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And the battle continues
It's her least favorite time of the day: the preschool pickup.
She's not sure why. Is it the ear-splitting din of all those clucking moms and nannies lining the hallways, comparing toddler milestones and extra-curricular schedules? Sometimes she hears snippets and it makes her blood pressure rise. "Did you register Tyler for T-Ball yet?" "All the best summer camps filled up weeks ago." "Oh, I've heard terrible things about that teacher." "Are y'all doing Swim Team again?"
She always tries to time it so she's the last one to arrive and won't have to wait in line with the other women. She knows this is wrong, and it makes her feel even worse about it.
Yesterday she decided to put on her big girl panties and try to be social.
She went early, got in line, said hello. The woman ahead of her wouldn't even turn around to make eye contact.
The rejection made her feel bad.
Her mind went right to the dark place. "Is it my breath? Did I say something offensive at the Christmas party? OHMYGOD, does she know about my blog?"
So she pulled out her phone, pretending to look busy.
A random Facebook status catches her eye:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
And she realizes...you never know.
Maybe that lady's dog just died.
Maybe she's suffering from a horrible bout of IBS, or alcohol withdrawal, or mild to moderate vaginal itching.
Maybe she just found out that her husband is cheating on her.
Or maybe she was sexually assaulted by someone she trusted.
Maybe she has a sick parent or a child on her third round of chemotherapy.
Or maybe she hasn't slept well in 12 years because her husband snores like a fucking freight train.
Maybe deep down inside she thinks she's ugly and is extremely self-conscious about her facial hair.
Or perhaps she has social anxiety and trust issues stemming from her parents' hideous divorce decades ago.
Who knows? She might just be having a bad day... an overslept, burned the toast, forgot the coupons, stubbed a toe, got poop on her tampon string kind of day. That could explain the vaginal itching, at least.
And most likely, that split-second lack of courtesy has absolutely nothing to do with her.
She has three choices:
1. Just ignore Ms. Nasty Pants.
2. Mirror the negative energy right back in her bitchy face.
3. Be kind.
So she puts her phone away and smiles. And maybe, just maybe, her smile will remind the other women in line that there is good in the world. And even if that woman did accidentally put her thong on sideways, a smile might just be the lifeline she needs to get through another shitty day.
Yes, she will hold her head high and smile anyway.
And that's when she notices: the woman in front of her is wearing hearing aids.
Maybe tomorrow she'll tap her on the shoulder before she says hello.
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Comments (80)
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Report Thu Feb 2, 2012 - 1:47 amLove this post! Funny and kind at the same time! I wear two hearing aids and get accused of ignoring people. All.The.Time. And it doesn't help that hearing aids are getting smaller and smaller because people don't want to appear handicapped. But we are. Hopefully, folks who read this will give someone the benefit of a doubt. Thanks!Reply -
Report Mon Jan 30, 2012 - 4:59 amOh, sooooo funny. My kids are long finished pre-school pick up days but I remember the scene very clearly. the timing is everything. You can't be late or you get the "worst mother of the year" award. If you're too early you'll be subject to the inane mommy/nanny chitchat that can make one feel inferior in some weird way. Thanks for the humorous slant on the mundane.:)Reply
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 6:02 pmLove this story. And whenever I see that quotation, it does remind me to be more kind. Not only do we all have hard battles of varying hard-ness - but we all have baggage of varying weights and awkward shapes. Thanks for reminding me - once again - to get over myself and just be more kind.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Darlene on Sat Jan 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 5:51 pmAhhh...yes. Questioning yourself in the PreK line. I do stupid things on a regular basis, and oft wonder why certain people have poles ups their backdoors. I love the poop and vag humor bringing the message to us more gently. Fabulous again, Beardy. Just Fabulous.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm
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Report Fri Jan 27, 2012 - 3:25 amOMG, getting poop on your tampon string is the WORST!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Fri Jan 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 2:09 pmOh Iris. Oh man. Poor Iris. It really IS hard to be you. For a second I thought you must live in NYC because everyone I say "hello" to here ignores me. Dicks. And poop on the tampon string? Too far. Too far.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Jen Has A Pen on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 10:14 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 6:53 pmMy friend has a saying. She says, "It's so easy to judge." Personally I love judging, but I do get her point. Great post as usual!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 7:54 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 12:52 amYou're killin me smalls! All those clucking moms... if that's not the truth. Our school has a little circle drive in the front and I'm that mom who pulls up into the circle drive and waits in my car for the kids to come out vs. standing out on the sidewalk with PTA "cool-kids-club" mommies. I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a flaming stick than listen to their mompetitive and exhaustingly shallow conversations.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 7:16 amIris! Wow! The tampon string...HILARIOUS! I love how you say the things that I never knew other people thought. That happens to me all the time when reading your blogs. I love that! You are so funny. And for me, there is no such thing as too far! Pretty much because I myself often go waaay too far! P.S. My husband has also said that to me. It's true, but I can't help it!Reply
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5 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 7:52 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 7:21 amI always wanted to start a series of blog post called "I'm that asshole who . . ." But I feared I'd be alone airing my tales of assholery. Like, "I hated that man who cut me off in the parking lot at Target until I realized he was having a seizure at the wheel. Epileptics get all the good parking spots." * Now I know I'm not alone, friend. I hope next time bitchy pants doesn't hide behind her supposed "hearing problems" and gives you a hey howdy. * My dad was an epileptic, so I'm totes allowed to make fun of seizure disorders. It's in the handbook.Reply
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4 replies, Last reply by Sandra on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm
