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Neglect. Could you call it?
A few nights ago I caught the first in a series following a social care team in Coventry. This episode involved the case of a young boy (3) and his parents, both with learning difficulties, who were struggling to provide decent care for their child. Over the course of the programme, the relationship between the care workers and the parents deteriorated, particularly with the father who became very angry and obstructive, and it culminated with the young boy and his new baby sister being taken into foster care.
I must start by saying how much respect I have for social workers and the difficult job they do, a job that has been made ever more difficult after the tragic but isolated scandals involving Baby P and Victoria Climbie. I think they are undersupported, underfunded and undervalued. However, the feeling I couldn't shake was just how awful it would be to have my family life scrutinised in that way. However much the family in question were struggling, incapable, falling short. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the way they were being demonised.
I'm not arguing that the care the little boy was receiving was adequate. The couple in question clearly didn't have the skills or the emotional maturity to parent their child the right way, but wilful neglect? Theirs was a difficult child, and let's be honest this parenting lark is hard. Imagine how hard it must be when you're two coins short of a money box.
They needed help. And lots of it. And maybe what the social workers were asking them to do wasn't exactly brain surgery - buy the kid a toothbrush and clean the floor. And maybe they did have them banged to rights, and the kid was better off elsewhere (did you see how he thrived?) But wilful neglect?
And let's be honest, I wasn't entirely surprised the father became angry and obstructive. I think I'd find that level of personal scrutiny difficult. And okay, he was a pretty poor example of a father (during a supervised play visit, he didn't say a word to his son who played around his feet), but could we really expect him to stay calm and collected and rational with all of this going on around him? Watch him sit at the interrogation case meeting, with its complicated vocabulary and convoluted expressions, and understand what was going on, let alone agree plans with objective certitude?
I would say they were pretty disadvantaged from the start.
And the evidence they chose to cite for the case of neglect?
1. He turned up at nursery without his nappy being changed? Hmm, I lived by the mantra if there's no poo why change it? My kids' nappies were frequently hanging low to their ankles. What are these newfangled stay-dry nappies for anyway?
2. He smelt of wee. Hmmm, both my boys regularly smell of wee. It's what boys smell of. It's all those folds and creases and shaking dry without using looroll.
3. He had a bruise on his shoulder from where his mother had grabbed him to stop him throwing stuff. Don't get me wrong, I do not advocate hitting a child under any circumstance, but have I ever marked my child by grabbling out at him when he was about to do something dangerous? I'm afraid so. Not intentionally, and I felt truly awful, but when your kid is about to launch themselves under a bus, you don't react with the light-handedness of a ballet dancer.
I've always wondered how social workers can really tell the difference between malicious bruising and the skin tone of a perfectly average toddler.
Okay, I'm really not making light of child neglect; it's just such a horribly subjective and blurry line. It scares me to imagine a situation where someone might form an opinion of me, and that once the machine was turning, there was nothing I could do to stop its momentum.
I know if a magnifying glass were to be turned on me it'd throw into relief some pretty ugly blemishes.
So where exactly is the line, and who gets to call it?
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Comments (22)
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Report Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 10:29 amWow! I am so enthralled by all of this discussion and everything I looked up in order to understand more of your child protection services, as I am from the US and did not know about those cases like Baby P and Victoria and some others. Devastating cases. Now I would like to look up some of these cases in the states. Not that it sounds like so much fun...I worked in Child Protection Services as a social worker investgating allegations of abuse and I have to tell you it was an emotionally impacting and very nearly devastating, life altering experience. It was not at all what I had anticipated it would be, what I had been trained and prepared for in my MSW grad program, or what I had hoped. I just thank God that I am able to sit here today and write about this, having found the ability and been given the opportunity to continue my career in Social Work in a position that allows me to feel like I am doing good work to impact people positively. That was not the case before. The system in the US is so profoundly flawed. And not just that, the situations in which children are living are complex and there often does not seem to be a good choice. I could say so much more about this, but I will try not to. It is 2:23 AM here! Thank you M2M for your article and all of the wonderful open discussion that took place. I love reading everything here!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Thu Apr 5, 2012 at 5:05 pm
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Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 12:17 pmIt's a difficult call to make. I've actually been in the situation of having social workers look at our family, and it was an eye-opener. I was a single mom of autistic pre-school aged triplets, and my son needed more care than one person could give him due to his aggression and self-injury. So we had to look for a placement in a group home for him, and the only way to get that placement was to make it a 'child safety issue', and give custody of him to Children's Aid (fortunately for us and other families, that's no longer the case). I knew that when I called Children's Aid to say that he was a danger to himself and his sisters we would be placed under a microscope, but I was very surprised at just how extensive their investigation was. I was questioned because I had a bottle of wine in the fridge, because I had an overabundance of Cheerios, chicken fingers, and Kraft Dinner and no fresh fruit or veggies in the house (because my kids wouldn't touch them), because there was dirty laundry in the laundry room (you're NEVER caught up on laundry with triplets), one girl had a hole in the knee of her pants, because I bathed all 3 of them at the same time, etc. etc. None of those were issues for CAS, but they did get marked off on their checklist. Children's Aid was never less than completely supportive of me, and we wouldn't have gotten through that time period without them, but it certainly was an experience to have everything scrutinized so thoroughly.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Thu Apr 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm
