I see London, I see France...
Can we take a moment to talk about underwear? Women's undergarments come in a variety of forms--from itty bitty strings that climb to unspeakable places, to giant sucking garments that squeeze from the ribs to the knees, to boy shorts which look ironically sexy on models and like granny panties on the rest of us, and a million of in-between delicates.
They all have one thing in common--general discomfort. We need them to suck us in, to be invisible under our yoga pants and white linen, to look sexy. When we finally decide that comfort is also important, we begin our slow decline which ends in mom jeans and Crocs. And don't even get me started on bras. Demi-cup? Puh-leeze! Let's not mince words. That means half a bra.
THIS IS UNFAIR!
Meanwhile, the other half of humanity gets to choose between comfy loose boxers, comfy supportive briefs, or the comfy hybrid. Nothing goes up their butt cheeks uninvited. Worst part? Just like we're conditioned to think women look sexiest in ridiculously uncomfortable garments, we think men look sexy in these.
Can't we bring back bloomers?
Watch men and women next time you're out and about. Every woman adjusts her shirt, her waistband, and picks a wedgie every time she goes from sitting to standing. No man does any of this ever.
I'd like to start a movement, and I need to get Mark Wahlberg on board. Thongs for men! Spanx came out with a men's line, but it's just undershirts. WTF? Anyone can wear a tight undershirt. I want men to have to struggle out of an oversized rubber band when they've got to go. I want them to have a string trying to floss them in half, completely severing their right from left sides. While we're at it, can we somehow make their jeans less comfortable too? And how about making their t-shirts ride up?
My belief is if we inflict all of this on the less gentle half, the fashion industry would change faster than you can say high rise control top.