My big fat gay wedding
Like everyone else, whether they admit it or not, I am good friends with and related to gay and lesbians.
Like everyone else, and we all readily admit this, I find weddings beyond dull.
There is nothing fun about a wedding. It's dreary and dull and even with the benefit of an open bar, it's just a long slog through overly-ornate floral arrangements and tedious speeches until someone gets drunk enough that they try to start a fight with the father of the groom (oh, yeah, that happened). Or, they dance so exuberantly that they go one way and their strapless dress goes another (that has also happened).
This is why I am all about gay weddings. With President Obama FINALLY coming out (no pun intended) in support of gay marriage (with an assist from everyone's favorite drunk uncle, Joe Biden), we can at last leave behind the days of mind-numbing heterosexual weddings and enjoy the good taste and better gossip of gay weddings.
I mean, sure, North Carolina just became the 31st backwards ass state to ban gay marriage, and there are only eight States that specifically allow gay marriage, because evidently those are the only eight states smart enough to join ten other countries that allow gay marriage. But those states and countries banning gay marriage are not only doing themselves a disservice by relegating themselves to the sanctified monotony of hetero marriages, they are also short-sightedly ruining the economy.
Have you been to a party thrown by the gays? THEY ARE FUCKING FANTASTIC. Everything is perfectly done, down to the most minor detail, and always budgeted with an eye toward taste and style. Think about the boost the global economy would get if all gay and lesbian couples would be allowed to marry. No more austerity measures! No more funding cuts to the needy! No more ill-advised color schemes! Nordstrom and Williams Sonoma stock would go through the ROOF.
I, personally, cannot wait.