Don't be a sports whackadoodle
I love sports. I love to play sports. I love to watch my kids play sports. I love to coach sports.
There is one thing that I don't like about sports: the whackadoodle fan. There seems to be one at every sporting event.
It's one thing to go bat shit crazy at the Super Bowl or at the Final Four. Whatevs.
It is another bucket of crazy to go ape shit at a CHILD'S sporting event.
Dude, what gives?
I see your veins popping out of your neck. I hear your voice straining. I feel the tension spreading like the wave through the crowd. I feel myself wanting to choke you.
I used to think that it was just the over testosteroned father, trying to relive his youth through his 84 pound son.
But, no. I am seeing an increasing number of ape shit mothers. This especially horrifies me. I was counting on the mothers to be the voice of reason. I was counting on the mothers to reign in their whackjob husbands.
Apparently, women are breaking that glass ceiling as well. There is a time and a place, ladies. Acting like an idiot at your little darling's basketball game is not that time.
Last week, I witnessed a woman shouting instruction to her child from the stands. She shouted orders at the couch. She demanded answers from the refs.
I pride myself on being a positive fan. I'm a yeller, fo' shizzle, but I only yell positive comments. I compliment a nice play...for both teams.
I repeat this mantra to my children, "Modest in victory, gracious in defeat."
But...there are moments of weakness. There are moments that I fantasize about walking across the gym floor and bitch slapping the fan that shakes and screams at little Johnny. As my grandmother used to say, "That will fix your little red wagon."
I saw a list posted on a gym wall with these words:
1. These are children.
2. This is a game.
3. Parents should cheer for everyone.
4. The referees are human.
5. You nor your child play for the Chicago Bulls.
I wanted to add:
6. Be nice or go home.
7. Do not freak your freak or you will be escorted out.
I love that sports can teach the importance of integrity, community and hard work. Playing a team sport makes you aware that your actions affect others. Sports can be a platform to shine, in skill and/or sportsmanship.
Please, Mr. and Mrs. Screamer, learn to play nice with others. Our kids are watching.
Kerry is a recovering teacher who blogs about life shenanigans, house crashing and house stalking at her blog, HouseTalkN. Her mother threatens to read that blog so she writes about things like 69, dildos, and her moral shortcomings at In The Powder Room. Kerry likes to talk about herself in the third person. Kerry brings shame to her family on a daily basis on Facebook and Twitter @HouseTalkN.