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Grocery shopping with multiple kids is bullshit
I just went grocery shopping with both kids for the first time ever. They both came within a hair's breadth of not surviving, I swear it.
How have I made it three and a half years, since the youngest was born, without ever suffering through this horrifying experience?
I couldn't drive in England. I was like a declawed indoor cat. I still had a lot of fight left in me, but absolutely no follow-through and so I had to stay home or get eaten alive. I did however take some driving lessons there and consequently I could get around in the best of situations, but I feared what would happen in the worst of situations.
If there was a sudden oh holy crap! moment and I had to swerve to avoid hitting something, I was pretty sure I would swerve into the right lane (just out of reflex). Then to avoid the oncoming traffic that awaited me, I would plow up the sidewalk and right over the little old lady with her walking stick and bag of ointment.
My instincts just weren't British. (As indicated by how I never got the whole endless cups of tea thing.) I had my groceries delivered.
Now that I'm back home in the land of driving on the right side of the road, I have a car again. I love it, I kind of want to hump it, but I think that's a diagnosable disorder and I don't want to shell out the copay for the treatment.
What's a girl to do when she gets her shiny new car? Go grocery shopping of course. I took both kids. Big mistake. Huge. I've just gotten back home, put them down for a nap, opened a beer and sat down at my keyboard.
If you're judging me for my 4:15 beer, quite frankly... you can eat me. If anything else had happened except for that exact sequence of events, I would have dropped the kids off at the nearest pet shop with a sign that said, "Free to a good home. Small fingers are great for cleaning tiny spaces. Should make nice servants once trained."
And the 4:15 nap? Yeah, they're still a wee bit jetlagged. I read it takes kids up to a month to fully adjust because their circadian rhythms are more entrenched than adults. Great, just fucking great. They were both worse for wear, as indicated by how they crashed out cold. I'm only letting them sleep half an hour so they'll still sleep tonight. But I can promise you, if I ever have to do that again they might end up sleeping with the fishes.
The Stay At Home Babe is not cut out for grocery shopping madness with two kids. How do the rest of you do it? Do you leave the kids with the partner and grocery shop at 10 PM? Do you do it during the day while they're in school? Do you duct tape their hands and mouths and hog tie them to the cart?
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Comments (24)
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Tue Feb 14, 2012 - 7:37 am
Here in the UK I made a switch from going to the food shops to having it delivered to me 4 years ago when my second child came along. It takes less than 15 mins on the PC and I love it that someone brings me food each Friday for the week ahead! It also cuts down my bills as I am terrible when it comes to offers (for things I don't need)! Also this way I don't have that AWFUL child in trolley situation that you have just experienced!Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by FionaB on Sat Feb 18, 2012 at 8:42 am
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 7:38 pmI have the best grocery store about five minutes from my house. They have free childcare. They have an enclosed area called the Kidzone that has tons of toys, new crafts every week and from 9-3 every day kids between 2 and 6 years old can play there happily while parents shop. During the week it's one of the grocery store owners who watches the kids, she does paperwork when it's not busy. She has two teenagers and is great with the kids. I get to happily, slowly shop all by myself (well, by myself since the youngest turned 2 a month ago!). It rocks. I never shop anywhere if I have the kids with me.Reply -
5 replies, Last reply by Karen on Sat Feb 18, 2012 at 2:47 am
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Tue Feb 14, 2012 - 11:04 pm
This made me chortle out loud: "I have a car again. I love it, I kind of want to hump it, but I think that's a diagnosable disorder and I don't want to shell out the copay for the treatment." And then the "you can eat me." Bitch please, this is friggin' brilliant. I hope we never meet in person because there will be dry humping.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Lerner on Wed Feb 15, 2012 at 1:21 am
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Report Tue Feb 14, 2012 - 2:35 amThe beer was well deserved, my friend. I shop with one, leave the other with my husband. Or the dog.Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Lerner on Tue Feb 14, 2012 at 2:36 am
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 11:08 pmHahahaha! Wow....gotta love your honesty. I can totally relate. I have my moments too. I've got 3 girls all under age 7. What has worked for me is a list to know exactly what I need, diapers already changed, full kids that shouldn't be hungry, and my awesome double stroller that holds a ton of "ish". Two are literally strapped in and the older one walks. I also carry snacks on hand and threats to take away any good privileges (you better believe I follow through too) for misbehavior. That usually does the trick where I can tolerate it and yes at times I leave them with the hubby and go get what I need or vice versa. I make the list and stay with the kids while he does the shopping. Good luck! Love your post!Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Lerner on Tue Feb 14, 2012 at 2:15 am
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 8:08 pmBring snacks from home and a drink. Put them in the cart with the steering wheel for kids and bribe them!!Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by Beth on Mon Feb 13, 2012 at 10:52 pm
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 10:20 pmI usually take them with me, but they get a lollipop for really good behavior (or a granola bar to keep them quiet). Getting them in and out of the car is the hardest part for me, but my three year old has finally been tought to stay next to me, touch the car and don't let go till I tell her. In the store a treat works (aforementioned granola) and letting them help carry non-breakables. The cart situation is hard though - who gets to ride??? Answer; whoever is behaving the best. My oldest can walk with me while the younger can ride, or the oldest can ride while the youngest gets carried. Unless there is a double seat, which is a godsend. :)Reply
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Report Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 7:18 pmI try to do it when older 2 are in school but that isn't always possible. When the kids were younger I tried to go when Hubs was home...usually Saturday morning shopping hell due to his schedule but it was better than taking kids.Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by rootietoot on Mon Feb 13, 2012 at 7:30 pm
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Mon Feb 13, 2012 - 12:13 pm
I had 3 kids in 3 years, and most of the time I did that Guerrilla shopping- that is...throw the kids in the buggy, dash in and get what was needed most (eggs, milk, bottle of wine, another bottle of wine) and get out. I had a 10 minute window before they started getting whiny and grabby. Then one day my husband suggested I put them in a daycare one day a week, so I could do 'whatever I wanted' and because I was a Wild Thing, I bought groceries in peace.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Lerner on Mon Feb 13, 2012 at 6:57 pm
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