Jul 03

Some women CAN have it all

Comments (52) by Leslie Marinelli July 03, 2012 - 6:01 AM

So Cherie Blair, wife of the former British Prime Minister, is telling women of the UK that "Yummy mummies" who give up work and "put all their effort into their children" are making a "dangerous" mistake.

At the same time, Anne-Marie Slaughter, the first female Director of Policy and Planning in the US State Department who left her high powered government job to spend more time with her two boys, is waxing poetic about "Why Women Still Can't Have It All." 

And all of this is happening right on the heels of that ridiculous TIME Magazine cover last month asking us all if we are "Mom Enough" to breast-feed our children until they are old enough to ask for a double shot of espresso with that frothed milk.

And all I have to say about this latest siege in the omnipresent Mommy Wars is: really?

Bitches, please. Can't we all just get along? Every woman I know chooses what's best for her unique situation. There is no one right way to do this crazy thing called Life. In other words, you say tomato, I say vagina. Live and let live, ladies!

And what the hell are you talking about, Anne-Marie? I totally have it all.

For starters, I'm hot. In fact, in some cultures where a woman's beauty is measured by the length of her breast or the fullness of her beard, I'm practically a deity.

I also have 9 toenails. That's 9 out of 10, or 90%. If I was in school, that would be an "A." In other words, WINNING! Duh.

I have a supportive husband and a good marriage. Well, as good as a marriage can be given my corpse-like libido and flatulence issue.

I have two beautiful kids, one of each....(one good, one bad). Oh wait, I have three kids. I keep forgetting about that third one. He just showed up one day. I probably shouldn't have fed him, but I did and ​now he won't leave. See? I'm charitable too.

I have a rescued dog who loves me like his life depended on it, probably because his life does depend on it. And I have a gorgeous cat who lets me touch her once in a while and who hardly ever pisses in my laundry basket of clean clothes. As far as cats go? We're talking superstar, people.

I also have a burgeoning career as a blogger. Sure, there are children in Kathie Lee Gifford's sweatshops who make more money per hour than I do, but in terms of influence? I mean, hello! Has Anne-Marie Slaughter ever been asked to autograph a woman's boob at a blog conference? I'm guessing NO.

I have a beautiful home. Particularly if you believe all those cheesy hand painted wooden signs on Pinterest that say things like "Pardon the mess, we're making memories!" And by "mess," of course I mean fossilized boy-urine in the grooves of my wainscoting and by "memories," the tears shed from an over-enthusiastic round of "Smell My Finger" that ends in domestic violence

I'm also rich. Maybe not in cash or things I can hawk on Pawn Stars, but I'm rich in things like friends. Okay fine, maybe not real-life friends, but I have people in my virtual life who tag me in funny pictures on Facebook, like all the time, okay? That counts for something, I'm certain of it.

And I'm a contributing member of my community. (We're still talking about Facebook right? Because my eCards and ERMAGHERD meme comments are fucking awesome.)

I could go on and on, but I don't like to brag.

So ladies, let's try to keep the Mommy Wars at bay and stop judging each other. Do what's right for you and your family and tell everyone else to suck it. The end.

by Leslie Marinelli July 03, 2012 - 6:01 AM

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Comments (52)

