Sep 17
 |
When public breastfeeding goes too far
There has been a lot of hullabaloo about breastfeeding lately. TIME Magazine knew what they were doing when they put an attractive, pouty-faced woman breastfeeding her toddler on their cover.
Folks went crazy. From the "breastfeeding is beautiful" crowd to the "I had to scratch out my cornea" crowd, everyone had something to say.
I felt like a loner, hanging out in the "I don't give a shit" crowd.
I had four babies in five years. I was in a lactating coma for six years. No one put me on the cover of a magazine.
I can assure you that my nursing adventures never EVER garnered accusations of "sexualizing breastfeeding"!
My bra size went from a 34B to a 38L.
When the boob buffet closed, I was at a loss.
Truth be told, I still miss it. When I see a nursing mother, I don't think "look at that smokin' hot breast" or "how dare she show her ladies in public!?!?" I sadly think, "I will never breastfeed a baby, again."
Maybe I have breastfeeding PTSD?
That would explain what happened to me at my first blogging conference this summer. I was so nervous that I made a "Top 10 Things NOT To Do At A Conference" list. Apparently, I should have included a #11.
There was a cocktail party the night before the conference started. I was beyond terrified and intimidated and overwhelmed.
These women were the big girl bloggers of bloggers. "Big in the blogosphere" kind of way, not the "big boned" kind of way. I am almost 6 feet tall and I found myself towering over these Polly Pocket sized women.
It was all a blur of introductions and business cards. Before I could say "DIY Blogger" three times, I was being introduced to my favorite blogger. Thee blogger. The holy one.
She was so gracious and kind and humble. I knew that I was smiling like a goon at her and willed myself to speak. For the love of all things holy, SAY SOMETHING!
The admiration society was out in full force. I could hear high praises and lovely compliments flowing freely to this woman.
Just as I thought my face must be permanently frozen in the goon smile, words finally tumbled out of my mouth.
"Well, you are so cute and little! I could just breastfeed you!"
In slow motion, I saw the woman next to me spew wine out her nose. Another horrified bystander stared at me as if I had blown my nose on her shirt.
There was no way to explain that I had breastfeeding PTSD, right?
Finally, I have some words of wisdom about public breastfeeding.
I don't care if you breastfeed or bottle-feed your little darlings.
I don't care how long or how little you feed them.
I don't care if you cover yourself or show yourself.
#11 on my "What NOT To Do At A Conference" list:
Do not offer to breastfeed your esteemed colleagues.
Comments (98)
-
Report Sun Jun 16, 2013 - 5:07 amWho wants a stylus. You have to get em and put em away, and you lose em. Yuck. Nobody wants a stylus.Reply -
Report Fri Jun 7, 2013 - 11:59 amLiked to study your website. I would like to recommend you that traffic show most people study weblogs on Monday. So it should motivate blog writer to create new create ups over the few days mainly.Reply
-
Report Fri Jun 7, 2013 - 11:51 amI must acknowledge you for the information you have shared. I acquisition this information actual advantageous and it has appreciably saved my time.Thanks a lot,Reply
-
Report Fri Jun 7, 2013 - 11:49 amThanks for sharing this useable article - I really increase your acquisition.it is really very informatic post for young people, and hope they will enjoy well after reading this post.Reply
-
Report Sun Oct 7, 2012 - 12:07 amNow, what I heard you say is, "to make women spew wine out their noses, offer to breastfeed them". I WILL be using that. Thanks!Reply
-
3 replies, Last reply by http://rankpage.in on Thu Jun 6, 2013 at 8:36 am
-
Report Thu Jun 6, 2013 - 5:29 amIt took us three years to build the NeXT computer. If we'd given customers what they said they wanted, we'd have built a computer they'd have been happy with a year after we spoke to them - not something they'd want now.Reply
-
Report Wed Jun 5, 2013 - 11:35 amThe silver point in the shoot viral to the massive works in the same look.Reply
-
Report Sat Jun 1, 2013 - 2:36 amthis number one get ranking. Thanks intended for giving this fantastic option connected with studying.Reply
-
Report Fri May 31, 2013 - 6:38 pmYou'll want actually exerted a great deal of work within preserving this number one get ranking. Thanks intended for giving this fantastic option connected with studying.Reply
-
