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Another year, another set up for failure
What is it about the New Year that fills us with so much excitement and promise for a fresh start? Is it because by the time we get through December (if we get through December), we are so exhausted, and hung-over, and flabby that we simply must make changes or perish altogether?
Like so many others, I find myself dreaming and scheming about the new me who is just around the corner...
So here goes:
1. Exercise at least 3x a week. And no, lifting 32 oz. wine slushies to my mouth repeatedly doesn't count as upper-arm work.
2. Drink fewer wine slushies.
3. Stop gossiping, especially with back-biting assholes. And/or find some new friends who are really good at keeping secrets.
4. Become more multi-cultural and learn how to speak Canadian.
5. Do more kegels and explore laser hair removal.
6. Get my Christmas cards and all of my Christmas shopping done by December 1st so I can enjoy Advent with my family more.
7. Read more. I'm talking real books, not gossip rags. (See #3 above.)
8. Reduce the amount of clutter in my home so that I don't end up on an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive.
9. And speaking of clutter, it would be really nice if I didn't have to park my mini-van so far away from other cars due to the shame of the constant mess inside my vehicle. Let's try to clean that mofo out once a week, m'kay?
10. Learn how to use my camera.
There. That ought to do it. At least until mid-January when I head into a shame spiral as I guzzle down wine slushies and gossip magazines on the couch to comfort myself for not being able to find my camera or my Christmas card list.
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Comments (36)
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 1:48 pmI do have to admit that I love me a good Hoarders: Buried Alive episode, so I'm torn about encouraging you on resolution number eight.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 18, 2012 at 10:49 pm
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 5:59 amWhy is it that as soon as I read "Do more kegels." I started doing kegels?Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 18, 2012 at 10:48 pm
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Report Wed Jan 18, 2012 - 10:38 pmWhat exactly is a wine slushie, and where do I get one? Do you have a recipe?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 18, 2012 at 10:48 pm
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Report Thu Jan 5, 2012 - 5:44 amOr you could just not send out any cards, hang around the house in December watching soap operas, and by January, you wouldn't need to cut out the wine slushies. You're welcome.Reply
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 5:12 amOh I think you stole my list. Great minds think alike!Reply
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 4:37 amI LOVE it! I'm celebrating the new year with something I can never fail at. One new biscotti recipe every week. Not the nasty low sugar kind, I'm talking dripping with chocolate drizzle http://onceinalifetimetravel.me/2011/12/27/resolutions-for-2012/Reply
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Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 6:59 pmI'm telling you - p90x changed my life. I don't exercise well in public - but I was hitting 40 this year, and went from nothing to losing 30lbs and being able to fit back into all my clothes (and it took me 6 weeks to be able to do a tape all the way through) but it's been worth it! Good luck!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Ninja Mom on Wed Jan 4, 2012 at 4:31 am
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 4:29 amI'm reading your list, chuckling at your mad humor skills, but generally dismissing any sense of shame and guilt that would normally fuel my own resolutions. How big of me! I've moved past the need to reinvent myself! Marvel at my grown-upedness. Oh, hmm? Wait, mini van what? Damn it woman! Yes, my mini van is an embarrassment and a health hazard. Crap. Fine. My resolutions. 1. Hire arsonist to burn mini van and buy a clean one with the insurance money. . .Reply
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 3:08 amI just follow my Maaaa of Pricilla and it leaves me in good stead http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com/p/what-is-maaaaa-of-pricilla.html I don't do wine but I highly recommend fermented apples. Hic!Reply
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Report Wed Jan 4, 2012 - 12:43 amMy New Year's resolution is to stop being such a lurker and start leaving comments on the blogs I read, so I thought I'd let you know you make me laugh out loud with every post! Thanks for that, Happy New Year!Reply
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Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 3:44 pmA four-year-old I know says that he resolves to "play more." I'm going with that.Reply
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4 replies, Last reply by Crista on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm
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Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 2:55 pm
right, do more of this and less of that...all I want is to get through the year without seriously feeling like killing myself or someone else. If that can be managed then I'll call it a good year. The house can stay a mess, the thighs can remain bodacious, and the recycling (*koffkoff*) bin filled with empty Barefoot Pinot Grigio bottles, as long as no one dies or gets pregnant, it's all good.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm
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Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 8:09 pm
As Garfield once said - excercise is 50% mental - so give it some real thought and that should be enoughReply -
Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 3:10 pmI went sugar free for New Year's...planned to do at least two weeks....then the animal crackers called to me a bit loudly. DANG IT. I REALLY like Clare's idea of dedicated deterioration...better buy bigger sweat pants Ol Girl!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 5:38 pm
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Report Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 2:07 pmYou're a spaz. Don't you know how to clean out your minivan the Kotrlik way??? Open all the windows, and maybe even the gate in the back- and drive around a parking lot.... let all the clutter fly out of the car, and POOF! Clean car. And you can't stop the wine slushies... how will we be ready for St.Paddy's day???Reply
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4 replies, Last reply by Meili on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm
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Tue Jan 3, 2012 - 11:12 am
Excellent! I think you should join me in mine which I am declaring next week. They are ones we can actually stick too or can we? This year I am going to be a happy asshole - it's about time. I have been trying to self improve for way too long - I think we should dedicate this year to detoriation.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by Heather Novak on Tue Jan 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm
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