Feb 06
 |
Winners and losers
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. This saying has been ingrained into our minds since pre-school.
And it's true. Good sportsmanship is an admirable character trait. One that we need to get through life.
But let's get real. So is winning.
No one ever enters a competition to come in last place. We don't go on a job interview in order to receive a "thank you, but that position has been filled" email. We don't spend hours away from our loved ones practicing a double Lutz just for the mere fun of it.
Fact is, we can't all be number one, all the time. But when we are the best, we need that recognition.
So, it irks me when in today's "politically correct" world, there's no score kept at a little league game. Or when everyone gets a prize at a competition. In fact, often times the awards ceremony is longer than the competition itself.
Case in point: the dance event I went to last weekend.
They gave out the usual first, second, third, fourth and fifth place trophies. Or maybe they went to tenth place. I can't be sure because my attention was wondering away from the never-ending ceremony.
And just when I thought it was finally over, they moved on to awards that had nothing to do with dancing at all. Best costume. Best music. Most entertaining. Cutest ponytails. Happiest Smile. There was a certificate for everyone.
It went on so long, I expected the MC to turn to the audience and hand out awards to those of us who had been sitting all afternoon on the hard wooden chairs.
1. Most annoying mom - For cheering way too loudly and long
2. Most obsessive mom - For packing enough snacks to take her daughter on a road tour
3. Most fake smile - To the parent who pretended to be having the best time ever
I'm sure you get my point.
It is important how you play the game, but in the "real" world there are winners and losers. It's always important to play fair, but it's a wonderful feeling to come out on top.
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Comments (45)
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Sun Feb 10, 2013 - 7:40 pm
There are things kids can participate in that don't result in winners and losers- like drama, choir, band/orchestra. These teach team effort for success, and require every bit as much work as an individual competition. Perhaps if someone is opposed to the winners and losers mentality, they could get their kids involved in something like that.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Sun Feb 10, 2013 at 10:09 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 10:09 pmI think you have to strike a balance here. Little kids often can't cope with losing, and while we have to teach them to lose once in a while, we should make sure that lesson is age-appropriate. Sometimes 4 year olds just can't swallow the tough lesson, so I see nothing wrong with their being no winner. As someone mentioned, half the time they don't even notice. Heck, most of the time they're not even facing in the right direction. As they get older, it make sense to introduce some form of competition, but I would run far away from the leagues and programs that promote the "win at all costs" philosophy because that turns parents and kids into monsters.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Fri Feb 8, 2013 at 1:57 am
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 10:37 pmI think kids can handle competition a lot better than people think they can. Kids know that some children at better at kickball, for instance, than others. It's not a problem for them, and they roll their eyes when grownups say, "Oh I think everyone is doing a wonderful job!" I think the problems arise when parents and coaches place too much importance on winning--and I think that's very common in today's society. There's a place for noncompetitive endeavors, and playing for love of the game--even when you lose. "Second place means first loser" is definitely the wrong mentality, and a lot of kids get that from their parents.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Laura Sheehan on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 11:24 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 6:01 amI am with you Janie! The real world does not give participation awards.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 9:29 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 11:35 amOh, I think there should be an age limit on the keeping score. I've watched some LadyBug soccer (none were my kids) and those girls seemed to be out there for the sheer love of running around in matching uniforms, (or 'cause their moms/dads made them do it). If the score was being taken, I don't know if any of those little girls realized.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 1:21 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 7:58 amHmmm, I guess I'm the only outlier here. I agree that teaching our children to recognize that hard work is needed to accomplish things in life, but I don't agree that giving prizes for effort is a bad thing. The kids in this example aren't getting recognition for doing nothing. As a trained dancer, I know how much effort went into our competitions. We trained all year, spent countless hours rehearsing, and then danced our hearts out. To go to a competition and not receive ANYTHING in return for our hard work would have been devastating and unfair. There is nothing wrong with receiving a ribbon for third place, fourth, or even tenth. The fact that someone else earned that First-place trophy would be enough of an incentive to try harder next time and recognize that we weren't perfect and had room for improvement... but to sit through a ceremony and watch the other dancers receive accolades and not ever have a chance to be applauded for our own efforts would be cruel and would send the wrong message. I don't think it would teach anything other than being competitive is the only thing that matters. In America I think there is already an unhealthy attitude that we have to be better than everyone else in order to be successful. And I disagree. I don't think being better than someone else equals success. There is something to be said for recognizing hard work, even if your best isn't better than anyone else's. We SHOULD award teamwork and recognize effort, instead of just rewarding the "best." Otherwise, it makes our world more superficial, it encourages us to become more judgmental of each other, it fosters greediness... Yes, I understand that sometimes "there can only be one," but we aren't Highlanders (haha), and not all of life is like that (nor should it be). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we have to coddle our kids and shelter them from the realities of how the world works. But I think there are better ways of teaching them the value of hard work and teaching them to deal with failure and disappointment, other than teaching them that they have to beat someone else in order to be successful. There ARE times in life when there doesn't have to be a winner and a loser, where EVERYONE can be a winner if they work hard enough. I think more of life should be like that. And maybe if enough of our children learned the value in that, then maybe it might come true one day. Anyway, that's my two cents...Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 1:20 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 7:55 amGreat post, Janie. My boys Cub Scout pack is one of the few left that doesn't give everyone a trophy. I love it. How will they ever learn to work hard if they dont lose. We had some tears here last weekend because we had a winner and a loser, but I bet you can guess which one is already thinking up ways to win next year!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 1:18 pm