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  • Report Sat Jul 21, 2012 - 10:51 pm
    Can I still send you some lurve even though I'm late to the party? I was busy, trying to get my kids to fashion me a paper mache replacement toenail. I'd like to send it to you for your autograph, if you don't mind, since I can't send my boobs.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 12:28 am
    You had me at "fossilized boy-urine."
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:22 pm
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 8:13 pm
    @Alicia @ Naps Happen: Seriously girl - my powder room smells like a truck stop men's room (just guessing...I have never personally put my face, or any body part really, in a truck stop men's room...as far as I know.)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 8:18 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: I RUE THE DAY that I chose hardwood floors for my powder room on the main floor. RUE the day.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 8:22 pm
    @Alicia @Naps Happen: Haha! You should do a high-gloss varnish coat on the hardwood floor in a target pattern around the toilet. I rue the day I chose beautiful white and black retro tiles for my powder room. That grout is so gross now! ICK!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:59 am
    by  Daryce
    Way to go Iris!!!!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 8:14 pm
    @Daryce: Thank you Daryce! :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:05 pm
    by  Kristen
    9 out of 10? Lucky bitch! I've been for pedicures where the ladies giggle and point at my poor little toes that don't have real nails. It's a sad life I live.
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Sun Jul 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:50 pm
    @Kristen: Those ladies aren't giggling about your missing toe nails. They're giggling about your ankle hair and foot odor.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 10:36 pm
    by  Kristen
    @Leslie Marinelli: Good point! But at least I remembered to shave my toes in advance! :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Sun Jul 8, 2012 - 8:14 pm
    @Kristen: So important! Never underestimate the value of a clean-shaven big toe.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 3:58 am
    by  January
    And this right here? Is why you rule.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Thu Jul 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm
  • Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 3:56 pm
    @January: Oh Lawdy, if that were only true. (I am wearing a crown and holding a scepter just in case.)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 5:44 am
    Oh, Iris. You make me giggle. Thanks for that. :-)
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Thu Jul 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm
  • Report Thu Jul 5, 2012 - 3:54 pm
    @JD @ Honest Mom: Thanks JD! I lurve giggles!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:20 pm
    Am I the only one who has 10 out of 10 functioning toe nails? I may have to look into fetish work. PS Mommy wars can suck it for sure.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:48 pm
    @The Suniverse: You have all 10 toes? Bragger.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 10:53 pm
    by  Mary
    Love your piece. The Mommy wars can really suck up a lot of time and angst. Not only do we need to let people be who they are we also might want to stop competing with men. And sometimes the wars between moms and childless women can be damn ruthless too. You crack me up, by the way. I needed that.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:48 pm
    @Mary: Thank you Mary! Amen to ending the infighting among women of various groups. Can't we all just get along?!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 11:08 pm
    by  Mary
    Thought you'd be interested in this follow up. Really like the idea of getting rid of the term "Mommy Wars" altogether. Enjoy! http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/
    Reply Delete
  • 2 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:47 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 11:50 pm
    by  lhewitt
    @Mary: Thanks.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:47 pm
    @Mary: Thanks Mary - I'll check it out. I hate that term too. I hate the word "Mommy" all together, as in "Mommy Bloggers." It is so pejorative.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:08 am
    Oh, Lawd. You youngsters just need to get over it! Sook, you're going to be where I am: thinking "Hey! If I just work until I'm 72, I can make up for all those years I stayed at home and putzed around and I'll get A THOUSAND BUCKS A MONTH, which will be approximately one-third of my mortgage!" What we really need to do--all of us--is GANG UP ON THE MEN and let THEM stay at home and raise the kids and we all just TAKE OVER! Why? Because we are so much better equipped to run stuff. If you can be a second grade class mother? You can do anything! Yep. Let's quit fighting amongst ourselves (I hate the word "amongst," btw, but it seem appropriate here) and band together. We'll show these guys how to run a few things.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:45 pm
    @Kirby Carespodi: Aw HAYLE yes, Kirby! I will totally follow you into battle, sister. Let me just find a pair of shoes that hide my bad toe first...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 4:20 pm
    by  Liz Dawes
    I just laughed so hard I swear a tiny bit of wee came out. As you were.
    Reply Delete
  • 3 replies, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:18 pm
    @Liz Dawes: Just a tiny bit? Back to the drawing board...
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:27 am
    @Leslie Marinelli: Huh. I have to go get the Tena Extra before I read your posts. The mini pads are totally inadequate.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:43 pm
    @Shirls2012: THREE CHEERS FOR URINE ABSORPTION PADS! (Note to self...I need to contact that company for potential partnership.)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 12:55 am
