The day my daughter found the rabbit
It has been so long since I saw my vibrator that I wasn't sure I still owned one.
Don't get me wrong; it's not like we were once embroiled in a cunning game of Hide and Seek and my vibrator won and was never found because it lacked the linguistic skills to call out ‘alley alley alley, here I am.'
It's just one day I realised that I didn't know where it was.
Whilst my vibrator has been AWOL I have found other ways to pass my time:
* I am having a passionate affair with my Kindle
* I have learnt how to make soup
* And, on occasion, usually after a curry and half a bottle of gin, I have sex with my husband.
I have not missed my pink bunny. It has become like the squeaky penguin in Toy Story; left alone to rot on a musty shelf.
That is until....
My six year old daughter found it...
I heard the whirring before I heard the barrage of questions. It was the unmistakable noise of a hundred pearly balls bouncing and crashing against each other in tightly restrictive latex coupled with the fierce hum of vibrating rabbit ears.
I opened the door to my bedroom and saw my daughter; adorned in head to toe in all my jewellery from 1990 to now, including neon clip on earrings, several Madonna style black pearls wrapped round her neck and a Tie Rack red and white scarf tied Rambo style on her head.
The remaining contents of my 'crap' drawer were strewn across the floor and in her hand was a great big, bright pink, bloody Rampant Rabbit.
"What's this mummy?" She questioned with a look of intrigue in her eyes.
She started to raise the 'ears' to her nose with a sniffing expression. "Is it a nose tickler?" She queried whilst the tips buzzed furiously close to her nostrils.
In response I reached out and batted her hand away before something that had once tickled my fancy ventured up her bogey holder.
"It's a, it's a...." I stumbled
"It's very pretty," commented my child watching mesmerized as the bell end swirled round and round in a captivating fashion.
"It's a, it's a..." I continued intelligently
"Is it yours mummy?" She continued.
I saw my chance, I leapt at it with both hands and hugged it to me.
"No darling, it's your fathers,"
A look of knowing crossed over my daughters face and she grinned at me, "I thought it might be because it does look like his willy doesn't it? Maybe it's his willy's best friend."
In his dreams...