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Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 9:36 am
HA! When my super competitive daughter challenged her no so competitive sister to a race, she opened with "I'm going to be the winner!" My non competitive daughter replied, "Oh, good! I'll be the loser, k?!"Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 1:16 pm
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 7:09 amI always say "Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as the parade goes by!"Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 8:20 am
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 6:45 amMy hubby and I just had this conversation. Kids are not taught how to handle disappointment anymore. They're raised in a world where everyone is a winner.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 8:10 am
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 4:12 amAs a former participant, I think all the kids' efforts need to be acknowledged. However, prizes only to those who earn them. I would have been embarrassed to take home a ribbon for being the only outfielder who dropped the ball, which was my usual contribution to the game..Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 6:20 am
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Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 2:17 am
I say go back to giving prizes for genuine winning - its IMPORTANT. Otherwise how am I supposed to know when to gloat that my kid kicked your kid's arse at finger painting?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 6:19 am
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 1:32 amOMG, Janie. I remember sitting through some of that stuff. And I remember the girl from down the street getting the 2nd place ribbon when I knew I'd beaten her. All I can say is, lesson learned. I have probably won something she won't have and that's cool. My son's little league team won the trophy one year. It was incredibly unbelievable. The next year, he was placed on the 2nd placed team and treated horribly.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 6:19 am
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 11:33 pmJanie, I wrote a detailed reply to this post talking about police officers and society in general. Once I was done, I felt much better, but deleted the whole thing so I wouldn't be opening a much bigger can of worms. However...Attention parents: :You are NOT doing your children any favor by not having them accept responsibility for their actions or skill levels. If they aren't winning ribbons etc., have them practice their skill to where they can compete with the ones winning the prizes. If you want an excellent example of how little responsibility and respect SOME of our youth have, check out this video of a young Florida woman flipping off the judge. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/did-you-say-fk-me-judge-sentences-florida-teen-to-30-days-in-jail-for-cursing-at-him/ I think the judge showed great restraint.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 6:18 am
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Report Thu Feb 7, 2013 - 12:34 amI recently saw something like this in a movie, Janie, where there were no scores kept at a kids' ball game. I thought it was fiction, but your post told me otherwise! How does that teach kids anything, like working hard to achieve and get ahead? Thanks for letting me know!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 12:42 am
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 11:32 pmThere's an entire school of thought that giving prizes for every single thing led to this generation of entitlement. That coming out on top ceases to mean anything because everyone is rewarded for everything. As usual, balance in all things is the wise course!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 12:42 am
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 11:17 pmAMEN!!!! So well said. Can we please stop worrying about being politically correct all the time and be normal again. Life has ups and downs and sometimes the downs push us to the highs.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 12:40 am
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 11:16 pmHow refreshing this was. Only when everyone doesn't win, is it an opportunity to teach both winning and losing with class. And yes, so true about the parents who put themselves on display. I made a few of them into characters in my novel in progressReply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Thu Feb 7, 2013 at 12:39 am
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 10:46 pmJanie, I think you'll enjoy this story. When my son was 4, one morning he asked if it was his play gym day. We hadn't been in a couple weeks for differing reasons and would be going later in the week, but I was busy and just said, "No, not today." He looked confused. "But it can't be over. I didn't get a diploma!" I was stunned by this connection, realized he'd learned to expect recognition/certificates/diplomas from all group activities, even an ongoing class whose only end would be when I decided to stop paying! That was my wake-up call, and I went on to discuss this with all three of my kids in subsequent years, that not every activity leads to a trophy or diploma, that often times, it's part of a process, and that participating and learning and growing is wonderful, too.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Wed Feb 6, 2013 at 10:50 pm
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Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 10:09 pm
completely agree. A dose of real life, yes?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Wed Feb 6, 2013 at 10:49 pm
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Report Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 9:53 pmI so agree. There needs to be a happy medium between the way it used to be and the way it is now.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Wed Feb 6, 2013 at 9:56 pm
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Wed Feb 6, 2013 - 6:41 pm
Hey Janie, I just have to agree -and I hope you don't catch much crap for this post. It seems political correctness has replaced common sense . It annoys me.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Janie Emaus on Wed Feb 6, 2013 at 9:56 pm
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