I thought that too for ages - but then the talking snake....you know....really?

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  Report Thu Apr 12, 2012 - 11:58 pm

  by  Clare Macnaughton

  Ask yourself this - have you EVER met a talking snake? If the answer is yes - go God. If the answer is no - then go atheist. I think you need to speak to Iris about kegels for the pee thing. I prefer fanny to vagina.

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