Report Fri May 31, 2013 - 6:36 pmThis comment has been deleted by its author.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by sunglasses for sale on Fri May 31, 2013 at 6:37 pm
-
Report Fri May 31, 2013 - 6:35 pmI’m positive extremely pleased as well as lose moment expecting your blog submit.Reply
-
Report Thu May 30, 2013 - 5:45 amOne secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.Reply
-
Report Thu May 30, 2013 - 4:26 amZest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.Reply
-
Report Wed May 29, 2013 - 1:16 pmThis is actually fascinating facts within this blog site in which to help very happy to the pleasant technological know-how within this blog site. My business is actually respected with this facts within this blog site in which to help very much enjoyed to the fantastic technological know-how within this blog site. It was seeking this pleasant method can be viewed within this blog site in which to help technique of demonstration is basically fantastic. My business is actually many thanks very much to the pleasant facts within this blog site in which make use of this pleasant facts within this blog site.Reply
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 6:28 pmLOL!!! One of the BEST memories of that trip!!Reply
-
3 replies, Last reply by http://www.profitinnovators.com on Tue May 28, 2013 at 7:18 am
-
Report Thu May 23, 2013 - 2:03 pmThe very natural points are always welcome by every one. This is very useful and handy one to share on the floor.Reply
-
Report Thu May 23, 2013 - 9:35 amUseful information shared..I am very happy to read this article..thanks for giving us nice info.Fantastic walk-through. I appreciate this post.I have Bookmark this webpage,I am sure I will visit this place again soon.Thanks for sharingReply
-
Report Thu May 23, 2013 - 7:07 amIssue checked out today matter so we are surprised. We’re attracted to one of these issues. United states appreciate domestic suggestion, and enjoy the effort while in this. Please keep modifying. These are quite a invalu…Reply
-
Report Wed May 22, 2013 - 9:16 amI was guessing if You Could write a little more on this subject? I'd be very grateful if You Could elaborate a little bit more.Reply
-
Report Wed May 22, 2013 - 9:15 amNice post and right to the point. I am not sure if this is actually the best place to ask but do you folks have any ideea where to hire some professional writers? Thanks in advanceReply
-
Report Wed May 22, 2013 - 9:14 amUseful information.I am actual blessed to read this article.thanks for giving us this advantageous information.I acknowledge this post.and I would like bookmark this post.ThanksReply
-
Report Wed May 22, 2013 - 9:13 amWhat a fantastic post ! it was absolutely actual informative.I attending advanced in account added of your assignment post, And accomplish you abiding that i will bookmark your post how ever i can appear a back latter.Reply
-
Report Thu May 16, 2013 - 6:42 pmZest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.Reply
-
Report Tue May 14, 2013 - 6:34 amIt was all a blur of introductions and business cards. Before I could say "DIY Blogger" three times, I was being introduced to my favorite blogger. Thee blogger. The holy one.Reply
-
Report Fri May 10, 2013 - 7:42 pmDon't be jealous to see other doing this..If it happen to you then it is due to your fault too...Reply
-
Report Fri May 10, 2013 - 11:12 amSuccess consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.Reply
-
Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 12:12 amHA! So glad you gave me the head's up--will make sure to keep this on the list of "Things not to do so I can appear socially normal" ;)Reply
-
4 replies, Last reply by Phen375 on Fri May 10, 2013 at 4:05 am
-
Report Wed May 8, 2013 - 3:30 pmYour time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.Reply
-
Report Sun May 5, 2013 - 5:44 pmZest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.Reply
-
Report Wed May 1, 2013 - 7:27 amPretty adequate post. I merely stumbled aloft your web log and basic to say that I acquire extremely enjoyed annual your web log posts. Any methodology i will be able to be subscribing to your augment which i accomplishment you procession another time before long.Reply
-
Report Wed May 1, 2013 - 7:26 amI am really impressed from your immaginative thinking and impressive stated information, i am glad.Reply
-
Report Wed May 1, 2013 - 7:25 amGood article is need to carefully consider everyone out. So we can perceive the charm of language and harvest the rich knowledge.This article is well worth you enjoy.Reply
