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I'm not cheap
I'm not cheap.
I'll pause a moment to let the snappy puns and racy comebacks flee from your minds.
I read an interview once of a man who claimed he was the most frugal man on earth. He spent his time doing things like unwrapping double-ply tissues into single ply and cutting open the tube of toothpaste to scrape out the last dregs of the minty stuff. When you reach that level of crazy you've bypassed cheap and gone straight for Mr. Scrooge.
Like everyone else out there, we've been hit hard by the recession. We're lucky to have our jobs, but we do need to pay attention to the pennies these days. And I'm not extravagant, not by any stretch. I'll scour eBay for the best price. I'll compare unit prices on items to ensure that I am getting the best possible deal. I'll happily buy store brands instead of name brands. But I have long had my limits. I have areas where the sacrifice, it is too far for me to travel. I have one point of principle...
Toilet paper. It is non-negotiable. I will buy store brand tomato sauce and I will whip out my phone in the shop to calculate the prices in the confusing BOGOF world. But I will not use rough toilet paper. My toilet paper comes in a wrapper that is as thick as tarp and covered with images which indicate just how pleasant a toilet experience it will impart. I will eat generic pasta but as god is my witness, I'll never wipe with generic again!
And then this past week, I saw my beloved brand of toilet paper has gone up in cost. I stumbled - the cost was higher than ever. I caved and bought it, because I believe of any body parts my ass should be respected, but I am now chasing family members around the house, knocking on the door of the bathroom asking if they can be careful with the toilet paper. "It's 21p per 100 sheets!" I'll shout through the door. "Money doesn't grow on trees!"
"No, but toilet paper does!" shouts my teenage step-daughter.
I sulk. I worry about the extravagance. I stare at the rapidly depleting package of toilet paper and while I do, out of the corner of my eye I see the toothpaste tube and wonder if it's time to cut the damn thing open to get every last bit of paste...
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Comments (18)
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Report Tue Feb 21, 2012 - 3:22 amI was in a public bathroom with my 11 yo niece just this weekend side by side stalls. She said, "This toilet paper is like cardboard." I talked to her about the cost difference and how using it saved the company money. She said, "Well, it isn't very nice to my butt." I completely agree.Reply -
3 replies, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm
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Report Tue Feb 21, 2012 - 1:17 amDoes anyone else remember the small squares of slippery almost glossy paper that was found in public toilets in England? I'll leave it to your imagination as to what that was like to (try) to use. I learned very quickly to carry wipes with me at all times.Reply
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3 replies, Last reply by felicity on Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
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Report Tue Feb 21, 2012 - 6:15 pmI love this post as we are known are toilet paper snobs in our house. (A) we buy 30 rolls at a time, and (B) we buy only two ply Charmin. My mother always said you could buy 1 ply but you'd use twice as much so you might as well go with 2 ply. And recycled TP? NEVER!!!!!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Tue Feb 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm
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Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 10:40 pm
LOL! I'm with you on this one.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Tue Feb 21, 2012 at 7:20 am
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Report Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 8:22 pmShannon - you're back! I've been hoping to see some of your work here again. I enjoy everything you post and am now bookmarking this site in the hope I see more.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 9:16 pm
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Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 2:39 pm
Yip, there are many things that can be cut back on, but I vowed at primary school (honestly I did) that once I was in charge of my own budgets, I would ensure I would never again have to wipe with something akin to tracing paper. I may have cut open an expensive tube of toothpaste every now and then though *hangs head in shame* p.s. my parents were generous enough to give us only the best though, don't want a slur on their name!!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 3:45 pm
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Report Mon Feb 20, 2012 - 9:49 amhahah I could not agree with you more. My bits deserve the gentle 2 ply ... thinking of hiding the good stuff my personal use only - the rest of the family can use the sandpaper!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Everyday Stranger on Mon Feb 20, 2012 at 10:24 am
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