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Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 9:34 pm
Ah Iris, I love this post. It's chock full of poignancy, despite the vaginal itching.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Peabee on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 9:55 amThis is brilliant. Reminds me of when people used to ask me why my mum was so ignorant - until I told them she was deaf!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm
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Report Thu Jan 26, 2012 - 12:17 pmI used to run a small recycling charity, supplying second-hand furniture to people in need. One day we had a quiet young African man referred to us for furniture. He chose what he needed, and booked a delivery date. He wasn't in when we turned up to deliver his stuff. His referrers told us he was ill, so we booked a second date for delivery. When he wasn't there on that second delivery date we were livid, cursing about wasting our volunteers precious time, using petrol that the charity could ill afford, and even murmurings about foreigners coming to our country and abusing the system. We never did get to deliver that furniture to him - he died, due to the torture he had received in his home country - before we ever could.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm
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Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 9:51 am
I have a kill with kindness strategy. It definitely works. Fab post Doyenne xxxReply -
2 replies, Last reply by Clare Macnaughton on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 10:01 am
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 6:30 pmI love you Iris. I tried to teach my kids this when they were in elementary school. Be kind no matter what, you don't know what people are going through.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by allysgrandma on Thu Jan 26, 2012 at 1:56 am
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 9:51 pmOMG...laughing so hard the other people at work probably think I've lost it! I love all of it; especially the husband snoring like a freight train-I have one of those at home myself...and maybe that's why she has hearing aids:)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 11:05 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 10:28 pmYou are fabulous. You also owe me a new iPhone because I sprayed Coke Zero out of my mouth when I read the last line. Husband called a few minutes later and I could only hear him on speakerphone. Hopefully it will dry out like it did last time after my son spilled milk all over it.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 6:28 pmIRIS! Magnificent. I treasure how transparent you are. I just spoke at a mom's deal last week and opened with "I do not know why I keep getting up here and sharing my mistakes with you, hope it is helping y'all!" You do the same value, sharing your raw experience to the benefit of us masses. I heart you. And nothing itches over here, FYI.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 6:35 pmI think you covered the entire gamut of reasons for having a bad day. With my first child, I always felt less than the others and excluded. Now that I have three kids, I really make an effort to make every mom feel included in a conversation. Expect for the ones with facial fair.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 9:16 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 6:01 amOh Iris. You're good. And funny. And talented. And all the things I wish I could be but haven't the guts to get out there and blog. Though the Powder Room seems a fairly safe place to let it all hang out. As to your non responsive deaf woman, my husband is one of those who is in denial about his deafness. Says it's ear wax. One of his lodge brothers gave him the cold shoulder for a couple of months because R ignored him when he said hello, simply because he didn't hear him.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 5:13 amYou are so funny!!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm
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Report Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 12:53 amWe first moved this area, I told my husband & kids my goal is talk to one person a day when I am out. I may still only have one good friend a year later, but I made loads of acquaintances. And only a few people have looked at my like I'm certifiable. But I do remember the Preschool pick-up line was toughReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 11:42 pmSigh. I love you. That's all.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm
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Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 9:22 pm
Actually almost wet myself laughing reading this. Proper laughed out loud almost waking the sleeping pre-schoolers. Absolutely bloody hilarious. I'm reading it again, just for laughs. Especially the itching. (feel bad about the hearing aids though). Am Facebook sharing RIGHT NOW!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 8:01 pmMuch can be accomplished by only a simple smile (and a tap on the shoulder) :)Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 6:15 pmGood night, I was about to get all teared up, then with the "maybe she hasn't slept well in 12 years because her husband snores like a fucking freight train." You are a mistress of the English language. Wait, did that come out right?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 4:13 pmIris? You? Complete me. (Too much?) Ok, lemme try again....Iris? You? Rock my Merona socks off.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm
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Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 3:33 pm
Bless her heart!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 3:14 pmOne never knows, does one. And then there is the male person who DOESN'T HEAR WELL even though he doesn't wear hearing aids. You are very thoughtful...in a kind sort of way.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:38 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 3:06 pmAw, this was great! Amazing, really. Just like yourself and all of us trying to get the through this life.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:38 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 2:41 pmI love you. Like, lots. It all started right around moderate vaginal itching. Total love.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:37 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 2:24 pmLoved it! laughed and cried!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 1:56 pmI LOVE YOU! #thatisallReply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:30 pm
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Report Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 1:25 pmYou are the best. I think we have all been here... good job turning off those pesky demons and staying positive.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Wed Jan 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm
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