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Putting the mother first
Dear Regular Guy,
As Oprah once said, "When a woman has a baby, she is a mother first and a wife second. A man will always be a husband first and a father second." It seems to me that men just know how to make things easy for themselves by keeping their wife sweet - what do you say?
Uley Girl, http://uleygirl.blogspot.com
Dear Uley Girl,
I say you are nearly right.
Suggesting that becoming a father doesn't change a man's priorities is rubbish. No human can block out the raw, emotionally encompassing weight that becoming a parent presses onto your shoulders. Everything changes.
Everything.
There is no father who is the same man he was when he was merely a husband or partner. No man can just carry on regardless once he has children, never shifting his priorities away from those he already had.
Okay - perhaps there are some males who can do this, but no men - there is a difference.
Oprah was wrong. Everything refocuses for men too. We are a father first; absolutely. When you look into your baby's eyes for that first time there is no going back. We're a ‘Dad' now, and that's all there is to it. Once you have held your new-born child, there is nothing that that will ever come between you.
Remember I am talking about men here - not dick-heads.
However, when you say that we appear to be a husband first, in order to keep our wives sweet, you're absolutely right.
I was present at two births and I can honestly say this. I will NEVER be able look at my wife in the same way again. What she endured. What she did. The pain she felt. The months of discomfort before, and the nights of sleepless agony afterwards. The eternity of the damage to her body that she now must live with. All of these things can be compared with the two minutes of fun (if you include cleaning up) that I put into their creation. I am in awe of her. She is everything. How could I even consider putting myself as her equal when it comes to our children? However you look at it, the simple fact is that my wife is no longer just a woman that I love - she is now a ‘Mum' that I love. A very sexy mum, I might add, but a mum none the less and I love her more now than I ever did.
The inequality of our roles in the creation of life, inevitably leads to an inequality in our roles as parents. I don't think it is old fashioned or sexist to say it - the simple fact is when it comes to passing on empathy and love to children, women do it better; any man worth his salt would be stupid not to see where his bread is buttered and respond to that. Keeping your wife sane, loved, respected, supported and needed as a woman surely helps her stay mentally strong enough to cope with the demands of parenthood? Maybe we don't do enough, maybe we don't do it well, but we absolutely have to try.
Yes I put my wife first - but only because doing so is absolutely the best thing I can possibly do for those two little people who are the centre of my universe.
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Comments (16)
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Tue Feb 7, 2012 - 12:13 pm
WHOA! Beautifully written! Oh my gosh, Glen...you ROCK. Your wife is a lucky lady to have a man who truly appreciates all the sacrifices she made to co-create those two little people...especially the 4 minutes. ;)Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Thu Feb 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm
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Report Thu Feb 9, 2012 - 12:50 pmBeautifully said....you are very caring like most husbands.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Thu Feb 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm
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Report Wed Feb 8, 2012 - 12:45 pmSniff... how emotionall... Wow, your wife is SO lucky!! I'm going to show hubbie and ask if he feels the same... he never says.. again, sniff!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Wed Feb 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm
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Tue Feb 7, 2012 - 7:13 pm
Such an emotional post, makes my heart swell. I love that acknowledge what it's done to our bodies (forever) and love your wife even more as a mum. My husband seems to love me more with each child and I clearly feel that. I struggle with how he can see me as his sexy wife - you've reassured me. This is my favourite line and the most important thing all men should be told at the birth "Keeping your wife sane, loved, respected, supported and needed as a woman". Brilliant post.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Feb 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm
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Tue Feb 7, 2012 - 3:56 pm
Wonderful post, Glen.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Feb 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm
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Tue Feb 7, 2012 - 12:05 pm
Ok I'm crying. M2MReply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Feb 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm
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Tue Feb 7, 2012 - 10:10 am
WOW - TOTALLY fab post The Regular Guy UK - I'll share this with my husband right now .. He is a great husband, a great father - the two change focus as and when required .. I could not ask more of him as a father or a husband. How refreshing to read this from a males perspective - someone who is proud of who they are and the different hats they can they wear tooReply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Regular Guy UK on Tue Feb 7, 2012 at 11:03 am
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