One of the last great divisions between man and woman may have been smashed. Ladies, I can now pee standing up, I kid you not!
You may well remember the public toilet scene in ‘The Full Monty,' where a rather scary female uses a urinal whilst standing, much to the horror of the onlooking men. I have even heard tales of such women, but have always understood it to involve highly unrealistic contortions, that are just not likely unless your name is Madonna.
But let's face it, it's damned inconvenient not being able to just flop it out and pee wherever it takes our fancy. How unfair can life be? But no longer do I have to hover in mid-air, gluteus maximus screaming in protest, as I try to avoid touching a contaminated loo seat with my dainty derriere. Gone are the days of having to hold my nose whilst I lower my drawers, or try hard not to vomit at somebody else's lingering stink.
Assuming I just need a quick tinkle, I now have all the same options as the man in my life, much to his endless entertainment. My husband said tonight ‘Do we really need your little piss thing lying on the vanity next to the toothbrushes?'
My ‘little piss thing' as he fondly calls it, is more commonly known as a P-Style. As it says right on the packet ‘the P-Style is a stand-to-pee device for anytime it's not practical to sit or squat.'
It's made of sturdy plastic, comes in a variety of colors and is easy to carry, clean and use discreetly. Basically it fits snugly over your girly bits, you center it over your urethra, press up firmly, tilt it down slightly, relax and pee.
When I received my P-style, I immediately headed off for a test run, being careful to close the door so I didn't have to cope with the hubby taking the piss! Now, all the positioning up to the big moment is easy to accomplish. A little bit of clothing loosened and re-arrangement will allow positioning without indirect flashing. But the relax and pee bit is a little odd at first for us girls. It just doesn't feel natural to stand up and pee. You can't help worrying you may be about to wet yourself deliberately, so relaxing is not easy.
After about 40 seconds of contemplation I relaxed enough to go with the flow, quite literally, but then I had to ensure I hit the target area and didn't splash. Let's just say it made me a little more understanding of the occasional drip around the loo left by my beloved.
Finally this past weekend we were out in the middle of nowhere, with not a loo to be found and the P-Style in my bag. So I didn't hesitate. Out it came, my jeans were loosened, my panties pulled aside, and relaxing was never an issue. There I stood on a deserted road, peeing downwind in an upright position. It was a moment of pure joyful liberation.
Usually I'd be crouched down in the shelter of the truck, praying fervently that a local cowboy (the real deal, not a dodgy builder) didn't come barreling down the road in his 4-wheel drive, only to spot my snowy white butt on the horizon. I also didn't have to squirm to avoid splashing my shoes or jeans; I could pick my spot and pee in peace, so to speak.
I will never leave home without it again. I may even buy another so I can keep one in my car for emergencies. Toilet paper isn't even essential due to the clever design. Plus it's discreet. Anyone conducting a handbag search wouldn't have a clue as to its real use (although I do still need a convincing cover story). In all seriousness, it may sound utterly crazy but trust me, this is a truly liberating gadget for us girls.
Having said that I have still not allowed the hubby to watch me in action. And it will be a long time before I am as bold as seasoned P-Style users, who do it in public and wait for the inevitable reaction. To me that seems just a wee bit kinky!
I am now eagerly awaiting our first wintry weather, so I can hurry out and fulfill a lifelong dream of peeing my name in fresh snow!