Oct 25

It's just hair

Comments (49) by Leslie Marinelli October 25, 2012 - 6:01 AM

About four years ago I let one of my stepsisters talk me into "going platinum." She said being a blonde would make me look and feel hot, young, and stylish.

I was in a bit of a funk at the time and needed a change. I thought a new ‘do might just do the trick.

The problem was, I chose to let the sweet little old lady at the local Curl Up and Dye have a whack at it while she was trimming my daughter's hair. This happens to me a lot; I have impulse control issues. I once let a man named "Rangoon Ricky" attempt to remove one of my tattoos with a wood burning kit and some watered down kerosene...in between sets at an outdoor Van Morrison concert.

Anyway, my daughter's one-eyed septuagenarian barber, Betty Lou, told me that my hair was too dark and coarse to go platinum and that I should just do a lot of chunky highlights in two different colors.

Fine, I thought. It's just hair.

Two hours later, I looked like someone had erected a circus tent on my head.

When I got home, my toddler took one look at me and started to cry.

"Call her back and make her fix it!" my oldest child pleaded.

So I called Betty Lou and begged for a do-over.

She had me come right back (lots of openings in her schedule, go figure). She said an all-over toner would make the highlights blend in better with my base color.

Two more hours later, I looked like I had a brass spittoon on my head.

It was better than the circus tent stripes though, so I went home again and called my sister-in-law Tina, who is a licensed cosmetologist in Michigan.

Tina warned that I should NOT attempt to fix it myself with a home color kit. She suggested I call the best salon in town and book an appointment with their senior colorist. "Ask for someone who has a lot of experience doing color correction."

And that's how I found Robért four years ago.

But stylists are only human and it turns out that even senior colorists make mistakes from time to time. If you've seen me recently, you know what I mean.

It's just hair. It will grow out.

As an added bonus, I've finally amassed enough experience to formulate a handy-dandy hairstylist to client translator:

"I can probably squeeze you in between two other clients." = "You will not get my undivided attention and you will walk out of here looking like it."

"It will look better in natural light." = "Oh shit. What have I done?"

See also:

"It will fade." = "I forgot to set the timer and it looks like someone rubbed shoe polish on your head."

"Would you like your tires rotated while you're under the dryer?" = "My name is Bob, not Robért. This isn't a hair salon, lady, and that's not a hair dryer. Please don't make me call the police again."

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by Leslie Marinelli October 25, 2012 - 6:01 AM

