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A dog called Cock
Sometimes when one comes into new communities one discovers that there are certain subjects which bond people, regardless of class and status, because there is consensus.
Ultimately, it's why we ‘Brits' talk about the weather all of the time. It is the one thing we can all actually agree on: ‘The weather is shit and when it's a nice there is no finer place than Britain on a sunny day.'
On arrival in The Shire, I have discovered that folk around here have a big propensity towards dogs. I was raised with cats as pets. I, personally, don't want a dog but I think it's because I am bowing under the weight of mothering, working, breathing, chickens, cat, rabbits, errant husbands, being bonkers and aged aunts. It seems like a pet too far and we already know I am thinking about the menagerie too. It could push me over the edge.
A dog is a ‘must have' accessory in The Shire but it's not enough to simply own one. You must be able to speak ‘dog' with knowledge, empathy and crazy love. It's a bit like speaking ‘child'.
I have noticed that when folk walk into the pub with a dog, especially if it is a breed, other dog speakers engage with them. ‘Is that a Weimeramramarama?' Owner nods, ‘Lovely dogs, my great aunt Ethel had one some 20,000 years ago so calm, great badger hunters; but can be a bit chewy.'
Or alternatively, they will use dog parlance to describe the characteristic of humans to me. "Did you know Beverly at Country House, rather large lady, eats like a Labrador?" I just nod trying to not look puzzled. I have no idea about the eating habits of a Labrador.
If I am going to belong in The Shire I might have to succumb and get a dog. I was thinking I might get a Cocker Spaniel and call it ‘Cock'. At least I can amuse myself daily and roam through the fields shouting ‘COCK!'. The comedy moments would be endless, "Get down Cock!".
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Comments (21)
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Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 9:04 amI suggest you get 2 dogs and call them Restraint and Decorum, that way you will actually get to exercise some.Reply -
1 reply, Last reply by Wylye Girl on Wed Feb 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
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Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 9:04 ammaybe you should step away from the media, considering recent events and your hunger to sell your husband out to the sun ;)Reply
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1 reply, Last reply by Wylye Girl on Wed Feb 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm
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Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 2:32 pmMind you you would also have to carry a bag with you inorder to clean up your Cock's mess all the time. People will complain that your Cock could do with a bath as it's a bit smelly and last but not least you'll have to apologise to passing ramblers when your Cock jumps out at them. Basically - you'd be living MY lifeReply
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2 replies, Last reply by marketingtomilk on Mon Feb 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 2:29 pm
Oh dear. Not at ITPR too? Judgmental and catty comments. Sigh.Reply -
2 replies, Last reply by Toni on Mon Feb 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm
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Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 3:36 pmI can see the method in your madness regarding calling the dog 'Cock'. A cunning PR plan if ever I saw one. To others it may sound odd, but walking around the woods looking for Cock certainly attracts the attention of Trashy Tabloids. Kerching££, job done! I mean, look at Ron Davies!Reply
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 3:16 pm
Go for it! But then you need to get a cat and call it "Pussy."Reply -
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 3:10 pm
Go for it Clare and get that Cocker Spaniel. If your calling its name offends any pompous people, just buy a Shih Tzu as well.Reply -
Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 3:10 pmI had a dog called Badco once. He was very naughty and did a poo as I was getting into a taxi. The taxi driver was lovely and produced a carrier bag. I'm afraid I was reduced to giggles by the sight of the taxi driver fumbling around the dogs bottom, but it quite restored my faith in human nature. Do keep on amusing us with your Blog Clare.Reply
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Report Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 9:13 amClare..Buying a dog to fit in is NOT a good idear..trust me..If you do won't to get a dog..Please read up about the breed very carefully..especially cocker spaniel..did you know there is a very seriouse problem with the breed called cocker rage!!!..this is in the red colours (not black or working ones)..Also they need lots of looking after..If you don't love dogs don't do it..why don't you borrow one for a while, iam sure that will make your mind up..good luck..Reply
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2 replies, Last reply by herne on Mon Feb 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 11:48 am
Oh Clare lovely that's HILARIOUS! I had a cat called Dave once. Made me snigger, but comedy possibilities limited since cats never respond when you call out to them. Snooty buggers. Of COURSE you won't get a dog just for the gags. But it IS a good gag!Reply -
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 11:38 am
If you were my neighbor, I would TOTALLY be your friend, even before you made your Cock sit and beg for a treat. I adore funny women! Thanks for starting my day on such a great note. XReply -
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 11:31 am
Bloody love dogs, but this post is spot on. I suppose it's a bit like having chidlren - you say you'll never ever smell their bottoms in public and use THAT voice to talk to them - but you do. If and when i get a dog i know it won't be long before i'll be speaking dog. M2MxReply -
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Mon Feb 6, 2012 - 11:10 am
Now you know young lady that I'm not a fan of THAT word. However, I would be greatly amused to see you or indeed anyone for that matter racing across the moors shouting it in the manner of 'Fenton' and deer-gate :)Reply
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