    by  Peg
    Another happy Tuesday in the Powder Room. So much fun to read your blog, always at least one laugh out loud moment. Thanks!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 5:41 pm
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 5:41 pm
    @Peg: Thanks, Peg! My pleasure. :)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:44 pm
    And this is why I plan on smothering you with Woverine kisses when we finally get to meet face-to-face next month. Once that happens, *I* will Have It All.
    Reply Delete
  • 2 replies, Last reply by Kim at Let Me Start By Saying on Wed Jul 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:57 pm
    @Kim at Let Me Start By Saying: YES PLEASE ON THE WOLVERINE KISSES!!! We will have to be careful that our beards don't get tangled.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 4:54 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: But of they do? I'm totally using that as a photo op for a new avatar.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 2:14 am
    by  Jean Deaux
    Go get 'em! Too many folks trying to get you involved in THEIR agenda. What's more important to discuss is that missing toenail. Should we send out a search party? Do you have a photo? Should we post on Facebook with the "Have you seen me" caption. And the most important question............is there a reward for finding the wayward toenail?
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:23 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 9:23 pm
    @Jean Deaux: Hahaha! Oh Lordy hon, whatever you do, DO NOT go looking for my missing toenail. I would post a picture, but it is seriously so ugly that I don't want to destroy the hearts of my two male fans who check in regularly for photos of my feet. (True story.) I want them to remember my feet the way they were. (Cue the Streisand tune.)
    Reply Delete
  • Report Wed Jul 4, 2012 - 2:09 am
    by  Crystal
    I also have 9 out of ten toenails but I never put quite the spin on it that you did. People will be so pleased with my new outlook I think.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 9:21 pm
    @Crystal: Life is so much more pleasant when we look for the positive, don't you think?
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 7:20 pm
    Amen!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 9:20 pm
    @Janie Emaus: Hallelujah!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 6:51 pm
    by  Jane
    At first I thought you were going to go head on with these Mommies- but of course you did with your own hilarious twist. Thanks!! I wonder if Anne-Marie will read this?!!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 9:20 pm
    @Jane: Wouldn't that be awesome?! Not to demean or make light of her truly awesome and intelligent 17,000 word Atlantic magazine spread (TEN PAGES, omg!), but I really needed to lighten up this sucker. Thanks for getting my drift, sister!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 6:18 pm
    by  lhewitt
    I disagree - What are you - crazy or something??? This is a SERIOUS SITUATION!!!! Why are being all funny and making me spit coffee???? WTF happened to your toenail?!?!?!?! MUAH.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 9:16 pm
    @lhewitt: Yes, batshit crazy, guilty as charged. I took up running for a minute there and my toenail decided to protest by staying home and playing Wii instead. MUAH!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:52 pm
    I know when I read your post, my mood is sure to be lifted! LOVE IT!
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 5:58 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:58 pm
    @Cozzis Corner: Hurrah! My work is done here. Carry on.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:05 pm
    LOVE this!!! Damn, I guess I have it all too then. And I love how you said one your page "These all suck to some degree, if we’re honest". SO.VERY.TRUE.
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 5:09 pm
    @Katie@SomewhatSaneMom: Thanks Love! I'm honest to a fault. It gets me into a lot of trouble.
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 2:00 pm
    LOL I love this post - it brought a big smile to my face! I wrote a post about how mums needed to 'Stand in each others shoes' before slagging each other off and got absolutely slated for it LMAO!! there were people all over the place writing about me (obviously not talking to me or reading my post though!). But I will not be deterred, I'm coming out with my frying pan next time and hitting them all over the heads with it - that'll work ;o) I don't know why people think that anyone can 'Have it all' - in fact I've been so irritated by people using that daft statement, I'm going off to have a jolly good rant on my blog now
    Reply Delete
  • 2 replies, Last reply by Mummy Whisperer on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 3:47 pm
    @Mummy Whisperer: Thanks MW! Yes, as I starred at my blank computer screen trying to decide how to write about the Mommy Wars (our theme for the whole week!), I knew I would be raked across the hot coals if I did anything but made fun of MYSELF. I totally agree with you - that "stand in each other's shoes" philosophy applies so often in our lives! We are so quick to judge each other though and spout off, especially on the Internet. You go - rant away! Can't wait to read it!
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 4:52 pm
    @Leslie Marinelli: Here it is lovely - just realised I didn't give you a plug for inspiring me or the lovely @Clare - so will add both your posts at the bottom. http://mummywhispererblog.com/2012/07/can-mums-have-it-all/
    Reply Delete
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 3:32 pm
    Fuck you Iris! Get in that board room bitch and stop being so godman funny and clever - no-one likes a smart arse. Public announcement *sarcarsm alert!*
    Reply Delete
  • 1 reply, Last reply by Leslie Marinelli on Tue Jul 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm
  • Report Tue Jul 3, 2012 - 3:48 pm
    @Clare Macnaughton: SUCK IT, Clare. (XO)
    Reply Delete

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