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Birthday parties for grown-ups
Nothing makes me want to bitch slap a whiner faster than hearing someone complain that it's her birthday.
Buck up and blow out an accurate number of candles, you asshat: do you know how lucky you are to even be here to moan and groan about your age?
I wake up every single January 8th thankful to be one year older, and hell-bent on celebrating the crap out of my birthday.
My festivities begin with something special for breakfast, then I nip out to treat myself to a couple new books to read, accept whatever adorable card my mom sends me, relish in the attention my kids lavish upon me in the form of overly-wet kisses and indecipherable homemade gifts, and gather my girlfriends around me for dinner.
Some have suggested that I over-do my birthday celebrations.
I respectfully disagree.
Why should kids get all the parties and gifts? Why shouldn't we grown-ups whoop it up in party hats and ice cream?
Here are a few reasons behind why I think all of us adults should be more generous to ourselves on the anniversary of our births:
1. Cake. Why wouldn't you accept a very valid excuse to eat it?
2. We're old enough to substitute martinis for cake at our birthday parties. Or have both. (Isn't it awesome being a grown-up??)
3. Screw playing Simon Says or Pass the Parcel, we can go dancing!
4. Every single friggin' day of a kid's life is a party, and yet those selfish bastards still get to party in a bouncy castle or bowling alley with thirty of their classmates just because they turned seven. Why can't we just have one of those days every year?
5. I watch enough news programming to realize how lucky I am to survive a trip to the corner store and back. Making it another 365 days and still be standing is worthy of a few balloons and streamers.
6. Did I mention cake yet?
7. The only alternative to having birthdays is to not have birthdays. I hear being dead is quite a drag, so I'll stick with the ‘Having Birthdays' program, ThankYouVeryMuch.
8. People will give you presents. ‘Nuff said.
So the next time your special day comes around, instead of grimacing and saying you're "39...again," I encourage you to fill your office with balloons, get your best friends to meet you for lunch, and savor each and every Happy Birthday hug that comes your way.
Heck, you could even rent out the bouncy-castle place for a few hours, and set up a real bar instead of a pizza bar. Now that would be a party.
And if you need someone to help you finish off that cake? I know just the girl to call...
Comments (16)
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Report Sat Mar 2, 2013 - 3:12 pmThere's a whole variety of tape extensions hair reasons as to why women straight brazilian weave decide to wear real hair wigs or hair pieces. Perhaps they have lost their hair following stick tip human hair extensions chemotherapy or they suffer from alopecia sparkly hair extensions, or simply they just like to occasionally change their overall style stick tip hair extensions and appearance.Reply -
Report Sat Jan 12, 2013 - 3:31 amKim! My birthday is January 8, too! Woot, woot! Happy birthday! :)Reply
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Sat Jan 12, 2013 - 1:06 am
BRAVO! I love this! My birthday is tomorrow and I plan on rocking my 41 candles! (In my robe, on my couch, with lots of cake!)Reply -
Report Fri Jan 11, 2013 - 1:52 amThank you for giving me a new perspective on birthdays. Mine is fast approaching (time really DOES move faster when you get older!) and I will cherish every moment of it this year thanks to you.Reply
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Wed Jan 9, 2013 - 3:57 am
Woo hoo! I'm with you! Happy Birthday and enjoy your martini cake.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:19 am
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Tue Jan 8, 2013 - 11:34 pm
Happy birthday Kim. Hope you have a fabulous day. Have an extra piece of cake and, as my gift to you, I'll absorb the calories.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:19 am
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Tue Jan 8, 2013 - 8:49 pm
Happy BIrthday. I couldn't agree more!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:19 am
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Report Tue Jan 8, 2013 - 8:38 pmI'll admit that even though I'm eternally grateful to be alive each year, I'm one of those who doesn't like her own birthday. Maybe it's because I don't like cake? (GASP!) It usually ends up being another day at work and then something low-key until I stop to my mom's and she still has her whole house decorated for me like she's done since I was a kid. I have to admit that I like that, but only because it's just us. However, I LOVE celebrating other people's birthdays and if we lived closer, I would totally bring over cake. And liquor. Remember--I don't like cake, so it's an accurate substitution. Happy Birthday!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:18 am
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Tue Jan 8, 2013 - 6:10 pm
I flamin' LOVE birthdays! I love getting gifts, a free shot of tequila at the local Mexican restaurant, and being waited on all day long! I have a friend who's mother (in her 70's) celebrates her birthday every month on the 14th, because when you're in your 70's you can do that. I intend to do that, too.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:17 am
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Tue Jan 8, 2013 - 5:58 pm
Happy Birthday Kim! Just had one myself. (fortyfuckingninethankyouverymuch) Cake?Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Kim Bongiorno on Wed Jan 9, 2013 at 4:17 am
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