Jun 07

Stupid questions to ask mothers of twins

Comments (37) by Everyday Stranger June 07, 2012 - 6:02 AM

Picture yourself at the grocery store. Picture yourself seeing a mum pushing a trolley with not one but two babies in the seat and you mentally think "Twins, and not like Arnie and DeVito!"  Now imagine what you'd say to her as your trolleys passed by each other in the aisle.

Any number of items that just flashed through your mind are things that mothers of multiples have heard many, many times over. I have twins myself (a son and daughter), and even almost five years on I still get sick of hearing the same old comments.

Allow me to help? The following are questions/comments I've genuinely gotten, as well as some responses which do some justice.

Twins! Are they natural?

No, they're a polymer-based Gore-tex blend. They get stinky, but we do really well on the moisture repellant.

Are they identical?

Kinda' hard, considering that whole "penis/vagina" debacle.

Did you have fertility treatment?

When you got pregnant, was it missionary or cheap-wine-and-curry-I-can't-be-bothered-doggie style? What, none of my business? No?

Do twins run in your family?

This is code for "are they fertility babies?" This has been cleverly disguised to invite comment about said treatment. I usually reply by way by saying "They're twins, they run everywhere!" I once had a woman then reply with "No, that's not what I meant." To which I smiled tightly and said, "Yes, I rather understood that.

Are they twins?

No, they were buy one get one free at the hospital. Total bargain.​ 

Did you know you were having twins?

No, although I swelled to the size of a house and live in a Westernized society, I have only had access to voodoo medicine. The chicken bone reading really freaking let me down this time, I tell you.

Which one's the evil twin?

Don't let the dimples fool you, lady, they both have a "666" birthmark behind their ears.

Which one's your favorite?

I am emotionally unable to even tell the cat and dog which one of them is my favorite, do you really think I will subscribe that kind of status to human beings?

How do you do it?

I have six nannies, two maids, boarding school lined up and a lifetime supply of Valium. Or, maybe, I just had twins and there is no other alternative to just get on with things. You decide which is best.

You have your hands full!

I go for the freaky on this one. I smile beatifically and say, with all of my teeth showing, "Yes, but Jesus made my heart full." Then I keep smiling. Big smiles, with as many teeth showing as possible from a dentition point of view. People back away.

If you see a mum of multiples, do us a favour - ignore how tired we look, how disorganized, that maybe one of our kids has mismatched socks. Just tell us our kids are beautiful, even if one of them has chicken pox. You'd do the same for a mum with a single baby, right?

by Everyday Stranger June 07, 2012 - 6:02 AM

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Comments (37)

