Oct 11
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7 New gift-giving rules
Do you remember when your birthday present was a simple dress, your favorite record, or a few Matchbox Cars if you were lucky? I'm not sure how and why things have changed over the last 30 years but it's now stressing me out and frankly pissing me off.
Now it seems that a birthday present isn't a real present anymore if it isn't some new gaming system, something that begins with an ‘i' or maybe a trip to Paris. Do kids want for anything anymore? Do kids even wait for anything anymore?
It slapped me in the face again today as my typically very sweet 9-year-old came home to ask me why I keep saying ‘no' to an iPad for her when her 8-year-old friend just got one for her birthday.
So parents-I beg of you, just stop the madness!
I made a list of gifts that are no longer acceptable for kids ages 6-11 just to get all of us back on the same ‘proper gift giving' page. And also to make me not hate you and talk about you behind your back.
1. Anything that begins with an ‘i.' No child really needs an ‘i' item. Instead they have that tree to climb, that swing set, that friend to play with across the street.
2. A phone. The only time my 9-year-old really isn't around me is when she is at school. Who does she need to call? Oh, your 8 year old with the phone because why?
3. Trips to Disney World or Europe. Camping at the State Park 45 minutes from our home or a stay at the Days Inn in Iowa can be a fabulous family vacation.
4. An American Girl Doll. Now I know she is only $100 but then you have to buy the bed and the clothing and her horse and now you've spent $1000 on a doll that doesn't get played with and that doll has a nicer bed than you do.
5. A Guinea pig. Now, I know this isn't an extravagant gift...but still. One look and snuggle with that cute wittle wuzzy fuzzy thing, she is going to want one and her wittle heart will break without it! Stop with the live animals!
6. Nooks, Kindles, and the like. I like to go to this place called the library and borrow books-made of paper. I know...how 2010...but I find that a tween can still appreciate knowing what a real book is. They can tell their grandkids about them someday.
7. A TV in their own room. Now, I love me some Reality TV, but I think a child needs to grow-up in a home with one shared TV and be forced to watch 60 Minutes.
Thank you! Now go out and buy those books, socks, and jump ropes for your kid's next birthday. They will love you for it! Just don't tell them you heard it here.
Comments (50)
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 9:40 amI completely agree with you on everything except the American Girl Dolls. My daughter saved all her her bday, tooth fairy, etc $ for a year and asked for $ towards AG doll for Christmas. She plays with her CONSTANTLY. We buy the My Generation clothes and accessories at Target. I just don't get the nooks, kindle e-readers. What is wrong with an actual book? Is it too strenuous to turn pages? I will NEVER EVER give up my books.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Mon Oct 15, 2012 at 2:17 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 10:59 amThe only one I disagree with is that trip to Europe. ;-) My kids don't have anything apart from a Leapster. They will have to learn to read for pleasure before they get a DS.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by tracy@sellabitmum on Sat Oct 13, 2012 at 11:38 pm
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 7:10 amI hate parents who give their 12 year olds smart phones. Seriously what 12 year old needs to be hooked up to social media all day long. Oh and by the way 12 year olds aren't even mature enough for social media! My 12 year old just threw that one at us last night because everyone else has one! UGH! I thought an ereader would be a great gift for my 10 year old son who LOVES to read. I just kind of threw it out to him about a month ago and he was all like "I don't think I would like one Mom. I like to hold a real book when I am reading." My heart just about burst.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by SEO on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 11:39 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 12:00 amI am so relieved to read this! I thought I was alone. It started that we couldn't afford to give our four kids expensive gifts, but now it just feels right. Our oldest son is turning 11 next month and we are holding firm about the no phone, no ipad, no tv...but like you we might give into the e-reader. It's hard to argue when a kid just wants to read and accepts that he isn't getting a phone without a big fit. Thank you for writing this!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:57 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 12:46 amI totally agree (except, um, my daughter just got an American Girl doll and we're going to Disney next month). We have four kids and I just can't keep up, nor do I want to. We don't have time to do short weekend getaways thanks to our schedules, so instead we are doing one trip to Disney this year and probably not going again. My kids have also given me the, "But everyone else has one!" argument. All these parents. Birthdays and Christmas for my youngest are the worst - we already HAVE all the stuff he'd want (or ignore).Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:56 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 2:52 amI agree 100% that gift giving has gotten out if control! I don't know whether or not I fit into the generation of your daughter, being 22, but I certainly observed some of this with my friends when we were in high school. Personally, the biggest gift I can remember my parents giving me was $100 for my 16th birthday. And no car, duh. I was actually overjoyed! a whole hundred, wow! I think you're on the right track keeping gifts smaller from a young age so they don't make assumptions about what they deserve as they get older.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:55 am
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Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 3:25 am
Preach it girl.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:54 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 3:31 amI told my husband last year that I want to get Ben (5) an ipad for xmas this year. He however saw right through that and said, "you mean you want to buy yourself an ipad for xmas?" He knows me so well.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:54 am
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Report Fri Oct 12, 2012 - 4:44 amWell said, Tracy! Things are WAY out of hand regarding the latest technology and young children. Yikes! We did do the American Girl doll thing....Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 6:54 am
