5 things I could never live without
Between the lack of sunlight, the post-holiday-let-down, and the horribly tragic events in Connecticut last month, my annual winter depression has settled in and made itself comfortable for what appears to be an extended stay.
Well I'm not giving up that easily.
I've decided to escape my winter blues for a while by rereading one of my favorite books: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.
The majority of this bestselling novel is set in the Scottish Highlands in the year 1743. The main character, Claire Randall, accidentally time-travels 202 years backward and falls in love with Jamie Fraser, a foxy redheaded Scottish outlaw with a price on his head.
I love this book so much I could make a baby with it.
In fact, I did make a baby with it.
That would be my 5-year-old son, "Bucket Head," who was conceived the first time I read this book back in the sultry summer of 2006. In fact, I was so taken by the book, that I would not have been at all surprised if my newborn son had shot out of my quim wearing a kilt and playing the bagpipes.
Ah yes, I remember that summer well. And so does my husband. (Wink wink!)
Women all over the world have been fantasizing about Jamie Fraser for 20 years, in 23 languages. I think one of the reasons this book (and the subsequent series) is so powerful as "escape reading" is due to the author's incredible gift with fine details. She holds three degrees in science: Zoology, Marine Biology, and Quantitative Behavioral Ecology. And her descriptions of scenes and events down to the minutest detail make it feel like you are actually there.
So who needs sunlight when there are good ol' fashioned muscle-flexing broadsword fights and impromptu haystack romps in which to lose oneself?
The only issue I have with this book is now knowing I could never have survived in the mid-eighteenth century.
The smells alone would have done me in.
Thus, I can't very well fantasize about being transported back in time 200 years to find my own Jamie Fraser, because frankly? Ew! I don't care how hot he is, I bet that dude smelled like a thousand camels' balls on a hot summer day.
I've been thinking about other things besides clean smelling men that I couldn't live without if I traveled back through time:
1. Tweezers. How did the ladies manage their facial hair back then? Or splinters?
2. Toothbrushes. Can you even imagine how bad people's breath must have been back then?
3. My Diva Cup. The idea of suffering through my monthlies wearing nothing but an extra rag or two shoved into my skivvies? Horrifying.
4. Hot water on demand. It's no wonder people didn't bathe or shower more often back then. I wouldn't either if I had to do it in a cold stream.
5. Indoor plumbing. Two words: thunder bucket. Imagine having to pee and poop in a ginormous coffee mug. Then imagine having to transport that foul thing outside and wash it out? Lord Almighty. No. Just no.
So, sorry red Jamie. You're fun to read about, but Claire can have you. I'll keep my fresh-smelling man and my fully equipped bathroom.
What would you miss the most if you traveled back through time?