-
Report Wed May 1, 2013 - 7:24 ami genuinely like your world-wide-web internet site. Its really informative. Goodbye!Reply
-
Report Wed May 1, 2013 - 7:23 amGood work! Your post is an excellent example of why I keep coming back to read your excellent quality contentReply
-
Report Fri Apr 26, 2013 - 5:15 amBottom line is, I didn't return to Apple to make a fortune. I've been very lucky in my life and already have one. When I was 25, my net worth was $100 million or so. I decided then that I wasn't going to let it ruin my life. There's no way you could ever spend it all, and I don't view wealth as something that validates my intelligence.Reply
-
Report Tue Apr 23, 2013 - 12:00 amYour web site provided us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be grateful to you.Reply
-
Report Fri Apr 19, 2013 - 3:28 pmThis post is good enough to make somebody understand this amazing thing, and I'm sure everyone will appreciate this interesting things. A good blog with exciting content, that's what I need. Thank you for keeping this site.Reply
-
Report Fri Apr 19, 2013 - 12:30 pmI need to to thank you for this good read!! I absolutely loved every bit of it. I have you book-marked to check out new things you post…Reply
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 4:17 pmJust read bearded iris's embarrassing moments entry, followed by this. Is it possible to have laughter-induced asthma? I shall never suffer social anxiety ever again. No, instead I shall hide in the corner dribbling with laughter as I think of you both.Reply
-
2 replies, Last reply by new years eve 2013 on Tue Apr 16, 2013 at 10:40 pm
-
Report Thu Feb 28, 2013 - 6:26 pmI must say you clearly explored the subject in savvy style. I love it.Reply
-
Report Thu Jan 17, 2013 - 3:32 amO.M.G.!! That is some of the funniest shit I have ever read!! Thank you for totally brightening my day!! :-DReply
-
Report
Sat Oct 6, 2012 - 4:41 pm
The non-esteemed colleagues are fair game, though.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Sun Oct 7, 2012 at 5:25 am
-
Report Sun Sep 30, 2012 - 11:14 amI've nursed going on my 4th child now and you just made me laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my face!Reply
-
3 replies, Last reply by slot machine gratis on Sat Oct 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm
-
Report Tue Oct 2, 2012 - 2:14 amWhen I had 16, i was really unsure about the whole breastfeeding thing. But she had no problems nursing and neither did I. I loved it. Especially since I am the laziest white woman on the planet and didnt have to make a bottle at 3 am-just roll over, haul her outta the basket, and let her go to town. I agree with ya-I could care less.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Oct 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm
-
Report Tue Oct 2, 2012 - 2:43 amOnce again, you surpass your previous stories. Keep them coming!Reply
-
Report Thu Sep 20, 2012 - 10:10 pmAaaaah! I can't believe you said that! But hey, you're alive to tell the story, and you know what? I bet your "esteemed colleague" will always remember you! Anyway, this post is absolutely hilarious. Best. Breastfeeding. Post. Ever.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Fri Sep 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm
-
Report
Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 11:26 pm
FINALLY! A post about breastfeeding that doesn't make me want to... well, scratch out my corneas! Because this? Was freaking hilarious. And yes, I think all women can agree with this particular stance on breastfeeding.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Thu Sep 20, 2012 at 12:17 am
-
Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 9:47 amOh no she didn't! Are you serious? Oh that is too hysterical! I practically had to force #3 daughter to breastfeed. She wanted to sit up and see what the older girls, ages 6 and 8 were doing. By 7 months she would suck just long enough for the milk to come down, then would sit up....looking around. Crap I knew she was my last. I swore I would breastfeed her until she was 2, but alas it was not to be. I grieved for a while....but then DH never touched my breasts ever when I was breastfeeding.....sooooo.....I went from less than an A cup to a C cup when my first milk came in. I woke up asleep on my stomach day 3 and was like what the hell? I woke up with breasts. I was so excited I was showing everyone. Look mom I have boobs!! Still have them, swing low sweet chariot!Reply