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 11:46 pmThis reminds me of the time we were waiting at the pediatrician with some acquaintances in town and their daughter was telling B that she got $20 when her first tooth fell out and $10 for every subsequent tooth. RIDICULOUS!! I didn't even get K anything specific for her 3rd b-day well, except a PARTY with CUPCAKES! ;)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 11:57 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 11:42 pmMy son is only 3, but we try to keep presents fun but not extravagant. I hope we can maintain that focus as he gets older. In the 7th grade I got my own TV and VCR for Christmas (I was an only child), and I remember the shock on my classmates' faces when they heard about it. Oh, and I'm happy to join you and Kristin in the Outer Banks. I'm in NC after all!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 11:56 pm
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Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 10:55 pm
A-freaking-MEN, Tracy! That's all I've got to say. Except for the vacation at the Days Inn in Iowa. Frankly, that sounds like it would suck. Surely there's a happy medium between that and Paris. (For me, it's the Outer Banks.)Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 11:04 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 10:51 pmMy parents always gave awesome gifts - but they were never whined or begged for - or did we feel like we 'deserved' them. We also didn't do the Christmas/birthday thing, so presents were more of a surprise. But I do like your rules! About the eReader.. I love mine. I can borrow books from my local library without having to leave my house or worry about late fees. And, I can go on vacation and bring multiple books with me and not take up precious packing space. There's nothing like the feel of a real book of course - and there are some books I insist on buying and reading the 'real' thing, but there's definitely a convenience to eReaders - at least for me. Oh and mine is very similar to the Nook.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 11:03 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 9:18 pmAmen & amen!!! I could not agree more & am a huge Scrooge mom who daily makes my kids play outside (a lot) and sometimes may or may not lock the door so that they do not come in every 30 seconds asking to watch TV & waking up the baby from slamming the door. The peer pressure to have electronics so early is frightening...for all of the wonderful educational apps & such, there is a whole realm of not so good & really, really bad stuff, just one click/text/chat room away. I guess I am in the dark ages, but to me it is like giving your child a book of matches for entertainment. And don't get me started on gaming addictions, the neuro-pathways of young kids (especially boys) are still being formed & their brains can easily become addicted to the "rush" of beating another level & another level. Truly scary stuff. I guess my question in all of it is, what are we aiming to accomplish by giving our kids over-extravagant gifts & technology? To be cool or so their kids can have the "best/latest/hottest" gadget? Those things are just not my goals in parenting.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 8:38 pmI don't think that my children know what waiting means. The kind of presents kids get these days is CRAZY! I always feel like the cheapo mom at birthday parties but I refuse to shell out that much money. Thank you for this!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 6:59 pmThank you for your post. Sadly, the iPeople won't read it unless there's an app for ITPR. I'm so tired of seeing kids with better technology than I can afford. And the American Doll craze, WTH? Aren't they all made in China? One of the preschool "mommies" told me she was going to have to get a p/t job (gasp!) to pay for the holidays because her daughter had already made out her Letter to Santa and included 5 pricey items. In my house Santa knew how to say NO! Let's hope your post goes from your fingertips to god's ears...Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Sandy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 8:06 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 5:27 pmI'm guilty of the theme parks for the B-day. BUT that's because they are like 30 minutes away. And admission for 3 (at a discount & smuggled in food & drink) is cheaper than a party. And around here, we are about the only family without the annual passes to everything. Those things can be thousands per family. But all that said, we're probably not going to visit the mouse again until he breaks down and does the free B-day admissions again. An aside: I was amazed at the presents my kid just racked up for his day. Some friends bought him more than I did--by far.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 7:55 pm
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Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 6:36 pm
Run DMC's You Be Illin' is on a constant loop in my head when talking to my 11 and 9 yr old girls. iPad PUHLEEZE. I don't have one; you ain't gettin' one. The nearly 12 yr old will be on the public bus from school this year so we are getting her a prepaid phone. She wants a touch screen and internet access and music downloads and YOU BE ILLIN'. That phone'll be able to make and receive calls, maybe text. Maybe. She wants to go to NY for her birthday. Um, you have a D in Spanish. Ask me IN Spanish (and I'll probably still say no). They have no tv in their room, one has an iPod Touch, the other lost hers, there is no replacement. Look, I found some paper dolls and we can go outside and make mud pies. Butter. It is churned. I don't care who buys what for her kids, but just teach your kids not to clown mine when she pulls out a Gameboy and your kid has whatever new handheld PS thing that just came out that you stood in line overnight for.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 7:52 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 5:47 pmI am fine with handed down tech (at some point I will get an iPhone 5 and then the kid can have my iPhone4 to play education games on, but only when she's good). However, I draw the line at brand new major electronics for your average kid. M will get a computer this year. My ancient, nearly as old as she is, Mac mini. She can use it for homework, and that is it.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 5:36 pmI couldn't agree with you more! Charlie likes to ski, so he gets a pass or new equipment for Christmas. When he wants expensive things, I tell him to save up his money and buy it himself. Which he did with his phone, and he has to pay for his own minutes. Several of his friends get the newest Iphone every time it comes out, for no occasion at all. aarrgghh. I am proud to be the archaic mom.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Tracy on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 4:58 pmI'm with you. Moms unite!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by tracy@sellabitmum on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 5:27 pm
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Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 4:20 pm
Oh shit, my toddler has an iPad. Will you still be my friend?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by tracy@sellabitmum on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 5:26 pm
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Report Thu Oct 11, 2012 - 4:13 pmThank you for having me here today! My daughter is still sad and iPad-less...Reply
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