Shit I hate about movies
My partner hates the fact that, in the movies, people are always ordering drinks in bars and then leaving the bar without taking even one sip, let alone finishing the drink. Such a waste of perfectly good alcohol affronts his Irish sensibilities.
I, too, get annoyed by all kinds of shit in movies. For example:
1. Computer shit. In the movies, all someone has to do is shout "Hack into the mainframe!" and another person will jump on some random computer and go "tap-tap-tap-tap" and then be all "I'm in!" Whenever *I* jump onto any computer other than my own, it's like all my fingers have become thumbs. I'm like, "Whoops, I've accidentally hit the ALL CAPS key!" and "Where's the pound sign?" Then I'm all "Ugh, they're using Internet Explorer. Hang on, I'm downloading the latest version of Chrome... And seriously, who the fuck has their screen resolution set to 640 by 480 any more? What is this, 1996? Look, I'm just going to change these control settings and, while I'm at it, I'm going to sort out the mouse speed..." (Please note: the same gripe applies to characters who can just jump behind the wheel of any old car without first having to adjust the position of the driver's seat or the wing mirrors).
2. Theatre shit. For some reason, whenever there is a play within a movie, the actors on the stage end up doing or saying things in a manner which no-one--I repeat: NO-ONE--past the front two rows of the theatre would be able to see or hear. All I can say is there must be a lot of angry people lining up for refunds after these so-called "plays."
3. Shaving cream shit. In the movies, men are forever answering the telephone with shaving cream on their faces. What the fuck.
4. Explosion shit. Most movie characters have a superhuman ability to outrun explosions of all varieties. For the record, I can't even outrun my own farts.
5. No shit (or sleep or food for that matter). Action movie characters--much like mothers of newborns--have to go for days with getting a chance to eat, shit or sleep. Action movie characters--unlike mothers of newborns--are still able to reload a semi-automatic weapon while simultaneously changing lanes on a busy freeway in a random car without having adjusted the wing mirrors. A mother of a newborn would at least have to stop to adjust the wing mirror, if just for safety reasons.
What movie shit do you hate?
The formerly fashionable NDM had three children and discovered that brown is the new black the hard way. The force behind the critically acclaimed once-was-blog Not Drowning, Mothering, she now very occasionally writes for the sometimes-blog Queen NDM, The Best. In her spare time, she enjoys baking cakes, cyber-hassling advertising executives and collecting digital photos of unusual objects made out of paperclips. She's occasionally on Twitter (@TheNDM) and Facebook as well.