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My naughty, naughty walls
I've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom lately...
...plastering damaged drywall.
It's my own fault. I attempted to strip some hideous old pink-striped wallpaper and ended up completely mangling the underlying sheetrock.
So now I'm on a quest to rebuild the bathroom drywall and create a perfectly smooth canvas for two coats of pale green eggshell paint in the (hopefully) not-too-distant future.
It's a huge job and I'm absolutely obsessed with it.
As a result, I've been spending a lot of alone time spreading joint compound, sanding dried plaster, sponging down walls, and repeating until it's just so.
I'm actually enjoying the Zen quality of it.
But that's a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts.
And during all the repeated spreading, and rubbing, and stroking, I've come to the conclusion that plastering walls is a lot like sex...
1. It's nice to have a partner, but you can do it solo with equally successful results.
2. Some good background music can really help you get into it.
3. It's important to use the right tools for the job. And sometimes fingers are the perfect tool.
4. Speaking of which, short fingernails are key.
5. There will be funny noises. Go ahead and giggle.
6. Safety first. Don't sacrifice your long term health by not wearing the proper protection.
7. Along that same vein, try not to get any in your eyes or nose.
8. Keep it moist. If things start to dry out, the results will not be as satisfactory.
9. A clean work area is important. In particular, excess hair can really get in the way of doing a proper job.
10. Long, smooth strokes can create very desirable results, except when short quick strokes are necessary.
{Ahem.}
Oh my.
Well if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to work. On my walls. My very naughty bathroom walls.
Maybe my husband would like to join me...or not. Either way, I can get the job done.
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Comments (18)
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Report Sun Mar 11, 2012 - 1:10 pmAs a SAHM to two girls under three, this at times is the most sex I get! (reading about it.) Maybe the Mr. and I will try plastering soon! LOL. After we get some sleep. SMOOCHES.Reply -
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Thu Jan 19, 2012 - 9:45 am
so funny. highly enjoyed this post. M2MReply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 19, 2012 at 9:31 pm
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Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 2:13 pm
Mah goodness. (fans self). I have a plastering story for you, We were renovating an old farmhouse 20 years ago. My children were 4,2 and 1. Himself was watching them outside while I finished the drywall in the living room. The seams were perfect, works of art. Then the 2 year old came in and noticed the little bit of tape at the bottom of a seam I'd just finished. He grabbed it and yanked...ZIP...up came that entire seam, with plaster kind of flinging everywhere. I still haven't forgiven him.Reply -
4 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 10:57 pm
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Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 8:54 pm
Newest fan/follower/member - Love this - alotReply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm
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Report Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 8:23 pmOh, lady friend! I am so hard up (for renovation, of course) I'm going to start peeling paint off the walls with my teeth! (Because I don't have gloves, and you know what they say...no glove, no love.) XOReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 10:36 pm
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Report Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 3:37 pmThe publicist says that when you have to get a whole freakin' HOUSE sheetrocked in a short period of time sex is the last thing on your mind.... Not to mention the fact that the male person did not like the way she did her room so she told him....nevermind.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm
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Report Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 3:42 pmAnother way it is like sex: The more you do it, the more of an expert you become and can get the job done even faster! Yes that's right. I'm 54 and married for 33 years to my one and only.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm
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Report Tue Jan 17, 2012 - 2:23 pmOh my. I never thought of it that way. And to think I've left my own bathroom in such disrepair. I think I need to do a little work in that room.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm
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