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The day my daughter found the rabbit
It has been so long since I saw my vibrator that I wasn't sure I still owned one.
Don't get me wrong; it's not like we were once embroiled in a cunning game of Hide and Seek and my vibrator won and was never found because it lacked the linguistic skills to call out ‘alley alley alley, here I am.'
It's just one day I realised that I didn't know where it was.
Whilst my vibrator has been AWOL I have found other ways to pass my time:
* I am having a passionate affair with my Kindle
* I have learnt how to make soup
* And, on occasion, usually after a curry and half a bottle of gin, I have sex with my husband.
I have not missed my pink bunny. It has become like the squeaky penguin in Toy Story; left alone to rot on a musty shelf.
That is until....
My six year old daughter found it...
I heard the whirring before I heard the barrage of questions. It was the unmistakable noise of a hundred pearly balls bouncing and crashing against each other in tightly restrictive latex coupled with the fierce hum of vibrating rabbit ears.
I opened the door to my bedroom and saw my daughter; adorned in head to toe in all my jewellery from 1990 to now, including neon clip on earrings, several Madonna style black pearls wrapped round her neck and a Tie Rack red and white scarf tied Rambo style on her head.
The remaining contents of my 'crap' drawer were strewn across the floor and in her hand was a great big, bright pink, bloody Rampant Rabbit.
"What's this mummy?" She questioned with a look of intrigue in her eyes.
She started to raise the 'ears' to her nose with a sniffing expression. "Is it a nose tickler?" She queried whilst the tips buzzed furiously close to her nostrils.
In response I reached out and batted her hand away before something that had once tickled my fancy ventured up her bogey holder.
"It's a, it's a...." I stumbled
"It's very pretty," commented my child watching mesmerized as the bell end swirled round and round in a captivating fashion.
"It's a, it's a..." I continued intelligently
"Is it yours mummy?" She continued.
I saw my chance, I leapt at it with both hands and hugged it to me.
"No darling, it's your fathers,"
A look of knowing crossed over my daughters face and she grinned at me, "I thought it might be because it does look like his willy doesn't it? Maybe it's his willy's best friend."
In his dreams...
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Comments (45)
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Report Sun Mar 17, 2013 - 2:04 pmIn addition to full head thick human hair clip in extensions, there are various hair pieces for women in the thick hair extensions clip in. Many women like to choose thick hair extensions cheap, ponytails or extensions to complement their natural thick clip in human hair extensions colour, as a way to change their look for a particular event or just a style change. Hair pieces can be short or long thick clip in hair extensions, and can be manufactured using either synthetic or human hair.Reply -
Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 2:02 amHeh heh heh. Willys best friend!Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by cheap toll free numbers on Fri Aug 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm
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Report Sat Jul 21, 2012 - 2:43 amSo funny!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 25, 2012 at 11:19 pm
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Report Thu Jul 19, 2012 - 10:17 pmLordy, Jane...that's hilarious! Hop little bunnies...Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 25, 2012 at 11:18 pm
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Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 10:13 pmExcellent thinking on your feet and I am amazed that she made that connection. But a nose tickler- that's the best part of the story!!!Reply
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Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 12:54 amThat is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time and I really could visualise the scene too! Brilliant xReply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 2:11 am
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Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 1:06 amCould you tell me privately: does every red-blooded woman own one of these? And why did noone tell me?Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 2:11 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 8:47 pmHoly hilarious! My bestie walked in on her young daughter's massaging each other's back with her "rabbit"! My so called bestie immediately threw me under the bus saying, "That is Mrs. Rossow's back massager - do not touch THAT!" This is so coming out in therapy someday.Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 2:10 am
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Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 1:30 amBrilliant! May have to come up with a hiding place better than under the bed!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 2:10 am
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Report Wed Jul 18, 2012 - 1:07 amGoodness me. Almost woke the baby laughing. Thinking I might need to give a thought to where we keep such things...Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 1:09 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 2:00 pmIf mine looked like a Rabbit I'd be heading to the doctors... :-)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:55 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 5:36 pmLMAO! That is the funniest thing I've read in ages.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:54 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 6:20 pmOh man, my kids found one of mine many years ago, just a plain silver bullet-type. They were using it as a microphone. Luckily they never asked questions, and after their 'concert' I just hit it in a much better place.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:54 am
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Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 6:43 pm
LOL! My stepson found mine once. His response to holding it was "phew" as he held his nose.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:54 am
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Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 7:30 pm
This is my worst nightmare!!! We need a room of pain with a key code.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:54 am
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Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 7:30 pm
Oh, I love this, alot. Well played.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:54 am
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Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 5:05 pm
And then I laugh so hard, I actually cry. Vibrators and penises aren't BFFs. They're more like second cousins forced to attend the same family functions, and look rather similar, but truly have nothing else in common to discuss during dinner.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:53 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 10:05 pmFANTASTIC post! You can guarantee that when you least expect it, your daughter is going to tell someone about "Daddy's willy's best friend." Will it be your mother-in-law? A checker at the grocery store? Her teacher at school? I'm dying to know.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Wed Jul 18, 2012 at 12:50 am
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 11:46 amWell, that made me spit my coffee out...so so funny and can just feel the moment!! Brilliant post!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm
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Report Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 11:58 amAbsolutely bloody hilarious! Think I may have laughed a little bit more at the gin and curry comment ;-)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by northernmum on Tue Jul 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm
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