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  • Report Thu Jun 28, 2012 - 7:35 pm
    by  M
    Once while I was packing my twin boys and their three year old brother into the car after the weekly shop. I was subjected to a drive by "You have your hands full.." they rolled down the window and shouted it at me! Thats the worst one. The run in the family thing - i think that most are just asking that and not trying to check if you've had fertility treament. i think maybe when people have they are more sensitive about it though. I have three boys though and lots of random people like to ask if i am going again for the girl!!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jun 12, 2012 - 10:58 pm
    by  Caroline
    On the other side of this - Both my boys like to wear the exact same clothes (some secret mission club or something..) - My oldest is 7 (wearing 9/10 size clothes), and the other is 5 (wearing 6/7 size clothes) - Everywhere we went on vacation last month, everyone asked if they were twins!!! Really... Do you see the size difference?? LOL
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jun 10, 2012 - 5:52 pm
    by  Julie
    I love this! My twins are 5 now, so we don't get this as much any more, but I still re-watch this video now and again just to remember the good ol' days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Mon Jun 11, 2012 at 12:12 pm
  • Report Mon Jun 11, 2012 - 12:12 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Julie: I. Love. That. Video. I've seen it numerous times and always forget to bookmark it, this has now been rectified. Thank you :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jun 10, 2012 - 4:05 pm
    by  Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    No one told you that chicken bone readings are only 42% accurate? Man, you really need to do more research before you get preggo again on curry night. My kids are close in age and I get asked twin questions a lot too, even when I tell people they aren't twins. I'm guessing people don't listen and have their heads up their ass.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Mon Jun 11, 2012 at 12:11 pm
  • Report Mon Jun 11, 2012 - 12:11 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Kim at Let Me Start By Saying: See, I thought chicken bones were the business. Totally beating tea leaves and predictability. Turns out that chicken bones only work on full moons when the moon is in Libra and leprechauns ride in on unicorns. I'm back to the tea leaves. I won't knock them again.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 12:33 am
    by  Erin
    Oops, I've so asked if they run in the family before. Mostly because I'm curious about how often that happens. My dad is a fraternal twin, so were his younger brothers. His dad was an identical twin... but no one my generation has had twins yet.
    Reply Delete
  • 4 replies, Last reply by Harriet on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 11:27 pm
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 1:46 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Erin: I was told by the experts that twins run in the maternal line, which was news to me as I thought they were paternal. Interestingly, twins are all over my husband's side of the family and virtually none in mine. I can see that people do ask about twins being in family as genuinely wondering if the family really is prone to multiples (I'd be tempted to ask it too!)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 2:48 pm
    by  Harriet
    @Everyday Stranger: Now for the science.... Fraternal twins happen if the mother releases two (or more!) eggs in a month. That can be genetic - some women are just more predisposed to do it - but it also happens more as we get older (probably because the body is jettisoning eggs it doesn't need - boo!), or as a result of fertility treatments (eg chlomid) or just sometimes for some reasons no one understands. If both are fertilised you get fraternal twins. So if there are fraternal twins in the mother's family then that might be because there is a genetic predisposition for the women in that family to release more than one egg in a month. So you might get lots of twins. So my dad being a fraternal twin is because his mother released two eggs that month. Which might be genetic, which gene might have passed to me, so I might have had twins. Which I did, but they're not fraternal. Go figure. Of course when my brother has kids, it won't make the blindest bit of difference to him - because even if he does have that gene, it's never going to affect the number of eggs his wife releases... His daughters on the other hand shoudl worry.... Identical twins of course are a fluke of nature and have no genetic basis at all.... So why are there two sets of identicals in this generation of my husband's family?!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:45 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Harriet: The science seemed to be all over the place when I checked - you're spot on that it's(fertility treatment aside) down to the woman's eggs and their relentless releases that leads to fraternal twins. It also seems that some ethnicities are more prone to twinning than others (a tribe in Nigeria has the highest rate, the Japanese have the lowest rate). Identical twins seem to be a happy accident in nature. Like you, my husband's family is riddled with sets of twins, so part of me wonders about the explanations, too!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 11:27 pm
    by  Harriet
    @Everyday Stranger: The ethnicities thing is why they say identicals are a fluke - as you say, fraternals occur at different rates by ethnicity, due presumably to the genes carried by that ethnicity - so hence the fraternals can be genetic, but again, only in the mother's side - if dad's Nigerian but Mum's from Paraguay (or wherever) she stands no more chance of having twins than anyone else. ID twins apparently occur at the same rate regardless of ethnicity, but they still don't know why... And, more weirdly, why if that's so, why some families still do it more often...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 7:31 pm
    by  dona
    as a twin (non identical ) we are often asked are you identical twins? mmmmm ! idiot ! we look totally different !
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:43 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @dona: The identical thing happens alllllll the time. It's harder for you with your sister, I reckon! I have also honestly been asked if they were identical...by a nurse. Who was weighing them both while they were without their nappies. I'd have thought it would have been obvious they weren't identical...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 9:43 pm
    by  Lady Estrogen
    I was just talking to a couple with 7mth twin boys (mine are 3) in the drugstore. Within the 5min that I talked to them THREE people walked by and said "Ohhhh, double trouble". I just looked at them and said, "Sorry... it never ends."
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 10:41 pm
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 10:33 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Lady Estrogen: *smacks forehead* - I forgot the "double trouble" one. I loathe that one. I make it a point when I see other young twin mums to smile, tell them their kids are beautiful, and leave it at that.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 2:50 pm
    by  Harriet