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  • Report Wed Oct 31, 2012 - 9:48 pm
    by  Snappy
    Yikes! I went into a salon last year and asked for a trim . . . walked out with a mullet. But I think that pales in comparison to your story. Too bad you don't have a picture to include with the post - would love to have seen the circus tent.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 8:39 pm
    by  Crystal
    I've been going to my hairdresser for like 15 years (and considering I'm not even 30 yet, that's a LONG time!) She has always told me that an all over color with permant dye isn't going to look as natural. It may not last as long but a semi-permant all over color is going to look more natural. I have had greying hair for five years now and the greys look like natural highlights after I get it colored. Just an FYI for your next try.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 11:56 pm
    by  Alex
    I have an awsome friend who is around my mom's age rather than mine and she has embraced the gray. For her that means using a purple shampoo that gives it a slight purple hue and cuts down on the brassiness of the gray. Looks great on her.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 11:51 pm
    by  lhewitt
    WTF did you do to your hair? And how did you get this - ` - directly over the e? I can't do that. see`
    Reply Delete
  • 4 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:45 am
    @lhewitt: I copied it in from Word...it's in the special characters menu. Girl, what part didn't you understand? I done got myself a bad dye job. It looks like shoe polish, swear to God. And as it fades, it is looking really brassy and fake. I brought it on myself. It's just hair. Sigh.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 8:13 am
    by  lhewitt
    @Leslie Marinelli: Well fuck, Leslie, I thought you were still recuperating from the laryngitis and the only pixs I have seen are the dog crotch and the cartoon. Don't even act like I don't try to keep up with your busy ass. Shiiiittttt. And thanks for the -`- tip. you never know when I might need it....
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 6:28 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: Pics or it didn't happen.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 6:43 pm
    @VenusGenetrix: Nice. Way to put the pressure on a broad. There's a pic of me sipping tea at the non-con conference on my blog, but it's dark and blurry...like my huuuuuuur. Seriously, shoe polish. It is DARK and DULL, like me without coffee.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 12:20 am
    A few years ago I decided to embrace my incoming grays and only have highlights put in quarterly. That leaves some color when my hair is down, but when pulled back as in a ponytail (which it always is) the gray rages. My 11 yo is starting to give me a complex about it and I'm seriously thinking of coloring it all over again. I don't know. This post brings back such memories. I'm truly paralyzed over the issue as my gray marches onward.
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 6:40 pm
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:48 am
    @jamie@southmainmuse: FEELS! I'm hoping this will be the last straw for me. My colorist is an EXPERT and my color still got jacked this time. I'm going to try to embrace the gray. Maybe if enough of us do it we can make it a new trend! Like female George Clooneys. What do you say? Deal?
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 6:34 pm
    @jamie@southmainmuse: I was actually enjoying letting a few grays come in - I found it kind of amusing. But I'm dating a 27-year-old and I was meeting his mom for the first time, and figured it would be a better first impression to not have gray hair!, so I broke down and dyed it. :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 6:40 pm
    @VenusGenetrix: OMG, you're dating a 27-year-old? THAT IS AWESOME. Yeah, I would have dyed my hair for meeting that mama too. You go, girl!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 4:53 pm
    I did that once. She talked me into "Golden Blonde" and it was, no lie, the color of the inside of a cantalope. That lasted long enough for me to get home and call Clairol, who gave me some very specific advise that included "have your husband go to the store and get these items". The advise worked beautifully.
    Reply Delete
  • 6 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:19 pm
    @rootietoot: OMG - what a visual! "the inside of a cantaloupe"!!! I'm seriously just waiting for it to get long enough to completely chop into a pixie and then I promise, I PROMISE, no more color. NO MORE. I'm so done.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:36 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: and I am SO not a redhead type...it my complexion look green. I quit coloring entirely when we moved, it seemed like a good time. Now I'm about 1/4 metallic silver and 3/4 that dark thing that's not brown.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:47 pm
    @rootietoot: Oh man, you are BRAVE to let it grow out like that! I think I would pull a Britney Spears before I let my natural roots get that long.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 10:16 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: It's all the thing at the local Walmart!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 5:30 am
    @rootietoot: When I finally decided I could NOT keep up with all this gray I temporary-colored my new growth (lame, but I HAD to go to work!) for a month or so and then my dear stylist cut it about an inch long. We both cried, but it was the only way. It took a year of jerry-rigging and constant trims, but it was finally all gray (mostly white!). I'm happy with the color but I miss that there is no fudging my real age now. There is nothing nastier than an inch--or more, god forbid-- of roots. Either color that mess or go natural.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 4:06 pm
    @JennyExplainsItAll.blogspot.com: When the grey part is longer than my husband's hair, I'll get it cut. In the mean time, I wear a lot of hats and very wide headbands.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 10:08 am
    With my hair, a good hairdresser is SO important. Loved this piece.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 3:31 am
