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Working mothers - another survey of doom
In the UK, working mothers spend on average just over one hour per day with their children. The exact amount is one hour and 21 minutes, which was a lot more than the screaming headline in the Daily Mail that carried the story but still, I thought that sounded pretty good. That was until I read further and discovered that the amounts stated included weekends. So averaging it out most of these working mothers are spending only a matter of minutes with their children each weekday. Brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘Hello Stranger,' doesn't it?
In Australia, working mums come out on top. They spent the most time with their children per day, spending two hours and 17 minutes per day with their Aussie offspring. American working mothers rack up one hour and 34 minutes.
So is it okay? Is there a choice? Should we obsess about this, chalk it up to another #fail in our roles as mothers, fall on our metaphorical ironing boards? Again?!?
Of course the newspapers covering these results didn't bother looking at working fathers. Well, why would you? We expect working fathers to be absent; in fact I'm sure many kids think those suits are just dad-skin and briefcases come surgically moulded to their dad's fist. Yet another mummy-knocking survey. Perhaps some of that paid researcher time might have been better spent hoovering our houses or unblocking the sink for example. In a household with two working parents, why is everyone most concerned with judging the mothers?
In the US, they are trying to do something about the ever-diminishing time parents and children are spending together with a new scheme called FAST Parenting (FAST standing for Families and Schools Together). On MumsRock.com, we used to file someof our posts under the title ‘Speed Parenting.' We thought that was funny at the time.
Judgments aside, I do wonder what our children will grow up to aspire to family/work/life-wise with their hand-over worlds of childcare, school, babysitters and occasional hands-on parents. Will they rebel against our ambitions and responsibilities, downsizing to rural squats and turning their back on the career ladders we've struggled to scale for so long? Perhaps they will have their children young, home-school and raise a generation of kids who have more in common with our parents or grandparents generation.
And as I ponder that one, I'm going to close my computer down and hang out with my son for a bit. Just to chill and see whether I can't up our average a little bit.
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Comments (7)
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Report Fri Apr 8, 2011 - 12:46 amThis so strikes a chord with me. I had a working mum growing up, and resented it a lot of the time, even though we had extended family so were'nt shoved around like a lot of kids are today. Fast forward 20 years and I found myself, working full time with a child in full-time nursery. It was ridiculous that I was guilty working away from my child and I was guilty being with my child while my work to-do list piled up. I eventually left work (at the time, I felt completely forced in to leaving) but on hindsight, it was the best decision and move I could have ever made. As women growing up, we are bombarded with messages about how we need to strive to be independent, to be achievers, to be able to do everything and anything that a 'man' can do. I'm not against feminism at all, in fact quite pro-it. But, time comes, when being a mother, or mothering to the best of my ability has taken precedent over what I would otherwise have been loathe to relinquish.Reply -
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Fri Apr 1, 2011 - 2:45 pm
I can't get behind the FAST parenting (and I saw that programme, too!) I just can't. It's too regimented, too structured, too difficult particularly with twins - "Hi, I totally love you, but your 15 minutes is coming, this isn't it." Not easy, particularly with 3 year olds with no concept of time. What I don't buy is that we only spend 1+ hours a day with our kids including weekends. I do work during the day and the twins go to nursery, but there is an hour and a half on either side of their nursery and the entire days of Saturday and Sunday are devoted to them. Life goes on with them - I do laundry, clean and cook, but they dash around me and do things with me. Not even a SAHM puts everything down every waking moment for our kids.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Gigi_E on Fri Apr 1, 2011 at 4:02 pm
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Fri Apr 1, 2011 - 1:34 am
Hilariously I have just participated in a FAST parenting experiment. It involved spending 15 minutes unstructured time with my child. What amazes me is that just being with your child now has a name and a mission FFS. I'd like to see more flexible working and women (and men) pushing for this to be the norm - it's a winner as far as I'm concerned.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Gigi_E on Fri Apr 1, 2011 at 3:22 am
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Report Fri Apr 1, 2011 - 2:50 amThis absolutely resonated with me, particularly the comment regarding working fathers. My hubby occasionally hints wistfully that our tot should really be spending more time with her parents than being semi-adopted by the childminder most of the day, however he knows that I need the challenge and independence and individual validation that my career gives me, and when challenged certainly wouldn't be a house-hubby, and reckons he does more than most, but the point is really do we do enough full stop? And I think a rebellion against our generation's work/life balance and ethics is probably both inevitable and healthy. Businesses at some point need to give, and women need to give ourselves a break. Inside and out.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Gigi_E on Fri Apr 1, 2011 at 3:19 am
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