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Wed Feb 22, 2012 - 4:50 pm
The extent of the intrusion must be difficult. I have three adopted children and the level of intrusion for that is incredible. It is scary. How much looking is too much. Those looking to hide it seem to manage it.Reply -
Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 10:07 amHmm. So I typed a massive reply and forgot to address the point of your post! I agree that being in the spotlight must be awful. I remember working with a teenage mum who had baby twins and her life was in a goldfish bowl, I felt so sorry for her - I mean what single mum wouldn't struggle with baby twins. I remember having a 'discussion' with her social worker because she'd picked up on the fact that she often fed them from the same bowl -- no, it's probably not the ideal way to bring up children, but I bet loads of parents do that but the older, middle class ones never get 'found out' because they don't have a social worker poking their noses in.Reply
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5 replies, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Fri Feb 10, 2012 at 7:23 am
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Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 8:42 amThank you for this very thoughtful and thought provoking piece. I didn't see the programme, but bases on your description can't help thinking the family might have been better served with more day to day support than being split up? Surely it would be less expensive and destructive?Reply
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5 replies, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Fri Feb 10, 2012 at 7:22 am
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Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 2:28 pmI didn't see the programme, so I can't comment on the specifics. However it is such a tough problem. I know I fall a long way short of being the perfect parent and could be cited under all too many of those thiings if you really wanted to look at it, this is because like most parents I'm human. The social workers have a nightmare lose-lose job to do and someone somewhere has to carry the can and take responsibility. When they make the wrong decision they either remove a child from a troubled but loving family or worse - they leave one in a nightmare, but they have to make that decision under exactly that grey, blurred line of whcih you speak. The idea that someone could come along and decide to take my kids away is devastating and unreal, and I can totally understand your points about the family in the programme. However, somebody does have to make that call in the end, and unfortunately it can't be the parents!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Thu Feb 9, 2012 at 10:29 pm
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Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 10:33 amReally interesting. And really interesting to read Jo's comments from the inside. Like you I have huge respect for social workers - I have met many dedicated and sadly overworked ones struggling to do the best job they can with very limited time, resources and support - but I also understand what you're saying about perspective. I remember my husband in a complete panic before our first community midwife visit three days after our first was born. I couldn't understand what was wrong until he said: "She could take our baby away". We were new parents. We loved our baby with everything we were and are, but we didn't really know what we were doing and we were going to be judged for that... As it was, of course, we were fine, but I am reminded of it every time I take a child to the GP, or the dentist or, worse A&E: you are being judged, and what if they (or indeed we) get it wrong? Really, really hard. This comment is too long, but you have made me think.Reply
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Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 9:54 amThe trouble with that programme is that it was one hour showing 2 years of support. They were given a lot of day to day support over a long period of time but the parents weren't engaging with it - not taking him to nursery, not keeping speech therapy appointments (which are hard earned) and so on. I didn't think they were providing 'good enough' care to that little boy. The house was covered in dog shit - which is a massive health liability. They were bought a bed by social services but never took it out of the wrapping. The parents didn't see why they should brush his teeth because they didn't brush theirs (and had teeth missing!). The father hit the mother and I thought he was quite heavy handed in his restraint of the child. The sad thing is that most parents who have children taken away are not evil horrible people, they love their children. But sometimes that's not enough. They were inadequate. Not their fault, but they weren't able, even with support, to look after him properly. I thought it was a shame at the end because I think the mother probably could have been a good enough mother if she'd been given the support she needed, away from the father. The trouble is that Social Services simply don't have years and years to keep giving chance after chance. The little boy was getting further and further behind in his development and there is a risk that he could have been permanently disabled simply because of his environment. However, I also thought that the social workers didn't handle the case well at all. The inexperienced social worker would have got up any one's nose - she was *smirking* during the hearing when they were having their son taken away, presumably because she was 'winning'. The manager stood up the whole time she was having the confrontation with the father about the boy going into foster care. They whole conversation took place in front of the little boy. So much to say, I can't type it all now, I thought it was the right result (I don't like to think of children living like that and to me it doesn't matter whether it's wilful or not), but I didn't think the social worker did much at all for the reputation of social work. Awful. Don't know if you saw this weeks one? Very sad.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Thu Feb 9, 2012 at 10:22 am
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