    I tried to go blonde once. I made it to orange, no lighter. Luckily I had a perm and a ridiculous Jessica Rabbit over-the-eye look going, so the stupidity of the color was secondary.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:53 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:53 am
    @hollow tree ventures: Oh no - you have such pretty dark hair! Why do we always want what we do not have?! Women be cray cray.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 2:29 am
    It's really just not fair to write this post and not include the pictures. I say "It's just hair" every time I go in. Fortunately there have been few catastrophes. Or so I thought. Until now when I look back at the pictures and wonder WHAT IN THE HELL I was thinking. And then there was letting my cousin-in-law (in beauty school at the time) trim my hair to convince hellion to get hers cut and I looked like Joe Dirt. Yah, good times. But it is just hair, and it grew back and now I'm glad I have pictures to laugh at...
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:52 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:52 am
    @Inelegant Life: Ha! Just take my word for it, sister. It's bad. And pictures don't really capture it. I was looking for pics of my brass spitoon phase of 2008 and they totally don't do it justice. But in real life? SPITOON.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 1:54 am
    by  Anne
    Still rueing those chunky highlights I got in 2002. Did you get your hair done after NonCon, because I thought your hair looked good there.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:51 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:51 am
    @Anne: Thank you Anne - yes, it was two days before, and we were inside the whole time in that bad lighting, so you couldn't really see the damage, THANK GOD. I like the cut, just not the color. It's a hue not found in nature. Seriously, chunky highlights are the debil.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 1:02 am
    by  Arnebya
    I love when my hair is lightened. But, it grows so fast that the dark roots show within two weeks and, well, no. Also, ew. I've had my share of bad dye jobs (usually at home, yes) but I have found a stylist I love, who listens to me, has me out in under an hour usually, and who I only sometimes want to grope.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:49 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:49 am
    @Arnebya: You have awesome hair. It looked fabulous at BlogHer. You are such a groper! (And I love it.)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 12:09 am
    I wanted to dye my hair red again here in Poland. The hair stylist asked ig I meant 'ginger' red, and I said hell no. So it was 'purple' red. Turns out she meant ginger the spice, not ginger like Carrot top.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:46 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:46 am
    @Rosstwinmom: There are multiple choices for ginger? I love red hair. I wish I were a redhead!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 12:16 am
    by  Rachel Fruitloop
    Leslie, now may be the perfect time to go purple and hot pink! Halloween IS just around the corner! ;-)
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:40 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:40 am
    @Rachel Fruitloop: Oh honey, I love your spunk! I'm thinking if I don't like the chunky circus tent stripes, I probably won't like pink or purple either. No...I'm heading for au naturel town, fo sho!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 5:44 am
    Gawd, I hope this post was fiction and if it's not, I think we all deserve some pictures. Ellen
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Fri Oct 26, 2012 at 7:36 am
  • Report Fri Oct 26, 2012 - 7:36 am
    @Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms: Ha! Sadly, it's not fiction, but you know me...I have a talent for exaggerating just a skosh. It will fade, and if not, it will grow. I don't think pictures would do it justice.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 10:08 pm
    by  Kris the Colts fan
    So what does your hair look like? Now I'm curious and wondering if I missed a photo somewhere.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Thu Oct 25, 2012 at 10:16 pm
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 10:16 pm
    @Kris the Colts fan: Uh, no. There will be no pictures.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 6:24 pm
    Oh man, we have the same hair issues and impulse problems. Except I DID do an at home kit to fix it without consulting my colorist sister-in-law and one year later I look like a skunk is dying on my head.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Thu Oct 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 7:03 pm
    @Ericka @ Creative Liar: Bwahahaha! Skunk dying on your head! Yeah, Tina made me promise I'd never color my own hair. But honestly, my last expensive salon attempt isn't much better, so I think I may have finally learned my lesson. Maybe. Hopefully. Sigh.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:37 pm
    I always tell myself that it's just hair, but there's nothing that can make you feel worse in a punch-in-the-stomach fashion than a shitty hair cut or color. I have impulse control problems too. One day as I walked by what I think was just a barber shop I went in and decided to do something radical with my then very long hair. Half way through the cut I asked if the guy had ever cut a woman's hair before. It was THAT good. I left there looking like Ivanhoe or a knight from the round table. On my weeping walk home I ran into an ex boyfriend. AWESOME.
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Thu Oct 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:48 pm
    @Allison Hart : Oh, the weeping! YES! I know that feeling. I love your story. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 5:56 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: Whenever I'm about to take the impulsive train straight to crazy town I congratulate myself for being so daring, loose, and easy. This all has something to do with being deluded.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Oct 25, 2012 - 6:09 pm
    @Allison Hart : HA! You had me at loose and easy.
    Reply Delete

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