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Creepy stalker guy
For the past five months I have been training for a bikini competition in March.
In order to train for this competition, and to stay in shape, I weight train at the gym, but I do my cardio sessions, ie. jogging, power walking, running, outside in my neighbourhood.
After 6 years of living in this area, I suspect my neighbours refer to me as the Psycho Lady. I'm that chick you see doing walking lunges up and down her driveway. I'm that crazy girl doing push-ups on the sidewalk. I take my son to the park, and instead of sitting next to the other parents on the benches to make small talk about little Joey's psoriasis, I will jump on the bench, then jump off the bench. On the bench. Off the bench....what? It's a totally great butt workout.
This morning I decided to switch up my cardio by doing what I refer to as: hill climbing. Simply put, I go to our local sledding hill, and hike up the hill, then jog back down.
It was 6am. It was still dark outside. As I was digging my heels into that steep hill, I lifted my head, and there, standing at the top, hands on his hips, wearing a full face mask and dark sunglasses was a burly man...did I mention it was 6am and dark outside?
It never occurred to me when I had ventured out that morning that I would be in any danger.
My mind froze...partly because it was fucking cold outside, but partly because I don't react well under pressure.
I had no idea what to do. It's not like I never see other people out at this time of day. And it was freezing out, so the facemask wasn't completely out of place. The sunglasses though...?
When I work in the hospital, upon entering a patient's room early in the morning, knowing I will be waking them by turning on a harsh fluorescent light, before proceeding to undress them so I can place a cold stethoscope against their warm skin, I've developed a greeting which immediately disarms my patient, and saves me from their anger.
I figured this situation, with Mr. I-Wear-My-Sunglasses-at-Night, called for the same greeting.
As I arrived at the top of the hill, I faced the strange fellow, and let out a loud, energetic, and slightly off key "Good morning! Good morning! It's great to stay up late! Good morning! Good morning, to you!"
The guy turned away, ran into the bushes, never to be seen again...
Ok, not really.
The guy pulled off his facemask, revealing a friendly smile, and said in an Asian accent, "You doing crazy with the up and the down. Crazy..."
Translation: You're that Psycho Lady the neighbours talk about, aren't you?
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Comments (43)
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Report Sat Jan 28, 2012 - 3:13 amI can be the neighborhood psycho lady without ever leaving the house. Love, JanieReply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Sat Feb 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm
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Report Sat Jan 28, 2012 - 4:07 amBahahahaha! Oh, I'm so glad this didn't turn into a psycho chasing you down the hill story. It was really an ugly turnout in my imagination.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Sat Feb 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm
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Report Mon Jan 30, 2012 - 4:51 pmGreat story. Love his quote - "you are doing crazy." Glad you used your head in that scary situation.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Sat Feb 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm
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Report Tue Jan 31, 2012 - 3:00 amOh, I would've run the other way!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Sat Feb 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm
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Tue Jan 31, 2012 - 7:05 pm
HOLY CRAP, this made me bust a gut. I can totally see you bursting into song and scaring the bejeezus outta that poor guy. They should teach this method in self-defense classes around the globe.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Sat Feb 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 3:07 pm
I'm with Clare. Pics, please, when ready.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 5:45 pm
You're the only person I "know" that would get a friendly stalker in the middle of winter @ 6 am. (I HATE walking lunges, a Crossfit staple! UGH!)Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 6:00 pmMy mom would wake me most mornings with the very same tune. It's a miracle I never killed her. Good show unmasking the potential creeper!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 7:18 pmThere are weirdo's at the gym, too. But that would have totally freaked me out! Ski mask and sunglasses. Yeah, he was "doing crazy", too.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 11:04 pmGod, I love you!!!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 11:53 pmMy dad used to sing that damn song every morning when I was a kid to wake me up for school... Definitely works to wake someone up, but if I were your patient it probably wouldn't save you from my anger. Haha. You "do crazy" with the best of them, Sandra! And we love you for it.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 12:58 amHa! YOu could have kicked his a**, right? Seriously! I was stalked in the grocery store the other night, and he followed me right out the door. In the back of my head, I was already all over him, tearing him up! In the front of my head, I was stressing because I had my running shoes on, and it was raining, and I realized earlier, while running, that those damn things were slippery!! It would have been ugly. So instead of tearing him up, I walked as quickly as I could to the car, jumped in, and told my 17 year old who was waiting for me (she's just learning how to drive) to "Go, go, go!" Yep... I felt ridiculous, but seriously. I don't like being stalked!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 1:54 amI don't think I'd react well either. I have never had to react in an actual life or death emergency, but when something is unusual, or bod, I kind of go to this otherwordly this isn't happening is it kind of place. LIke when I set something on fire on the stove, I looked at it for a sec before reacting. So, seeing a face masked man with sunglasses would probably scare the bejesus out of me but I would be afraid to let him know i'm afraid, so I'd probably keep doing what I was doing and hope he wasn't going to kill me.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 2:05 amOMG I love it. You do the crazy...that's freaking great. I want to be the crazy little old lady of my neighborhood...maybe I should start now while I am young? And if he was some crazy stalker I am sure your singing would have made him think twice. He might have thought you were crazier than him.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 2:27 amYou are totally hilarious! I've seen ladies like you doing the cardio-weirdness-while-walking/jogging in my neighbourhood too. Yes, if it weren't so psycho/see-it-every-day, I'd call 911. :) RosemaryReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:58 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 2:50 am"You doing crazy with the up and the down. Crazy..." Yeah...O.K. were batman and robin.... I'm crazy lady and your mask wearing loon. What's with the mask? Winter/Canada thing?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 6:02 am---bikini competition? You. Rock. & I'm envious as hell, you crazy Psycho lady. XReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 6:08 am
I would have been frightened also. You handled it well and thank goodness he wasn't some nut job. I admire your dedication to staying fit.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 3:14 pmI would have freaked out, tripped and fallen down the hill. Oh who am I kidding. I would have never been on the damn hill in the first place.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:53 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 6:30 pmThat's too funny. And I would have been scare shitless by the masked sunglass man!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Sandra on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:52 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 5:30 pmOoh super creepy!Reply
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 5:18 pm
he he he.Reply -
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 8:28 am
To be honest that dude has a point!! Bikini pics please when ready to reveal.....Reply
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