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Driving Miss Crazy
Dear Regular Guy,
Why is it FUNNY when he nearly crashes the car, but TYPICAL of my sex and rubbish driving if I make an error behind the wheel?
It drives me nuts.
Dear Miss Nuts,
An open road, a steel cage around you and the power of command - is it any wonder that Man slips back into his primal genetics when in control of his car?
In our minds, the clapped out family car we are driving has a prancing horse on the front of it and about 500 real ones powering the wheels. These are our roads - we can drive them how we like.
We don't make mistakes. Occasionally things go wrong while we are in charge of the car and, because we are officially the Captain, we have to accept responsibility for the error, but we know in our hearts that something else is really at fault.
The real cause of the glitch may be another driver, a badly maintained road, the sunlight in our eyes or the deviously bottomed woman walking along nearby. These are to blame for the wobble, the brush with the kerb or the excursion into the rear of the car in front. We laugh so that you know that we know that everyone knows that we are only accepting blame out of duty, rather than admitting guilt.
However, this feeling of righteous piety behind the wheel cannot suddenly be dropped just because we are no longer actually driving. Whether we are sitting in the passenger seat or at home watching the TV, we are still the Captain of the ship and woe betide you if you forget that.
Take my car, for example.
I rarely drive it because I commute on the train, whereas my wife uses it every day for her commute. As she is the main driver we insured it in her name and indeed when we bought it, using the money from our joint account, we put the actual legal ownership of the car into her name too, mainly due to her genetic ability to concentrate, rather than just drinking free coffee and imagining taking Kate Winslet for a drive to the library - ahem - but I've digressed.
When she borrows my car then she should look after it, that's all there is to it.
Instead, my wing mirrors are scratched and so are the rims of the tyres, proof positive that my wife is a danger to the roads and a liability in a Ford. She has tried to suggest that occasionally clipping the wing mirrors on our gate post or parking too close to the kerbs doesn't exactly make her a hazard. Whereas writing off our Peugeot on the M6 and also having a speeding fine adding to my licence could perhaps suggest that I might be. I have, of course, pointed out that the other driver admitted full responsibility for smashing into my 206 and as for the speeding violation? Well - ha ha - funny story about that, you see I was trying to prove that the Sat-Nav had got my ETA wrong - you do have to laugh...
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Comments (6)
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Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 9:39 am
Men are so annoying. The End. ;)Reply -
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Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 9:18 pm
yep.....he recently drove ONTO a roundabout during rush hour because he was going too fast around it and couldn't take the bend. Guess what? We have to laugh about it everyday and even check out the skid marks and if they're still there. I dented the car because someone reversed out of their drive into me (I was on the main road, happily going along, in SECOND GEAR). yet this is my fauly, typical and now the butt of all of his friends "hope the wife's not driving" jokes. jeez louise.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 10:56 pm
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Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 12:28 pm
You sound exactly like my husband "The destroyed rear end of my truck (that spent 3 weeks in the shop for repairs) was the fault of the teenaged girl who was texting" and yet the scratch on the hood of my car was my fault because I shouldn't have parked it under a tree that dropped a limb on it. And the ticket? he was going the same speed as the rest of the traffic, but got singled out for some reason. I have never had a speeding ticket even though I drive a red sports car. Pure luck, that. I speed all the time (135mph with the top down is exhilarating).Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Tue Jan 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm
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