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 8:19 pmI was there for that little bit of comedy gold - it was even funnier in person :) So glad to have met you at the conference, my life is infinitely more humorous with you around.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Wed Sep 19, 2012 at 7:36 am
-
Report Wed Sep 19, 2012 - 2:50 amHoney, you can breast feed me any time. I'm about as tall as you are, though, so it probably won't look as cute as it would with a Polly Pocket girl.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Wed Sep 19, 2012 at 7:34 am
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:09 pmI guess I am a bit warped and my humor is beyond wicked, but that funny! I would have been the one laughing our loud (i would have given real meaning to LOL) when you said that. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:58 am
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 9:40 pmHILARIOUS!!! And now I'm sad that no one has ever offered to breastfeed me.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:57 am
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:21 pmI remember how horrified you were....and it's still FUNNY!!!! All of it!!! We Love You!!!Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:56 am
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 10:31 pmOMG OMG! Who I must know who you said this to? You recovered so well and if they know anything about you (Im sure they do now) they are honored you offered this up! HA!Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:55 am
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 1:32 amI TOTALLY would have said the same flippin' thing! I'm 5'11'' and loom ominously over 9/8 of the population at any given time. I will wait in the longer line just to stand behind some dude who is 6'5" and feel petite for a few minutes. Thanks for sharing your humiliation - it's always heartening to hear of another real person (as in, not a damn reality-TV person) being an ass without any effort at all. Love knowing it's not just me! LOLReply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:53 am
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 1:39 amNow that was funny! Wow, to have been a fly on the wall (or just buzzin' around) :-) I can't say that I miss my nursing days, but I do miss those types of cuddles. And HEY there is nothin' wrong with being 5'10" . . . at least you don't need a step stool to reach your toothbrush! At 5'4" and 1/2 inches I am still part polly pocket even in heels! LOL. Thanks again for the post! ChristinaReply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:51 am
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 2:34 amListen, when I was at BlogHer, I would have taken you up on it during one of those stretches I couldn't find any potable water. Where were you when I needed some hydration, lady?Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:49 am
-
Report Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 4:43 amOh my gosh! I just laughed until I cried!Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:47 am
-
Report
Tue Sep 18, 2012 - 7:03 am
This is just too funny. I'm sorry it was traumatic for you. I am super short and I would have laughed and not been horrified at all. Some people - just so uptight.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 7:46 am
-
Report
Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 8:23 pm
I think that's one of thee best "this bitch's crazy" awesomeness that I've heard in a long time. It should be promoted up to at least #5. Maybe.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Lady Estrogen on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 9:36 pm
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 8:27 pmOh My Gosh! How did I miss that? Now I know why all those women were whispering and pointing when your back was turned. Just kidding! Kerry, I love your sense of humor!Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 7:11 pmThis was a great and refreshing angle! Hilarious.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm
-
Report Mon Sep 17, 2012 - 7:31 pmOMG, I just spit out my coffee! LMAO! Also, tall women rock! I am 5'10" and often tower over groups of people. I know that feeling well. And, I miss breastfeeding, too. No one told me how much I would miss it. There were times I was SO ready to be done. But once I was, I was so sad.Reply
-
1 reply, Last reply by HouseTalkN on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Enter the word as it appears in the box.