In The Powder Room

Mar 23

Bacon Love

Comments (4) by black lily March 23, 2010 - 7:02 AM

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I once had a roommate. She was a vegetarian. I was not. She got sick at the smell of meat. I did not. However, I DID get sick at the sight and smell of her getting sick at the sight and smell of my meat. You with me?

So, I gave it up. The meat, that is. That's right, I went cold turkey (pardon the pun) for a good two years. Well, alright, at first I would sneak out and have a bit of a burger or smidge of pepperoni and sausage pizza on ‘the outside.' You wouldn't begrudge me that, woudja? But, all that sneaking around got to be too much of a pain in the arse, and those veggie stir frys my broccoli rabe-lovin' roomie whipped up were actually kinda delish when soaked in a couple of buckets of soy sauce. So, after a while, I basically lost my taste for meat (and about 25 pounds in the process).

Everything was going along swimmingly. Until.... one day, roomie had gone away for the weekend and I said to myself - I said, ‘Self. You deserve a little treat. Just a nibble. Ga'on. Get yourself a little piece of meat.' I figured I'd air out the house and destroy any evidence before she returned. Really, what harm could it do? So, I popped to the shops and the first thing I went for, naturally, was bacon. Brought it home. Fried it up. Have never been a vegetarian again! The End.

Girls, get ready to *SQUEAL* or *OINK* or whatever, because this is the part where I tell you where you can go online to find some yummy swine. And, *DOUBLE OINK* I have found a ‘Bacon of The Month' Club. I wouldn't kid about this, ladies. It's a matter of principle.

The Grateful Palate advertises their B.O.T.M. (OMG, I just realized what that acronym actually sounds like and think I may pass out with the joy of it!) Oh, right. Back to the advertisement. If you join the B.O.T.M. Club, here's what you get: A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months. Informative notes on all bacon selections. Discounts on The Grateful Palate bacon products. Bacon Of The Month Club Membership Card. The bacon strip - a monthly bacon comic strip. The Bacon Of The Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen. A little Rubber Toy Pig. One free Bacon Tee-Shirt. A recipe each month. Discounts on wines. And - a pig nose! And, that's not all! Well, yes it is. But, isn't that enough? I mean, what do you want, people?

Stay tuned for more scintillating food porn articles from Black Lily. Next time? The sultry, sexy seduction that is the Sausage Roll! Ooo, wait. Maybe, I'll do kippers. Must run. The frying pan is on.

by black lily March 23, 2010 - 7:02 AM

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  Report Tue Mar 23, 2010 - 7:39 pm

  by  b-nice

  Cool article. Love me some effing bacon! Can't wait for the next one!

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  Report Tue Mar 23, 2010 - 5:36 pm

  by  UK Staff

  Thanks Eleanor - it's fixed now!

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  Report Tue Mar 23, 2010 - 4:59 pm

  by  Eleanor Patrick

  I can't believe I read all of this, slavering at the gills and then find you're in America! Yes, I know - the flag at the top was a clue, but the word bacon simply stole my brain for the duration. What a wonderful website! (btw the url link behind the words The Grateful Palate needs the space taken out of it to make it work.) Great piece!

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  Report Tue Mar 23, 2010 - 10:35 am

  by  Karen

  I love the idea of a comic strip about bacon. And I would secretly covet the pig nose too.

  Reply Delete