Horrendous hostess gifts guaranteed to offend
With the holiday season upon us, many of us will be traveling to stay with family and friends.
God bless us, every one.
I don't often host overnight visitors because with three kids, multiple pets, and all my husband's body hair, we just don't have the room. But a few years back one of my sisters-in-law and her husband stayed with us for a long weekend and gave me a lovely set of soaps and bath salts as a parting hostess gift. (Actual bath salts...not the street drug, unless I used them the wrong way, in which case, shame on me.)
My point is, I loved that gift. It was my sister-in-law's way of saying, "Hey, I know what a pain in the ass it is to properly host another family in your home for 4 days...there are beds to change, sheets and towels to wash, and my husband's toe nail clippings to sweep off your coffee table; so thank you. You are going to need a long soak in a hot bath by the time we leave here, so please allow me to make it an even more pampering experience for you."
That's how it's done, folks.
And it taught me that I had been doing it all wrong!
Hello. My name is Leslie, and I am a recovering Shitty Gift Giver.
Apparently, there is an unspoken rule that you should never, ever, ever give your hostess something she actually needs.
For instance, no matter how many times you've gotten diarrhea from your best friend's "famous" barbeque chicken, giving her a cookbook titled How To Not Give Your Guests Food Poisoning This Time, is a definite no-no.
True story: once, when I was a newlywed, my husband and I were invited to stay the weekend with his long-time friends, a married couple named Stan and Lois. While there, I noticed their guest bathroom shower curtain liner had seen better days, so I lovingly went to the store and bought them a new anti-microbial shower curtain liner, complete with metal grommets so it wouldn't rip from the top (again). As far as shower curtains go? It was awesome. It was the Rolls-Royce of shower curtains.
But as a hostess gift?
You can probably imagine her reaction.
And really, can you blame her?
Whoever coined the phrase, "It's the thought that counts," has obviously never seen a woman receive a new shower curtain as a hostess gift from someone who just used her bathroom.
Hey, it could have been worse. At least I didn't give her a toilet brush and toilet bowl cleaner wrapped together in a festive bow with a CDC pamphlet on the dangers of sitting on a dirty toilet seat.
No, from now on, it's pretty soaps and bath salts from me. Or wine...a drunken hostess probably won't remember my awful manners.Now let's be careful out there folks. May your holidays be merry, warm, and as inoffensive as possible!