In The Powder Room

Feb 15

Don't be a sports whackadoodle

Comments (18) by HouseTalkN February 15, 2013 - 7:01 AM

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I love sports. I love to play sports. I love to watch my kids play sports. I love to coach sports.

There is one thing that I don't like about sports: the whackadoodle fan. There seems to be one at every sporting event.

It's one thing to go bat shit crazy at the Super Bowl or at the Final Four. Whatevs.

It is another bucket of crazy to go ape shit at a CHILD'S sporting event.

Dude, what gives?

I see your veins popping out of your neck. I hear your voice straining. I feel the tension spreading like the wave through the crowd. I feel myself wanting to choke you.

I used to think that it was just the over testosteroned father, trying to relive his youth through his 84 pound son.

But, no. I am seeing an increasing number of ape shit mothers. This especially horrifies me. I was counting on the mothers to be the voice of reason. I was counting on the mothers to reign in their whackjob husbands.

Apparently, women are breaking that glass ceiling as well. There is a time and a place, ladies. Acting like an idiot at your little darling's basketball game is not that time.

Last week, I witnessed a woman shouting instruction to her child from the stands. She shouted orders at the couch. She demanded answers from the refs.

I pride myself on being a positive fan. I'm a yeller, fo' shizzle, but I only yell positive comments. I compliment a nice play...for both teams.

I repeat this mantra to my children, "Modest in victory, gracious in defeat."

But...there are moments of weakness. There are moments that I fantasize about walking across the gym floor and bitch slapping the fan that shakes and screams at little Johnny. As my grandmother used to say, "That will fix your little red wagon."

I saw a list posted on a gym wall with these words:

1. These are children.

2. This is a game.

3. Parents should cheer for everyone.

4. The referees are human.

5. You nor your child play for the Chicago Bulls.

I wanted to add:

6. Be nice or go home.

7. Do not freak your freak or you will be escorted out.

I love that sports can teach the importance of integrity, community and hard work. Playing a team sport makes you aware that your actions affect others. Sports can be a platform to shine, in skill and/or sportsmanship.

Please, Mr. and Mrs. Screamer, learn to play nice with others. Our kids are watching.

 

Kerry is a recovering teacher who blogs about life shenanigans, house crashing and house stalking at her blog, HouseTalkN. Her mother threatens to read that blog so she writes about things like 69, dildos, and her moral shortcomings at In The Powder Room. Kerry likes to talk about herself in the third person. Kerry brings shame to her family on a daily basis on Facebook and Twitter @HouseTalkN.

 

by HouseTalkN February 15, 2013 - 7:01 AM

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Comments (18)

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Posted at Submit  |  Back to Editing Report Abuse

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  Report Fri Mar 1, 2013 - 5:54 pm

  by  here

  Aside from academic papers, Essay Writer also provides custom-made pieces which may include, but are not limited to: custom business essays, literature essays, cover letters, and the like.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by http://www.slotmachine-gratis.it on Fri May 3, 2013 at 10:01 am
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  Report Fri May 3, 2013 - 10:01 am

  by  http://www.slotmachine-gratis.it

  @here: the party. When I first heard about it, I thought they we’re crazy.

  Reply Delete
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  Report Tue Mar 5, 2013 - 6:18 pm

  by  plus d'informations

  I'd hand them a Tootsie Pop to suck on. It was a reminder to keep your mouth shut and play nice. Worked like a charm every time! I only had to do it once during a game, sometimes a season and it was all good thereafter

  Reply Delete
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  Report Wed Feb 27, 2013 - 6:49 pm

  by  dissertations uk

  The key to learning to write a good essay is to read and study other essays and then practice, practice, rewrite and practice some more.

  Reply Delete
• 
  Report Tue Feb 19, 2013 - 2:31 am

  by  Love2Lurk

  I used to be a soccer team manager. I always carried Tootsie Roll lollipops with me and when one of my parents would get a little whackadoodle, I'd hand them a Tootsie Pop to suck on. It was a reminder to keep your mouth shut and play nice. Worked like a charm every time! I only had to do it once during a game, sometimes a season and it was all good thereafter :)

  Reply Delete
• 
  Report Sun Feb 17, 2013 - 3:09 am

  by  MILF Runner

  Hallelujah.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Feb 18, 2013 at 7:45 am
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  Report Mon Feb 18, 2013 - 7:45 am

  by  HouseTalkN

  @MILF Runner: Amen, sister.

  Reply Delete
• 
  Report Sat Feb 16, 2013 - 1:33 am

  by  Tracy@CrazyAsNormal

  OMG, There are so many a**-hats that I would send this to if only I had their names and email addresses!!!!! They make me want to punch stuff and I'm normally so mildly mannered. :)

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 2:57 am
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  Report Sun Feb 17, 2013 - 2:57 am

  by  HouseTalkN

  @Tracy@CrazyAsNormal: I might print it out and share it at games...just as a warning!

  Reply Delete
• 
  Report Sat Feb 16, 2013 - 2:27 am

  by  One Funny Motha

  Love your mantra. And, #5. You nor your child play for the Chicago Bulls. Sadly, everyone in my town thinks their kid is headed to the NFL.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 2:56 am
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  Report Sun Feb 17, 2013 - 2:56 am

  by  HouseTalkN

  @One Funny Motha: Oh, boy. Even if they are headed to the NFL, shouldn't we teach them some manners? Thanks, Funny One!

  Reply Delete
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  Report Sat Feb 16, 2013 - 8:43 pm

  by  Angela Ryan

  So agreed. And I might also add I love your little bio. Fantastic!

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 2:55 am
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  Report Sun Feb 17, 2013 - 2:55 am

  by  HouseTalkN

  @Angela Ryan: Thank you, Angela! Our editor extraordinaire whipped up those bio's!

  Reply Delete
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  Report Fri Feb 15, 2013 - 8:39 pm

  by  lhewitt

  Hey Kerry, She shouted orders at the couch?bawhahaha But seriously (in your funny way) - You are so right! WTH! The whackadoddles should have to play - and we could scream at them - and I would.

  Reply Delete
• 2 replies, Last reply by RHONDA LOUISE on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 2:50 am
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  Report Fri Feb 15, 2013 - 9:06 pm

  by  HouseTalkN

  @lhewitt: OMG! That is the answer! If you act like a whackadoodle, you have to suit up! Genius!

  Reply Delete
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  Report Sun Feb 17, 2013 - 2:50 am

  by  RHONDA LOUISE

  @HouseTalkN: No, that's not the answer. The answer is to forbid your kids from playing any sort of sport. My mother hardly ever freaked her freak out at my debate team matches. Hardly ever. (She was known to occasionally shout orders at the couch, but don't we all ... "get up you lazy damned couch and follow me into the kitchen")

  Reply Delete
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  Report Fri Feb 15, 2013 - 2:06 pm

  by  Hillary

  This is exactly the wort of thing that makes me dread having my kids in sports! I hated those whackadoodle parents as a kid--fortunately, I never had to claim them as my own. They should have those signs in every sporting facility.

  Reply Delete
• 1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Fri Feb 15, 2013 at 9:07 pm
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  Report Fri Feb 15, 2013 - 9:07 pm

  by  HouseTalkN

  @Hillary: My parents were silent observers so I never had to face that humiliation. I remember feeling so awful for the teammates that had whackadoodle parents. Thanks, Hillary!

  Reply Delete