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Staying abreast of alternative medicine
A friend of mine recently cured her nine-year-old son's pinkeye with breast milk. No, she wasn't nursing him at the time. She also has an 11-month-old baby who is still nursing. This same friend donated her placenta to an organization that trains search and rescue dogs, so her announcement didn't really surprise me.
I was curious though how she administered the medicine.
"Wha'd'ya do? Whip out a boob and shoot him in the face? I'm sure that didn't scar him for life," I teased.
"No!" she laughed. "I used an eyedropper...four times a day for a couple of days. It totally worked."
I was flabbergasted. Breast milk? To cure conjunctivitis? Why didn't I know about that while I was breast-feeding any of my three children?
Eager for more information, I took to the Google. If you believe everything you read, breast milk contains antibodies and immunological properties that can prevent and/or heal a cavalcade of illnesses ranging from acne to cancer.
I remember my midwife prescribing a few drops of breast milk for chafed nipples when I was first learning to breast-feed, but I had no idea breast milk could do so much more. Diaper rash? A topical application of breast milk can cure that. Insect stings? Put a breast milk ice cube on it. Wart? Apply a breast-milk poultice to that sucka. Thermo-nuclear radiation exposure? Breast milk it, Silkwood style.
Suddenly that woman on the cover of TIME Magazine nursing her 3-year-old makes much more sense to me. And no wonder that child looked so much older. Is breast milk the key to super health?
My first response when I saw the now infamous TIME cover was "WOW! Is that how women who breast-feed for an extended time period look? Because, damn, she's gorgeous." I found out later she's in her twenties. I'm 42. If I had posed for that cover, we wouldn't have needed a chair for Junior. Shoot, he could have been in the next room.
Actually, between my three school-aged children bringing home various communicable diseases on a regular basis, and my dependence on finely engineered push-up bras, I am wondering if re-lactating is the way to go.
Oh yes, according to The Google, there are herbal supplements called galactagogues that can help women produce milk, even after an extended nursing hiatus. Sounds like an evil race of Star Trek aliens, doesn't it?
But really, given the many benefits of breast milk, why not? For starters, it would be much cheaper than breast augmentation to plump up the ol' 34-Longs. Secondly, I could create a stockpile of breast milk ice cubes for my first-aid kit. And perhaps I could even put an end to my five-year-old's thumb-sucking by finally satisfying his primal urge to suckle.
Or not. At least my push-up bras don't leak. Besides, it would probably be easier to just hit up my breast-feeding friend the next time anyone in my family develops a skin condition. Something tells me she probably has a good recipe for organic free-range antimicrobial moisturizing breast-milk soap.
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Comments (25)
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Mon Jul 23, 2012 - 8:09 pm
They had breast milk ice cream in the UK. It freaked a lot of people out. People do take breast milk to cure cancer. It is the elixir of life. My babies both had conjuctivitis and yes I squirted them in the eye direct from the nipple. I had laser milk jets - it used to make me giggle when it accidentally used to squirt across the room.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Terrie on Sun Jul 29, 2012 at 11:44 pm
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Report Wed Jul 25, 2012 - 12:42 amOh, the glorious boob juice. It does so many great things. Wish I would have known this little tit-bit when I was nursing my littles. I'm with ya Iris - last to know...Reply -
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Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 7:45 pm
I'm going to insist my next breastfeeding friend fill jars of that gold and make myself some SuperSoap to heal all the wounds my kids inflict upon me, and protect me from all the nasty goo they snot onto me.Reply -
Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 3:42 amHilarious. I was the one my friends called after their kids weaned and had pink eye. They brought the clean eye dropper bottles and I obliged. All -itises cured within two days via boob juice. We used it successfully on diaper rash, sore nipples, and pink eye, but had no success with ear infections or toe fungus. Just saying. The stuff has its limitations. And the boob that stretches next door? Blame pregnancy, not nursing. The changes to breast tissue during pregnancy are crueler almost than the sagging of the lower abdomen. Almost.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Naptimewriting on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 10:05 am
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Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 9:46 amI can't believe I didn't remember this when I was still nursing my youngest last spring and she and I got pink eye! The twins had a little eye infection in the NICU that we treated with a salve, but the nurse also suggested squirting breast milk in it. Dumb new mom that I was, I stuck with the meds.Reply
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Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 9:16 amBeardsy, I can barely remember to tell my kids to brush their teeth. How am I supposes to remember to tell you to call a lactating friend if your kids get diaper rash? But now that you mention it, if your kids get diaper rash, you have bigger problems than my breasts can fix.Reply
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Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 9:10 amOK, so I'm usually not competitive - really- but, my MIL made it well-known that she should be awarded some kind of trophy for breastfeeding her youngest boy for 15 months. Well, I just couldn't stand it, so I breast-fed my kids for 16 months. Ha! What are you going to do about that, MIL???? I beat you!! Now, I'm paying the price. I have size DD cups - but it's not because I'm well-endowed. It's because my boobs are so saggy that I have to roll them up like a blow-out party favor before stuffing them in my bra.Reply
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Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 5:56 amDamn, it's too bad there's nobody in there with me during a hot shower - that's when my milk comes blasting out like I have two elephant trunks. They'd be cured of everything, except for the trauma of seeing me naked.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 6:22 am
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Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 5:12 am
ACNE??? Okay... who wants to donate a couple gallons of breast milk so I can bathe in it?! You think I'm joking...Reply -
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Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 1:39 am
I did not get to breastfeed and WAS over it, now I am pissed all over again. I so googled galactagoues, as per usual. Thanks. Alot. I'm going to find me some breast milk to bathe in. (Yes, it's for sale on the internet, from a virgin!) - I just had to look up how to spell virgin - damn - Monday wins.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by lhewitt on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 3:44 am
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Report Tue Jul 24, 2012 - 2:17 amIt is called "Liquid Gold" for a reason. I too used the stuff for sore nipples, when the babies and eye issues and I also used it myself. You had me laughing at the kid being in the other room. I am not that bad but my kid wouldn't have need a chair to reach mine.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 2:19 am
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Report Mon Jul 23, 2012 - 9:36 pmLOL - "breastfeeding from the next room" - you make me giggle everyday!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm
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Report Mon Jul 23, 2012 - 8:29 pmMy good friend is nursing her 7-week-old. Next time we're at her house and my kid gets a bug bite, I'm totally grabbing some of her frozen milk and slapping it on that boo-boo. I'm sure she won't mind me using her life-giving elixir instead of Caladryl, right?Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm
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Mon Jul 23, 2012 - 7:34 pm
I breast fed forever. And my daughter is pretty darn healthy. Wouldn't it be great if it did cure cancer? Think I'll try that goat's milk soap.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by The Bearded Iris on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 7:42 pm
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