Quiz: Should I go camping?
I recently had the opportunity to attend a weekend camp-out with my daughter's scout troop and their families.
Camping is not for everyone. Here's a helpful quiz to assist you in deciding if you should go...
My gut reaction to the idea of camping with other people's children is:
a.) Yay! Can we eat S'mores and sing campfire songs?
b.) Ooooh, gosh, I don't know about this. Which children, exactly?
c.) Can't. It's a violation of my restraining order.
d.) Aw, hell to the no.
When I see a bug, I...
a.) Pick it up and let it crawl over my hands while I take copious notes about its habitat and the shape of its thorax.
b.) Calmly move away.
c.) Squish it while shouting, "Prepare to meet your maker, motherfucker."
d.) Scream like a banshee and jump up onto a table.
The idea of going without makeup for 48 hours makes me feel...
a.) Curious...what is this makeup of which you speak?
b.) Slightly uncomfortable.
c.) Motivated to finish sewing a suit made from women's hides.
I would rather _______________ than sleep on the ground.
a.) Sleep in a tent
b.) Sleep in a 5 star hotel
c.) Do what the voices tell me
d.) Lick a subway hand-rail
A morning away from my Keurig is:
a.) Huh? What's a Keurig?
b.) Fine, as long as someone brings some instant Folgers or Diet Coke.
c.) Who? Never heard of her. But I once cut a bitch for touching my cheese danish, if you know what I mean.
d.) Out of the question.
I can poop...
a.) Anywhere, anytime...in fact I'm pooping right now.
b.) Almost anywhere, but I prefer my own toilet.
c.) Because pooping is fun. Smearing poop is even more fun. I like you.
d.) Shut your filthy mouth, harlot. My bowel habits are none of your beeswax.
I can go without alcohol...
a.) Forever! Fresh air and stars are my happy juice.
b.) If I have to, but not for more than 48 hours. Do Jello shots count?
c.) As long as I have bath salts and/or horse tranquilizers.
d.) All morning, but then I'll be serving Mojitos and Buttery Nipples shots out of the trunk of my car.
Alrighty then, let's see how you did...
If you picked mostly:
a.) You are a natural. Go; you'll have a blast!
b.) Go ahead, but make sure there are some very experienced campers going too.
c.) Does the asylum know you've escaped?
d.) You will die a violent death on a camp-out with other people's kids. Definitely stay home.