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Okay, so I lied
by So remember the post where I said that I get along just fine with everyone?
Turns out I don't.
Turns out I don't play well with others...Well, I don't play well with others in group projects.
Returning to school in my forties was a good thing. It meant I could afford to pay for the good parking spots. It meant the experience of juggling four kids while I had a phone tucked under my ear, baked cookies, and scrubbed the toilet would give me the organizational skills of Oprah.
It did, however, also mean that in group projects, I would end up being that bossy bitch that delegates menial tasks and rolls her eyes at a certain buddy who doesn't swoon at my brilliant idea that we should all wear matching outfits for the presentation.
When I asked him if we could switch presentation dates with another group, he didn't have to be all, "Waah! Waah! But we already switched dates once!" Big baby.
He could have simply said, "You know what Sandra, you awesome gorgeous creature you, we've already changed our presentation date once. Let's just stick with the one we've got."
And I would have been all, "Okay! Great! Thank you for being such a good communicator."
Instead, buddy grunted at me.
He grunted then he ran away from me.
He fucking ran away from me, like he was a little baby that I was chasing around the coffee table so I could change his dirty diaper.
Well, I'm done changing dirty diapers, buddy! Go ahead and keep on running with that load in your pants because I don't like working with you.
Clearly being grunted at triggers deep seeded emotions within me because I haven't stopped stewing over this.
And to make matters worse, he has this soul patch. I hate those things! And his is all bushy. It looks like a big mound of pubic hair right beneath his bottom lip.
I sit in class and daydream about going up to him and giving that pubic bush a harsh yank.
There! How'd you like me now Mr. Big-Baby-Bushy-Pubic-Looking-Soul-Patch-Guy!
The reality though: I won't react negatively. I won't stomp my feet and throw a tantrum, and demand that we wear the matching outfits for the presentation. ‘Cause that's not how I roll.
I might, however, leave a can of shaving cream on his desk with a note that says, "Go on, shave it. Your wife can thank me later."
...I only said I... might!
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Comments (13)
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Report Sat Mar 3, 2012 - 11:16 amplaying well with others is highly over-rated. I have low tolerence for stupid (lacking common sense) and rude. I can totally relate. someone pisses you off and you need to vent. Yes, it may sound childish, but venting to friends is the healthy outlet, pulling on his 'chubes', not so healthy. Thank you for considering us friend enough to open up in this way.Reply -
Report Mon Feb 27, 2012 - 8:19 pmWhoa... Condescending, and yet childish and bitchy at the same time. Oh, and not funny.Reply
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Mon Feb 27, 2012 - 7:12 pm
I don't play well in groups either. Don't feel bad. I am "little miss independent" and when it comes to groups, I feel like either I blend with the walls or they treat me like I'm stupid. Yep, the sign on my cubbie says "enter with caution, does not play well with others!"Reply -
Report Sun Feb 26, 2012 - 11:45 pmOh sweet babies. Trying to communicate I. Group projects. Don't they realize you know wtf you're doing?Reply
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Report Sun Feb 26, 2012 - 6:55 pmFor you it's grunting, for me it's the rolling of the eyes, makes me want to reach over and pluck those orbs right out of their sockets! You're a brave woman for returning to school after you've already had children. Not me! I'm ready for the fucking rec room at the nursing home! At least there the grunting and the rolling of the eyes would actually signify something, like someone has lost their teeth and can't find them or they're having a stroke and croaking, either way, at least there's clear communication on what they're grunting and/or rolling their eyes about! And the soul patch?? Puke. Just puke. Unless you're fucking Ray Charles, back away from the fucking soul patch!! Luv you Sandra - As always hysterical. :)Reply
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Report Sun Feb 26, 2012 - 3:59 amI have a great dislike for those soul patches too! *shudder*Reply
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Report Sun Feb 26, 2012 - 12:54 amWe call them "chubes"... short for chin pubes! :)Reply
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Report Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 7:11 pmAnd group assignments at work are even worse! I'm not supposed to tell people what I think of them at work. And insulting them just is not tolerated. It's not my fault they are stupid and whiny!Reply
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Report Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 7:55 amI am not one to take part in group progjects I prefer to work alone I also do not like being told what to do............lolReply
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Report Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 4:57 amI detested group projects. I'm too grown up for that crap. I always did most of the work and, yeah, other students are like babies running around with poop in their pants. Love, JanieReply
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Report Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 3:18 amI have a love/hate thing going on with those soul patches. Some actually can pull it off - like my hubs. But it's only because he has a tree-trunk neck and the patch helps separate the dividing line between his chin and neck.Reply
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Report Fri Feb 24, 2012 - 3:22 amWhat is it with men and the chin bushes? My husband has grown one on and off for years. Now he is letting it grow out all bushy and shrub like and ick, it is nasty :=PReply
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Thu Feb 23, 2012 - 5:56 pm
I am scared and amused but I can't wait for you to graduate and hit the work place with your new found skills. Hilarious. Keep kicking ass sister ;) xxReply
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