    @Everyday Stranger: Although I did stop someone yesterday with her newborns and said: That is the best thing that will ever happen to you! You are so lucky. I can't tell you how great it is to have twins.... I don't think people say that sort of thing enough....
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:41 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Harriet: I've done that too - a woman walked into the office a while back with newborn twins (to show them off to colleagues). I stopped, told her how beautiful they are, said I have twins and that it's the most amazing adventure ever, that she would love it.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 8:37 am
    by  Margaret
    I have asked people if they run in the family, but I actually meant the words without any hidden meaning. As you know, I have niece and nephew twinkies a year behind your beautiful babies. They are the only ones in our family. However, I understand the tiresome questions forever on repeat. I get them about my red hair. When I was younger I often swore that if I got another "carpet match the drapes" question I might just drop my drawers.
    Reply Delete
  • 2 replies, Last reply by Harriet on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:58 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Margaret: Yeah in truth I get the twins in the family one, only it has taken on another meaning with some! The curtains/drapes comments, I feel for ya'. I've been a bottle redhead at times (and I think bottle redheads are obvious, like me) and have had that asked. For the real deal like you, I'd want to start punching people after being asked that so many times!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 2:51 pm
    by  Harriet
    @Everyday Stranger: I'm with Margaret. I don't find it offensive - my sister-in-law's family is stuffed full of twins, and I think people are fascinated by families like that. People are genuinely interested, and given how fascinating I find my twins, I don't think we should begrudge them their two or three questions. That said: "how were they conceived?" did take the biscuit the other day....
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 6:10 am
    by  Janie Emaus
    Ok. I'm guilty of a one of these questions. Truth be told, I always wanted twins.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 10:56 am
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:56 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Janie Emaus: Having twins has its ups and downs - it's lovely knowing that they each have each other, although if they're your only kids it's like you live life in fast-forward - you get to experience their first word, but typically two things are happening at once and you sometimes just want to hit the pause button!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 8:31 am
    by  Saraid
    As a twin I can somewhat sympathise with you...I have been asked some very dumb questions about being a twin!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 10:54 am
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 10:54 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Saraid: Oh, have you gotten the one about "if someone hits your twin, do you feel anything?" I've had that one asked to my two. Fortunately, they both simply and solemnly replied that it's not kind to hit people.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 9:56 pm
    by  Michelle Twin Mum
    Amazing hwo we become public property once we have twins! Thankfuly it has mosstly stopped for me as mine look nothing alike now and one is 6cm taller. Mich x
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 1:49 am
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 10:31 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Michelle Twin Mum: They really do get viewed as public property when they're small, don't they? It happens less now, but wow the attention they'd get. It's lovely on the one hand, I mean you don't want people screaming with horror when they see you, but inevitably people stop you and question you when one is about to go into meltdown and you have 6 seconds left in the parking meter...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 1:41 am
    by  michelle twin mum
    @Everyday Stranger: Lol, yes I wrote nearly the same thing a few weeks back. I used to take mine out in a single buggy together to avoid the attention! http://mdplife.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/if-twin-mums-ruled-world.html
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 1:49 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @michelle twin mum: Oh god, the double pram! I had blocked that out. We even tried to get the smallest sized one, we'd still get stuck in doors. And like you I tried to avoid calling attention to us, to the extent that I would dress her in pink and him in blue just so that people wouldn't have to stop us to ask.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 12:32 am
    by  lhewitt
    Wow, WTF? Who does that? I just don't question mothers about their kids, twins or whatever. You handle it much better than I would. Though I have never seen your children I am sure they are beautiful.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 1:38 am
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 1:38 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @lhewitt: Aw thanks! I think they're beautiful. I am totally biased, naturally. Totally.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 11:56 pm
    by  rootietoot
    I love the last two. I didn't have twins, but I did have 3 boys in 3 years, and heard those both a lot. My answer was either "bourbon in the baby bottle/sippy cup" or "bourbon in the coffee cup". Baptists were horrified, Episcopalians understood.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 12:12 am
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 12:12 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @rootietoot: Right. Now adding bourbon to the shopping list. The applications it supports will be sooooo worth it....
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 11:56 pm
    by  Wub Boo Mummy
    People seriously ask which one's your favourite? I am in awe of mums of multiples and so scared that I will say one of the stupid cliches that I generally just smile and carry on.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Fri Jun 8, 2012 at 12:11 am
  • Report Fri Jun 8, 2012 - 12:11 am
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @Wub Boo Mummy: I have indeed been asked which one is my fave. It staggers me. I can't even tell you which Bee Gee was my fave and I am so emotionally distant from them it boggles the mind, how the hell do I choose between my own sprogs?
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 7:13 pm
    by  cozziscorner
    This was a great post! I do not have twins but I do have two daughters 18 months apart and strangely people always ask if they are twins. It's annoying because they look nothing alike and there is an obvious age difference. I also like the "how do you do it" paragraph. I always get asked this question. Really? How do I do it? We just do it, it's not like we were asked if we wanted double the work! Children are a blessing and all beautiful! Thanks for sharing!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Thu Jun 7, 2012 at 10:34 pm
  • Report Thu Jun 7, 2012 - 10:34 pm
    by  Everyday Stranger
    @cozziscorner: The "How do you do it"? question is also a confusing one. How do we do it? Well, we get out of bed, get dressed, and hit the day. There's no other real alternative, right? You're exactly right, we just do it!
    Reply Delete

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