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Gwyneth Paltrow and the dirty maternal infidel
Woe betide the mother who deigns to comment publicly on how she juggles marriage and motherhood. You'd think Gwyneth Paltrow would know better, given that the media loves a mummy cat fight, but in a recent interview with Harper's Bazaar magazine, Gwynnie reportedly commented that she makes a point of being at home for her family.
"I have little kids in school. I want to maintain my marriage and my family, so I have to be here when (Chris Martin) comes home... Gloria Steinem may string me up by my toes, but all I can do is my best, and I can do only what works for me and my family."
Predictably, newspapers and websites everywhere frenziedly announced that Gwyneth is an advocate of being a stay-at-home mum. Which - in media land - seemed to automatically mean that she *must* be a staunch critic of mothers who work full-time. Because *obviously* any comment from a mother about how she 'does it' must be an invitation to war from mothers who do it differently.
Predictably, there was a backlash from mere mortal mothers. On Twitter, one of Gwyneth's followers didn't mince her words. "Women with children should be stay-at-home mothers," she tweeted at Gwyneth, adding: "Toddle off back to your millions." "Um, never said that," replied Gwynie, presumably in between peeling spuds for hubby's dinner.
Since when did being a working mum become the antithesis to full-time parenthood?
I've tried both sides of the fence. Before I had children I was unequivocal that, after a short period of maternity leave, I would resume the career I loved. And once my babe was in my arms I ditched that career at the drop of a hat in order to be a full-time mum.
Then, when my youngest child started nursery, I chiseled out some semblance of an income on a freelance basis, mainly so I could continue being a full-time parent during the hours that my kids are not at school.
It works pretty well for us but I really resent this idea that mothers must choose their ‘primary' allegiance: career or kids - and that once chosen, there is no defecting to the other side. It's not either / or. We're raising kids, for Pete's sake, we're not at war.
You don't have to choose sides, and the lifestyle arrangement that best suits your family when your kids are tiny probably won't be the thing that works when they're more independent. And as for the poisonous implication that having a career means you're somehow not a full-time mum - spare me.
Earning an income, paying tax, contributing to our household and, how very dare I, doing something I adore alongside being a mother are all things to be proud of. It doesn't render me a dirty maternal infidel. And opting out of the corporate ladder to be at home with your kids is not a cop-out.
What matters is what works for you. So who cares how Gwyneth Paltrow does it?
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Comments (7)
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Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 4:34 pm
Great post, and i couldn't agree more. I realised a few months back that i had to stop apologising for the way I did things. That what worked for my little family was all that mattered. it's the only route to happiness after all. M2MReply -
2 replies, Last reply by Heidi_Scrimgeour on Tue Feb 14, 2012 at 10:28 am
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Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 9:59 am
Oh here here!! I am mirroring your choices it would seem - thought I'd go back, had bub, stayed home and now she has just turned two, I am starting to a bit of a SAHM to WAHM transition! But that's because it works for me and our family. I am lucky, I have the choice, some mothers don't and some want to go back to work, each to their own. As long as they and their children are doing ok, whose business is it but theirs!Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Heidi_Scrimgeour on Mon Feb 13, 2012 at 11:23 am
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 10:22 amAGREED! I'm so sick of the big SAHM/WM divide. Does it really matter what so and so round the corner does? Before I had my children I thought being a stay at home mum would be best for me, I didn't want to miss anything, but actually, it drove me insane. I love my kids to the moon and back (good book that) but I can't be with the 24/7. So working from home now they're 9&2 works for me. My family can't live on one wage & I can't function when my day is all about cbeebies & refusing meals, so this works for me. Doesn't mean it will work for other mums though, but to be honest what they do doesn't affect me, so who am I to judge!? There. I'm off my soapbox now. As you were! XReply -
1 reply, Last reply by Heidi_Scrimgeour on Mon Feb 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
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