In The Powder Room

Feb 16

Mummy's got the pixies in

Comments (10) by Gigi (Ed.) February 16, 2012 - 7:02 AM

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Before I relate this story I need to confess that as I've gotten older, when Aunt Flo comes to visit, I usually get a few days before in which I morph into a fucking crazy bitch an extraordinarily bad-tempered individual. My sense of humour evaporates, and stuff that would normally wash over me in a kind of a Chris-De-Burgh-way, turns me into the Mother of All Angry.

Last week, as my Inner Angry was nearing her peak, my five year old and I had a rather surreal falling out. As I bathed his baby sister, my son decided to play Captain Hook. A figure I'm told who has, alongside a pathological hatred of Peter Pan, a fondness for all things twinkly, sparkling and treasured.

Moments later I found my son (Hook) had taken all my jewellery and intricately tangled it across every surface of the bedroom. I also got there just in time to watch him swinging my late grandmother's faux pearls above his head. On seeing me, he stopped twirling. Sadly, the pearls did not. They eventually landed on top of the wardrobe. And that is where they remain.

Well, normally I would be cross; he's been told a number of times to not play with mummy's treasure without mummy being there. But this time Mummy's Inner Angry had been woken and had something big to say.

There followed a rant the likes of which I usually reserve for my husband after dark (sorry Honey), which culminated in my picking up my son's Finn McMissile toy (it has a shooting gun and talks like Michael Caine) and flinging it on top of his wardrobe. Where it remains.

Mummy did a bad thing.

The thing is, Your Honour, it was totally the fault of the Aunt Flo Express. But I just don't think my precious boy is ready for the woeful tale of monthly ovulation and the hormone nasties that accompany it. Not even if it was written by J.K. Rowling. So what to do?

I had a choice: tell him sometimes mummy is just plain bonkers - so he better, you know, watch it. Or come up with an explanation that works on his level.

Pixies are naughty, and sometimes, they do things they shouldn't. And so that's what I told my son - that once a month Mummy is visited by the pixies and she might be a little cross, and she might be a little naughty too.

I'm hoping it will work long enough for me to come up with another excuse, or until the menopause turns me into a big plump mound of forgetful sweetness. Complete with sticky tissues. And mints.

by Gigi (Ed.) February 16, 2012 - 7:02 AM

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  Report Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 2:42 pm

  by  motherwifeme

  So good to see that it isn't just me finding the monthly visitation has got worse - not that I am glad they are rough for you too. Mine changed completely after giving birth, I was once a mild-mannered monster for 1 day per month, now I am like an evil banshee on crack for several days a month, lucky family!

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• 1 reply, Last reply by Gigi (Ed.) on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 8:13 pm
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  Report Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 8:13 pm

  by  Gigi (Ed.)

  @motherwifeme: I think we should think about campaigning for proper time off for these medical emergencies. If only to protect the innocent (our children) and preserve the very trim on the fabric of society - ie: the notion that us women female types are in fact, practically perfect in every way.

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  Report Fri Feb 17, 2012 - 1:13 pm

  by  Sam

  I love it! so true... wondering when I'll have to be explaining this to my almost 4 year old... hmmm, thanks for the preparation (& the excuse!)

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• 1 reply, Last reply by Gigi (Ed.) on Fri Feb 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm
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  Report Fri Feb 17, 2012 - 3:36 pm

  by  Gigi (Ed.)

  @Sam: Thanks! But there are so many things to explain...even so, maybe I should have just let him think I was a crazy bitch, maybe I should have drawn him a diagram. Maybe I should just go away every month until the symptoms subside...somewhere like Miami :)

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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 6:27 pm

  by  paper writing

  I like this blog

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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 8:11 am

  by  marketingtomilk

  . i think you're digging a hole for yourself here. For if the pixies visit mummy once a month, why should they not visit children? Not sure what you're teaching your kids about responsibility. hmm, naughty gigi ;>) oh, and if you're only visited for 3 days prior to d-day, what a lucky girl you are. As i get older almost every day is pixi day. M2M

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• 4 replies, Last reply by Gigi (Ed.) on Thu Feb 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm
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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 9:05 am

  by  Gigi (Ed.)

  @marketingtomilk: As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew there would be trouble. But hey, trouble loves company right?

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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 9:16 am

  by  marketingtomilk

  @Gigi (Ed.): indeed it does. trouble rather likes insanity in this household too.

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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 1:14 pm

  by  jennifer

  @Gigi (Ed.): I had a similar experience last night. Started yelling at the husband over something simple. My daughters asked me if daddy was being mean, whereby I commenced the sobbing. My explanation to them (ages 3 and 4)"sometimes mommy just gets crazy" - maybe next time I'll try the pixie thing.

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  Report Thu Feb 16, 2012 - 1:19 pm

  by  Gigi (Ed.)

  @jennifer: I hear you sister. There's a reason why it's called a curse. All I am wondering is who pissed off the witch?!

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