 |
SuperNanny, bite me!
Sometimes, when I'm tired or the children have been particularly difficult, if someone were to look through the four walls of my house and watch my parental skills in action, I'd be mortified.
My behaviour can be, shall we say, a tad disappointing at times.
I've admitted before to calling my son stupid, to manhandling my children into bed, and to using television and wine to babysit my children and myself respectively. So this confession shouldn't come as a complete surprise.
I can shout, holler and screech, threaten or plead. Sometimes I cry like a baby or fizzle like a fishwife. And often, sadly, pretty darn ineffectually.
Not all the time, of course. I'm pretty good at multi-tasking but it IS difficult to eat chocolate and drink wine while simultaneously stamping your feet and frothing at the mouth. So I'm sometimes forced to remain calm.
If I catch an episode of SuperNanny these days, it all seems so, well, UN-extra-ordinary. Okay maybe not the extreme cases; my children are not prone to launching themselves at me from the dinner table teeth bared, nails out like some kind of half demon / half child. (Did you SEE that episode?) And I do manage to hold in the swear words most of the time. But my children are often a little out of control, and me, well, bordering on the desperate.
One of Supernanny's golden rules - always act like the parent. Well if you peered through my letterbox on occasion, you'd be hard pressed to know who was the child and who the adult. I can throw a sarcastic comment or two around to rival any stroppy teenager, take camp on the ground and refuse to budge like a stubborn toddler, and I've certainly used a few nonchalant "So what?" and "Just because," and "Bite me," remarks in my time. (Okay maybe not the last one, but it'd help with repetition).
But I do at least TRY to do my banshee thing behind closed doors. I'm aware my behaviour is imperfect and sometimes immature, that I'm occasionally deserving of a full 34 minutes on the naughty step (one for each of my years - thanks Jo), and I'm certainly no stranger to the apology. But there are mums that wear their inside behaviour on the outside - that shout and scream and get their knickers in a twist and around their ankles without, it would seem, a care in the world. Without any kind of inkling that perhaps this behaviour is really NOT what one should be striving for, and should certainly NEVER be brought out into the open.
If I can sometimes behave like a fishwife at home, these women are like market fishmongers on speed.
At least I try and put up some kind of pretence to the outside world that I'm in perfect balance, even if I'm frequently close to losing it behind closed doors.
You May Also Like
Comments (28)
-
Report Thu Nov 24, 2011 - 12:18 amHello my dear, Am well pleased contact you after seeing your profile today at (www.inthepowderroom.com) sorisomail.com'm interested having communication with you as one true friend, please dear write me back my e email (joy.khalifa63@yahoo.com) so I can me introduce you and also give my photos. i'm waiting to hear you soon. Its joy. joy.khalifa63@yahoo.comReply -
Report Sun Nov 13, 2011 - 9:17 pmThe more parent blogs I read, the more I realise that I'm not alone with my guilt and self loathing on such occasions but that by being honest about our failings, we're not just taking a load off ourselves, but freeing other parents too and (assuming we apologise for our own toddler tantrums of course!) teaching our children that its ok to make mistakes and not be perfect all of the time - which has to be a pretty important life lesson right? Especially if they wanna become parents too. Congratulations on such a brave, honest (and hilarious!) post. Inspiring.Reply
-
Report Sun Nov 13, 2011 - 9:14 pmBehind closed doors - what a comforting phrase that is!Reply
-
Report Sat Nov 12, 2011 - 11:47 amI flippin love this post. I might sellotape it to my head so I can read it several times a day.Reply -
Report
Sat Nov 12, 2011 - 12:14 am
I won't even start on my litany of parenting #fails, but believe me it's a long and terrible list dripping with guilt and were I to see myself from afar I'd be ashamed more than I'd be proud. BUT for some reason my children are extraordinarily capable of forgiving my shortcomings, and still take the time to kiss me on the nose, except when I'm caning them at Just Dance. Truth is that there's just no such thing as a perfect parent. We're all just keeping our heads above the water, holding each other afloat. It's late and I'm in grave danger of lapsing into horrible cliches. You do good Milk, just keep swimming xReply -
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 4:53 pm
I'm awful at not bearing a grudge, very un-Mum like, but I genuinely find it really hard to kiss, make up and move on. And my back chat and muttering under my breath isn't so good sometimes either. But never in public...Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Fri Nov 11, 2011 at 5:13 pm
-
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 6:15 pm
My rule is that perfection isn't important, so long as you apologise when you get it wrong. I've yelled at my kids, and been MEAN, but when I regain control I tell them that I shouldn't have shouted and I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with showing kids you're human. Mine certainly respect me more for it. AND THERE'S A REASON GINA FORD AND THE LIKE DON'T HAVE KIDS! It's easy to say how to do it wrong......Reply -
6 replies, Last reply by Gigi (Ed.) on Fri Nov 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm
-
Report Fri Nov 11, 2011 - 4:03 amI'm 42. Does that mean I get 42 minutes on the naughty step? If so, sign me up, I could use the time to paint my nails! You're so funny! Cut yourself some slack, we all suck at parenthood, but our kids don't know it!Reply
-
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 9:25 pm
My children rendered me catatonic in a supermarket the other dayMy three year old was stood inside the trolley waving her arse around singing "bum,bum,bum,bum" and my 8 year old was sharing every thought that was passing through his brain in the form of a question while trying to wheel the trolley like a skateboard. It was doing my head in so much that I actually wanted to punch them and call them little fuckers and scream 'why won't you fucking behave yourselves' but I didn't I just abandoned the trolley and put them in the car and went home. #supermarketfail. Children are younger, fitter and more tenacious than us. I could be supernanny - it's easy if you just watlz in and out but us we have got a life a sentence!!Reply -
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 8:50 pm
I think we're all close to losing it behind closed doors. And I have no idea what kind of parent I will be..yet..but I have a terrible sarcastic side...so who knows where that'll play in my parenting style.Reply -
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 1:06 pm
I'd never survive a visit from Super Nanny. She'd be on my ass for my neglectful ways and sarcastic comments like white on rice. And I'd be on that naughty bench for 41 and 1/2 minutes, rolling my eyes and flipping her the bird the entire time. But I do try my best to contain the maniacal screaming to the privacy of my own home. Thank God not everyone else is so discreet or who would I have to compare myself to?Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 8:22 pm
-
Report
Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 11:20 am
I once called my four year old an idiot. Admittedly he had performed a particularly idiot action with his one year old sister and I was beyond angry. But I've felt so very bad about it since. He's forgotten all about it. Little 'tike'. Mind you, saying that - some kids have no sense of humour about this kind of stuff - I mean I wouldn't mind him calling me an idiot on occasion. As long as it's not in front of his teacher.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Gigi (Ed.) on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 8:03 pm
-
Report Thu Nov 10, 2011 - 10:22 amI don't watch SuperNanny it just infuriates me and reminds me of the definition of critic (legless woman who teaches running). I'm lucky, in a sense, that my kids are older and so I have had a over 18 years of experience in this mothering lark. I've realised that that over that time there have been good times and bad times and I've behaved well and I've behaved appallingly. It's been as much a steep learning curve as it has been for my three growing kids. And that's ok! Just remember to be real - to say you're sorry when neccessary, to be as consistent as you can and to try and remember that we are all fallible. SuperNanny can bite me too!Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Enter the word as it appears in the box.